# Marvin, you have 2 hands. Heal yourself! (Songs that irk you) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 25, 2009, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354 "2009-02-25T12:47:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/21 "2009-02-25T20:51:01Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > I hereby denounce this interpretation of Bridge over Troubled Water. It is and will always be a song about the healing powers of love and friendship. So there! You should, b/c it’s BS. I’ve ranted before about this annoying trend to make every song possible about heroin. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/22 "2009-02-25T20:54:52Z")
"Baby Come Back You can blame it all on me…" Well, of _course_ I blame it all on you! That’s why I left you! And I don’t need your permission to put the blame on you, anyway. No way I’m coming back! It doesn’t help that they’re using this to advertise disposable mops on TV now. In fact, it seems better directed at the disposable mops than the non-disposable ones. They should think about that. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/23 "2009-02-25T20:55:38Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > Yeah, a lot of rednecks have adopted this as their anthem, but it’s just plain wrong to think that the members of Lynyrd Skynyrd were racists. Besides, Wallace wasn’t even their governor, as they weren’t from Alabama. So they really shouldn’t have made a song called Sweet Home Alabama if they didn’t want people to think their home wasn’t that. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/24 "2009-02-25T21:01:20Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > So they really shouldn’t have made a song called Sweet Home Alabama if they didn’t want people to think their home wasn’t that. Like I said, it was a specific reference to “Southern Man” and “Alabama” by Neil Young. One member was from California, the rest were from Florida. Also, those comments referenced above “boo, boo, boo” were made in 1975, not “after all these years”. The writers of that song died in a plane crash a long time ago. ---
**Author:** ![LVBoPeep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/858c86/32.png) [@LVBoPeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVBoPeep)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/25 "2009-02-25T21:02:10Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > What if God was one of us? > > Quite possibly one of the stupidest songs ever written. To wit: > > He’s trying to make his way home > Back up to heaven all alone > Nobody calling on the phone > Except for the pope maybe in rome THANK YOU!! I HATE HATE HATE that whiny song and I thought I was the only one. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/26 "2009-02-25T21:02:56Z")
The Bette Midler song “From a Distance” is either the sappiest, stupidest, most cringe-worthy attempt at inspiration _ever_, or it’s brilliantly cynical. Boiled down, it says: “Everything in our crappy world looks great from a sufficient distance. God is watching us from at least that distance. Ergo, not even God can hear our cries.” Yeah, that’s a real pick-me-up. I mean, it has to be ironic, right? The way the anthemic guitar of “Born in the USA” is ironic, right? I harbor the desperate hope that Bette Midler will some day crack on a talk show and blurt out the truth: “Ha! You all thought I was being serious! Chumps!” I don’t care about Bette Midler one way or the other, but the thought that that song has passed for inspirational for two decades is just not acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/27 "2009-02-25T21:06:16Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > The Bette Midler song “From a Distance” is either the sappiest, stupidest, most cringe-worthy attempt at inspiration _ever_, or it’s brilliantly cynical. Boiled down, it says: “Everything in our crappy world looks great from a sufficient distance. God is watching us from at least that distance. Ergo, not even God can hear our cries.” Yeah, that’s a real pick-me-up. I mean, it has to be ironic, right? The way the anthemic guitar of “Born in the USA” is ironic, right? I harbor the desperate hope that Bette Midler will some day crack on a talk show and blurt out the truth: “Ha! You all thought I was being serious! Chumps!” I don’t care about Bette Midler one way or the other, but the thought that that song has passed for inspirational for two decades is just not right. Well, seeing as numerous artists recorded the song before her, and it was written by Julie Gold, I doubt ole Bette will be able to offer much insight. Nancy Griffith does an infinitely better job with that song. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/28 "2009-02-25T21:07:00Z")
Don Henley’s “The End of the Innocence” has the kind of line that drives me nuts. “Lay your head back on the ground, And let your hair fall all around me.” Huh? If the girl’s is lying with the back of her head on the ground, her hair CAN’T fall around him! Unless her hair defies gravity, at least! ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/29 "2009-02-25T21:13:59Z")
> [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](#): > > Oh god yes – I like kissing girls, too. Very much, in fact. Do I then just go and make shitty pop songs about it that annoy everybody to hell and back? No! And if I can restrain myself, then, inconsequential pop pixies of the world, so can you. This makes me think: George Michael should do a cover of Katy Perry’s “I kissed a girl”. Oh, the irony! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/30 "2009-02-25T21:26:53Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Well, of _course_ I blame it all on you! That’s why I left you! I don’t know the name of the song, nor do I know the lyrics, but I heard a song a little while back where a woman was singing (paraphrased) “You’re going to be sorry you dumped me for her, you’re going to miss me and I hope you suffer every day for the rest of your life.” I heard a similar (but different) song sung by a man, expressing much the same sentiment. Here’s an idea: Instead of writing songs, maybe you can concentrate on not being such a clingy, whiny, vengeful douche. Hmm, maybe you weren’t dumped. Just maybe, you drove that person away from you because you’re such a reprehensible person. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/31 "2009-02-25T21:34:15Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > Well, seeing as numerous artists recorded the song before her, and it was written by Julie Gold, I doubt ole Bette will be able to offer much insight. Nancy Griffith does an infinitely better job with that song. Wow. I had no idea. I just looked her up on Wikipedia. I was horrified to learn that the song won a Grammy in 1991. It’s also been made into a children’s book. And, it was played to the astronauts on Mir, since what you want to hear when you’re on an aging, dilapidated space station is that God is watching you from so far away that it looks like you’re doing just great. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/32 "2009-02-25T21:50:28Z")
I always listen to song lyrics, and consequently go around annoyed by something in them nearly all the time. Of course, nothing’s coming to mind at the moment! I just popped in to say great thread title and OP. Hilarious! Wake up, wake up, wake up OOF. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Reloy3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c68b51/32.png) [@Reloy3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reloy3)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/33 "2009-02-25T21:54:13Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > An older one: Garth Brooks “The Beaches of Cheyenne” > > “He” died in a rodeo, which means they really are talking about Cheyenne Wyoming. Wyoming is land-locked, idiot; there are no beaches! Not to defend Garth or anything, he does make it clear that the song’s female lived (and died) in California. The lyrics read “And their dreams that they’d been livin’ In the California sand Died right there beside him in Cheyenne” The “Beaches of Cheyenne” thing seems to be about her dying in California over something that happened in Wyoming. I don’t think Mr. Brooks is unclear on his Geography. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/34 "2009-02-25T22:15:35Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > What if God was one of us? > > Quite possibly one of the stupidest songs ever written. To wit: > > He’s trying to make his way home > Back up to heaven all alone > Nobody calling on the phone > Except for the pope maybe in rome Well, getting something apt to rhyme with “home” ain’t easy. And it’s a good bet the Pope’s in Rome or someplace close by with gargoyles. What other line did you expect? “He’s got to buy some sandy loam” “He loves his cellphone’s shiny chrome” “He couldn’t get a date for prom” (using alternate, edgy pronunciation) ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/35 "2009-02-25T22:17:48Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Well, getting something apt to rhyme with “home” ain’t easy. And it’s a good bet the Pope’s in Rome or someplace close by with gargoyles. What other line did you expect? > > “I have to buy some sandy loam” > “I love my cellphone’s shiny chrome” > “I couldn’t get a date for prom” (using alternate, edgy pronunciation) “I have to read this dusty tome” “I’ll never sell this garden gnome” “My cappucino’s got a lot of foam” See? It’s easy! ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/36 "2009-02-26T02:23:26Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > “The Future.” Because anal sex is apparently _exactly_ as symptomatic of the degradation of society as crack, complete deforestation, and rape. > > I like Leonard Cohen a lot, but when I realized the import of that line it pissed me off more and more until I couldn’t really enjoy that song any more. I see your point, but my interpretation of that line (and much of the song) is that it’s not so much “these things are horrible” but rather “these things are what people worry about now”. If the audience had seen the future like the narrator, they’d realize how foolish it was to be fretting about who’s smoking crack or having anal sex or is a Communist. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/37 "2009-02-26T03:25:07Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > Wow. I had no idea. I just looked her up on Wikipedia. I was horrified to learn that the song won a Grammy in 1991. It’s also been made into a children’s book. And, it was played to the astronauts on Mir, since what you want to hear when you’re on an aging, dilapidated space station is that God is watching you from so far away that it looks like you’re doing just great. See, as soon as I figured out that the lyrics imply that God is kinda sorta not paying much attention and probably thinks everything is dandy, I actually started to like it. It makes me giggle. Because I _am_ bitter and cynical. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/38 "2009-02-26T03:26:21Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > An older one: Garth Brooks “The Beaches of Cheyenne” > > “They she just went crazy, screamin out his name > She ran out into the ocean, and to this day they claim > That if you go down by the water you’ll see her footprints in the sand > cause every night she walks the beaches of Cheyenne.” > > “He” died in a rodeo, which means they really are talking about Cheyenne Wyoming. Wyoming is land-locked, idiot; there are no beaches! I see where another poster suggested this is intentional, but it put me in mind of the old Expo 67 (?) tune “Something To Sing About,” a sort of this-land-is-your-land-type patriotic song, whose _first verse_ begins “I’ve stood on the sand of the Grand Banks of Newfoundland…” If you did arrange to stand there, you’d be about [a hundred feet underwater.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Banks) ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/39 "2009-02-26T03:45:47Z")
re: “Single Ladies”: > [@Wile\_E](#): > > Those are the words? All I can ever understand it “if you liked it you should have put a ring on it” and “whoa oh oh oh”. And then that gets stuck in my head on an endless loop and I want to hurt something. Let me quote selected bits of lyrics, just to illustrate my first post: Up in the club We just broke up I’m doing my own little thing [and now the ex is upset because] … another brother noticed me I’m up on him He up on me “Don’t pay him any attention” [bunch of lyrics, including the annoying chorus, snipped so as not to violate copyright] and now you’re gonna learn what it really feels like to miss me I only know this song because my co-workers are always listening to the station that plays this piece of crap. ---
**Author:** ![rackensack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@rackensack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rackensack)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/40 "2009-02-26T13:47:57Z")
As if the whole song weren’t enough of a crap-fest, Dan Fogelberg’s “Leader of the Band” contains an error in usage that just sends me right out of my gourd every time I hear it. Dan, if you’re a “living legacy” _to_ “the leader of the band” (i.e., your father), I need some serious re-education about how biology works. “Legacy” does not mean “tribute” or “monument” or anything like that. It means “a gift of personal property by will”, or “something inherited from an ancestor”. Note the “from” in that second definition, Dan. That’s the word that should have been there instead of “to”. It’s not really such a big deal, but it’s (a) not like it’s an obscure or arcane expression, (b) indicative of the degree to which you invested any thought, care, or attention in those lyrics, and © guaranteed to result in a huge number of people who think it’s perfectly fine to redefine “legacy” in that way (the whole “you know what he meant” crowd). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354.md?page=3)