# Marvin, you have 2 hands. Heal yourself! (Songs that irk you) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 25, 2009, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354 "2009-02-25T12:47:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/41 "2009-02-26T14:02:12Z")
Just heard another one (yeah, I listen to oldies internet radio. I can’t help myself, I’m old.) that I just cannot get behind. Take The Money and Run. Two slacking do-nothings rob and kill somebody because he’s got money and the bad guy in the piece is the cop who’s trying to arrest them? How’s that even remotely acceptable. Now everybody clap, they got away with it and are living in a tropical paradise! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/42 "2009-02-26T14:13:44Z")
When your daddy left home when you were three, why didn’t you just change your name \* Sue\*? To George, Bill, Charlie of even John Carter Cash? ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/43 "2009-02-26T14:48:38Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > An older one: Garth Brooks “The Beaches of Cheyenne” > “They she just went crazy, screamin out his name > She ran out into the ocean, and to this day they claim > That if you go down by the water you’ll see her footprints in the sand > cause every night she walks the beaches of Cheyenne.” > > “He” died in a rodeo, which means they really are talking about Cheyenne Wyoming. Wyoming is land-locked, idiot; there are no beaches! I’m pretty sure, or at least I hope, that Garth Brooks knows there are no beaches in Cheyenne. The song also says: “And all the dreams that they’d been living in the CALIFORNIA sand died right there beside him in Cheyenne.” So I think it means the couple was living in California where she threw herself into the ocean, but her spirit lingers with him on the metaphorical “beaches” of Cheyenne. The song was inspired by the death of rodeo star Lane Frost. I can’t believe I just analyzed a Garth Brooks song. ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/44 "2009-02-26T15:01:24Z")
> [@SaharaTea](#): > > I can’t believe I just analyzed a Garth Brooks song. How do you think I feel? I’m the one who analyzed a _Beyonce_ song, for crying out loud. ⭕smack: ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/45 "2009-02-26T15:32:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Reloy3 said: > > Not to defend Garth or anything, he does make it clear that the song’s female lived (and died) in California. The lyrics read > > “And their dreams that they’d been livin’ > In the California sand > Died right there beside him in Cheyenne” > > The “Beaches of Cheyenne” thing seems to be about her dying in California over something that happened in Wyoming. I don’t think Mr. Brooks is unclear on his Geography. Whew! This is an enormous relief to me, you just don’t know! Now I can change the station because I don’t want to hear Garth’s whiny voice stretched beyond the limits of high notes he can reach, instead of because the geographic reference offends me. 😉 As for BOTW > [@](#): > > Biggirl said: > > I hereby denounce this interpretation of Bridge over Troubled Water. It is and will always be a song about the healing powers of love and friendship. So there! > [@](#): > > and Labrador Deceiver said: > > You should, b/c it’s BS. I’ve ranted before about this annoying trend to make every song possible about heroin. thus prompting me to do some research and find this: > [@](#): > > [http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=247](http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=247) > > The line “Sail on, silver girl” is often reputed to refer to a needle (meaning the song is about heroin) but it actually refers to Simon’s girlfriend (and later wife) Peggy Harper who found a few gray hairs and was upset. The lyric was meant as a joke - Simon calling her “Silver Girl” because of her hair. (thanks, Helen - York, England) Which has given back to me my favorite song of all time! Thank you Dopers! Now, lest I be pegged as an optimist, let me submit another one which gives me the shivers. My friends and I call this the Stalker’s Anthem. It sounds so lovely and sweet with her soft voice and all, until you really listen and then it’s like WHOA NELLY! ! ! Allison Kraus: [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/EvKtxTsVoMo/hqdefault.jpg "Baby, now that I've found you - Alison Krauss and Union Station") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvKtxTsVoMo) Baby, now that I’ve found you I won’t let you go I built my world around you I need you so, baby even though You don’t need me now . . . Baby, baby, when first we met I knew in this heart of mine That you were someone I couldn’t forget. I said right, and abide my time Spent my life looking for that somebody to make me feel like new Now you tell me that you want to leave me But darling, I just can’t let you . . . Baby, now that I’ve found you I won’t let you go I built my world around you I need you so Baby even though You don’t need me You don’t need me no, no ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/46 "2009-02-26T15:32:39Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > What if God was one of us? > > Quite possibly one of the stupidest songs ever written. FWIW: the song was written by Eric Bazilian, who is a sort-of Christian. I always took it as being a backhanded way of talking about Jesus: If God had a face, what would it look like? And would you want to see If seeing meant that you would have to believe In things like heaven and in Jesus and the saints and all the prophets? The point being that in the Incarnation, God WAS one of us. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/47 "2009-02-26T15:41:09Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > “The Future.” Because anal sex is apparently _exactly_ as symptomatic of the degradation of society as crack, complete deforestation, and rape. > > I like Leonard Cohen a lot, but when I realized the import of that line it pissed me off more and more until I couldn’t really enjoy that song any more. There is a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/48 "2009-02-26T15:50:44Z")
> [@furt](#): > > The point being that in the Incarnation, God WAS one of us. Awesome. Thank you. I still hate it. Here’s one that I’ve been puzzling over for a few years now. It’s from the Gilbert and Sullivan show Thespis. Quick background on the story: The gods on Mount Olympus have grown old and tired, and are in bad need of a vacation. (In London, no less.) A troupe of Thespians, led by Thespis, wander up to Mount Olympus to go on a picnic. Thespis runs into the gods, and claims he and his troupe can do a better job of running the world than the gods did. Jupiter agrees to let them try, for one year. Thespis needs to inform his troupe of this development. Mercury: Here come your people Thespis: People better now Huh? ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/49 "2009-02-26T17:05:20Z")
Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus Take the Wheel” annoys me greatly: > [@](#): > > She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati > On a snow white Christmas Eve > Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat > Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline > It’d been a long hard year > She had a lot on her mind and she didn’t pay attention > she was going way too fast > Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass > She saw both their lives flash before her eyes > She didn’t even have time to cry > She was sooo scared > She threw her hands up in the air > > Jesus take the wheel > Take it from my hands > Cause I can’t do this on my own > I’m letting go > So give me one more chance > Save me from this road I’m on > Jesus take the wheel Ok, your car is sliding out of control and you have your baby in the back seat, DON’T LET GO OF THE DAMN STEERING WHEEL and ask Jesus to steer the damn car. I can guarantee it’s not going to happen! ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/50 "2009-02-26T17:08:05Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Now, lest I be pegged as an optimist, let me submit another one which gives me the shivers. My friends and I call this the Stalker’s Anthem. It sounds so lovely and sweet with her soft voice and all, until you really listen and then it’s like WHOA NELLY! ! ! > > Allison Kraus: > \ You know that’s just a remake of an old 60’s song by the Foundations. You may know another of their big hits, _Build Me Up Buttercup_. [Here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdNAir-_SPw&feature=related) is the original recording. I just see it as a guy making a desperate last plea to the girl he likes. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/51 "2009-02-26T19:52:54Z")
There are a lot of songs I like the music but can’t enjoy the song because of the message of the lyrics. Offhand, ones that top the list: _Ironic_ by Alannis Morrissette. No, not because she misuses “ironic”, because she can’t pronounce the word “figures”. It’s not “figgers”! Figgers are people who harvest figs, or something. Wait, looking one up, I just discovered I am mishearing some song lyrics. This is actually good news. I was going to post: _Santa Monica_ by Everclear. For the first stanza: > [@](#): > > I am still living with your ghost > Lonely and dreaming of the west coast > I dont want to be your downtime > I dont want to be your stool-pigeon I was all set to rant that the guy can’t even pronouce the word right - it’s “pid jun”, not “pig un”, and Okay, maybe he didn’t write the song, but surely _someone_ involved in the production should know what that word is. But now I find out that the actual lyric is “stupid game”. Oh. Er, right. So why doesn’t it sound like he says that? Then again, for decades I didn’t know the line in Don Henley’s _Boys of Summer_ was “_brown skin_ shining in the sun”. I kept hearing something about _eyes_ shining in the sun and could never parse what the other syllable was. _Strokin’_. Atrocious song. Lots of airplay while I was in college. And if you’ve got a girlfriend, why are you strokin’? At the very minimum, shouldn’t she be doin’ the strokin’? (Okay, not what he meant, but what I hear.) [QUOTE=Bites When Provoked] I frequently take issue with songs, which annoys my husband no end. “Why can’t you just enjoy it? Why do you have to listen to the lyrics?”, he says. I can’t just ignore the lyrics. If they’re stupid, or offensive, the song is going to bug me and that’s it. [/QUOTE] Me, too. I think there’s different kind of music listeners, and some people just listen to the sounds, or maybe can absorb the feeling of a song and not particularly register or care about the lyrics. Then there are those of us that take the lyrics as an essential part of the song, and tune in to the meaning of the words. So if the words are dumb or offensive, we can’t enjoy the song. Actually, I wonder if it is because I tend to vocalize songs. Even if there aren’t lyrics, I try to sing the music, like the guitar solos and stuff. Is that just me? [QUOTE=Sr Siete] Well, of course you liked kissing that girl, Kate. That’s sort of the rason why you kissed her in the first place. [/QUOTE] But the song isn’t about being a lesbian, the song is about trying something wild and deciding that it is enjoyable. **filling\_pages** , thanks for that on _Sweet Home Alabama_. I never heard that as “boo, boo, boo”, but rather as generic “oo” sounds. [QUOTE=Antinor01] Just name the damn horse already. [/QUOTE] In the desert, you can remember your name - unless you don’t have one! [QUOTE=Biggirl] Take The Money and Run. Two slacking do-nothings rob and kill somebody because he’s got money and the bad guy in the piece is the cop who’s trying to arrest them? How’s that even remotely acceptable. [/QUOTE] Nailed! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/52 "2009-02-26T19:56:25Z")
Indiana Wants Me _If a man ever needed dying he did No one had the right to say what he said about you_ What the hell did he say? Did you ever hear of freedom of speech? Or a lawsuit for slaunder? Instead you kill the guy and then complain when you go on the run, and the cops come to get you? Leave your wife and baby alone? She’s probably glad to be rid of you. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/53 "2009-02-26T20:11:46Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > I was all set to rant that the guy can’t even pronouce the word right - it’s “pid jun”, not “pig un”, and Okay, maybe he didn’t write the song, but surely _someone_ involved in the production should know what that word is. But now I find out that the actual lyric is “stupid game”. Oh. Er, right. So why doesn’t it sound like he says that? Then again, for decades I didn’t know the line in Don Henley’s _Boys of Summer_ was “_brown skin_ shining in the sun”. I kept hearing something about _eyes_ shining in the sun and could never parse what the other syllable was. Dunno, I always heard it as “stupid game” and “brown skin.” ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/54 "2009-02-27T04:45:46Z")
[The Little Girl](http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/montgomery-john-michael/the-little-girl-7270.html) There are no words. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Punkyova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@The\_Punkyova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Punkyova)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/55 "2009-02-27T06:45:52Z")
Just a bit more on Sweet Home Alabama - In Birmingham they emphatically did NOT love the governor. Wallace and B’ham had a long and contentious history. Neither he nor any of his cronies (who ran the state for decades) would allow state money to be spent there. Until the late 80s, there was an interstate that stopped in mid-air. They had gotten halfway through the overpass when Wallace figured out how to cut off the funds, and it sat there, for decades, as a warning of what happens to cities that vote against the Wallace machine. It wasn’t until Fob James was elected (a Republican, and I want to say the first once since reconstruction) that those highways and bridges were finished. It was a very big deal when it happened. That’s only one example of the way that Wallace had it out for Birmingham, and vice versa (they never did vote for him). I always heard the line as sarcastic and ironic, the more so because most of the listeners thought it was true. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/56 "2009-02-27T07:45:09Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Dunno, I always heard it as “stupid game” and “brown skin.” I never heard “stupid game.” I ALWAYS heard “Stool-pig-in” The “Brown skin” thing, I don’t get. It’s entirely unambiguous in the song, IMO… Joe ---
**Author:** ![Junior\_Spaceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Junior\_Spaceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Junior_Spaceman)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/57 "2009-02-27T08:48:00Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > “The Future.” Because anal sex is apparently _exactly_ as symptomatic of the degradation of society as crack, complete deforestation, and rape. > > I like Leonard Cohen a lot, but when I realized the import of that line it pissed me off more and more until I couldn’t really enjoy that song any more. You’re obviously allowed to interpret Leonard’s songs anyway you like, but I don’t get the sense that every thing he’s asking for in that song is “symptomatic of the degradation of society”. The key line, for me, is when he says “I’m the little Jew who wrote the bible”, which is both having a go at religious fundamentalists, as well as putting himself in the position of a god, who is savouring ‘life in all its rich variety’. Every line ranges from the personal to the political; from the scatalogical to the eschatological; from the macro to the nitpickingly micro. There’s plenty of reasons to hate Leonard Cohen songs, but I’ve always had the feeling he’s as much a fan of anal sex as any of us. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/58 "2009-02-27T09:39:02Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > :smack: I’ve always heard it as Ooo Ooo Ooo. > > Grrr. This is one of mine too. But for me, the Catholic kicks in and I have to go through a rant–He was one of us\* and we tortured and killed Him!!! I like the song because I think that’s the point of it. God is a lot easier to deal with as a concept (something about which you can say “God is great, God is good” and go about your merry way) and a lot more uncomfortable in the flesh, possibly uncomfortable to the point of torture & murder. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/59 "2009-02-27T16:21:47Z")
Nickelback - we understand you like blow jobs. Most men do. Now for the love of all that’s good, stop singing about them!! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354/60 "2009-02-27T17:05:25Z")
“[If I were a boy](http://www.metrolyrics.com/if-i-were-a-boy-lyrics-beyonce-knowles.html)… I swear I’d be a better man!” Yeah, yeah, you’d listen to herrrrr 'cos you know how it hurrrrrrts - Your idea of being a better man consists of recognising that the relationship is all about her and how she feels and what she wants, and that’s like me saying if I were a girl I’d be a better fuck than you 'cos I know how awesome good sex is from the man’s angle. All very well deciding the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and you’d be brilliant at it if you could only swap sides, but how about concentrating on being the best woman you can be, and let me worry about being a better man? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/marvin-you-have-2-hands-heal-yourself-songs-that-irk-you/487354.md?page=4)