# Mary had a steamboat... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 25, 2005, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793 "2005-02-25T01:04:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/1 "2005-02-25T01:04:00Z")
…the steamboat had a bell, Mary went to heaven, The steamboat went to… Hell-o operator, give me number nine! And if he doesn’t answer, Then give me back my dime! Once upon a time a goose drank wine, A monkey chewed tobacco on a streetcar line. The streetcar broke and the monkey choked, And the all went to heaven in a little steamboat… One dark night, in the middle of the day, two young boys went out to play - Back to back, they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise, came over and killed the two dead boys. If you don’t believe my lie is true, ask the blind man… …he saw it too! What other oddball rhymes or ditties do you remember from YOUR youth?? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/2 "2005-02-25T01:12:19Z")
Ooo! _sits down next to DirkGntly_ Cinderella, dressed in yella, went upstairs to kiss her fella, Made a mistake, Kissed a snake, How many doctors did it take? ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/3 "2005-02-25T01:17:12Z")
First of all, it’s: Miss Lucy had a steamboat The steam boat had a bell Miss Lucy went to heaven, The steamboat went to HELL-o operator, Please give me number nine And if you disconnect me I’ll kick you in the BUT behind the 'fridgerator There was a piece of glass Miss Lucy slipped upon it And broke her little ASS-k me no more questions I’ll tell you no more lies Miss Lucy went to heaven Chasing butterflies. And there’s one in my head that I’m trying to remember - but I can’t remember the beginning or I’d have the whole thing. It’s one of the ones that we girls had the clapping things too - where we’d clap hands with each other, either in pairs or in groups, The one I’m thinking of had parts like: I got a boyfriend a-biscuit He’s so-o sweet a-biscuit Ice cream soda with a cherry on TOP Ice cream soda with a cherry on TOP Down down baby, down down the rollercoaster Sweet sweet baby, I’ll never let you go (and that’s all I can remember at the moment). ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/4 "2005-02-25T01:19:52Z")
What about the one that ends: Doctor, doctor, will I die? Count to five and you’re alive! 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! I’m alive! That’s all I can remember. ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/5 "2005-02-25T01:24:16Z")
I’m trying to remember the one that went: [/]In Derbytown, in Derbytown Two men were digging a ditch One was the son of an Irishman The other a son of a…\* and then it went on from there. Googlong this turns up nothing, though,so maybe it was local to Chagrin Falls. **Lsura** , I don’t think we used the"BUT" which is in your version, because the subsequent “behind” had the same double meaning. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/6 "2005-02-25T01:26:27Z")
I’ll sing you one, ho Green grow the rushes, ho What is your one, ho One is one and all alone And ever more shall be it so… ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/7 "2005-02-25T01:27:35Z")
Come on in Hoboes and Gents Cross Eyed Mosquitoes and Bowlegged Ants Free Admission so pay at the door Pull up a chair then sit on the floor We’re gathered here round this four cornered round table to tell you a story I never heard before. Once one bright morning in the middle of the night To dead boys got up to fight Back to back they faced each other Drew their knives and shot each other A deaf policeman heard the noise He came a killed the two dead boys If you don’t belive it’s true Ask the blind man he saw it too! I before E except after C We live in a weird society ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/8 "2005-02-25T01:28:31Z")
> [@Lsura](#): > > First of all, it’s: > > Miss Lucy had a steamboat…(etc., etc.) Or: Miss Lucy had a steamboat the steamboat had a bell Miss Lucy went to heaven The steamboat went to Hello operator Please give me number nine and if you disconnect me I’ll cut off your Behind the 'fridgerator there was a piece of glass Miss Lucy sat upon it and broke her big fat Ask me no more questions I’ll tell you no more lies The boys are in the bathroom Zipping down their Flies are in the meadow the bees are in the park Miss Lucy and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K D-A-R-K Dark! Dark! Dark! ---
**Author:** ![Grasshopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@Grasshopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grasshopper)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/9 "2005-02-25T01:35:58Z")
The initial version of this I heard was similar to the one Lsura posted, except it was Mary instead of Lucy, there was no But in the line Behind the refrigerator, and the ending was similar to the one C3 posted. However, when I was eleven or so, my dad taught me the lyrics he knew growing up, which I found to be much more fun! Mary had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell (toot toot) Tommy found some dynamite and blew the boat to- Hello operator, please give me number nine. And if you disconnect me, give me back my dime. Tommy and Jimmy are sitting in a ditch, And one of them calls the other a dirty son-of-a Beaver, beaver, sitting on a rock, Along came a bee and stung him on the Cocktails, ginger ale, five cents a glass, And if you don’t like it, shove it up your Ask me no more questions, Tell me no lies. These are the victims of the blue tailed flies. ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/10 "2005-02-25T01:38:32Z")
> [@C3](#): > > Or: > > Miss Lucy had a steamboat > the steamboat had a bell > Miss Lucy went to heaven > The steamboat went to > > Hello operator > Please give me number nine > and if you disconnect me > I’ll cut off your > > Behind the 'fridgerator > there was a piece of glass > Miss Lucy sat upon it > and broke her big fat > > Ask me no more questions > I’ll tell you no more lies > The boys are in the bathroom > Zipping down their > > Flies are in the meadow > the bees are in the park > Miss Lucy and her boyfriend > are kissing in the D-A-R-K > D-A-R-K > Dark! Dark! Dark! I know this version! Except it goes on: The dark is like a movie A movie’s like a show A show is like a television set And that is all I KNOW I know my mother I know I know my Pa I know I know my sister with the 18-hour 18-hour 18-hour bra! bra! bra! ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/11 "2005-02-25T02:02:59Z")
> [@LilyoftheValley](#): > > I know this version! Except it goes on: > > The dark is like a movie > A movie’s like a show > A show is like a television set > And that is all > I KNOW I know my mother > I know I know my Pa > I know I know my sister with the > 18-hour 18-hour 18-hour bra! bra! bra! This is the version I know, as well! ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/12 "2005-02-25T02:15:11Z")
> [@DirkGntly](#): > > One dark night, in the middle of the day, two young boys went out to play - > Back to back, they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. > A deaf policeman heard the noise, came over and killed the two dead boys. > If you don’t believe my lie is true, ask the blind man… > …he saw it too! One bright day in the middle of the night, Two dead men got up to fight Back to back they faced each other Drew their swords and shot each other A deaf policeman heard the noise And came and shot those two dead boys If you don’t believe this lie is true Ask the blind man, he saw it too. Hmm another one Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack All dress in black black black With silver buttons buttons buttons All down her back back back She could not read read read She could not write write write But she could could could Smoke her father’s pipe pipe pipe She asked her mother mother mother For fifty cents cents cents To see the boys boys boys Climb up the fence fence fence They climbed so high high high They reached the sky sky sky And they never came back back back 'Til the fourth of July-ly ly-ly and Miss Lucy I learned as Miss Suzy mostly the same but with a few minor differences Hello operator Give me number nine and if you disconnect me I’ll kick you in Behind the yellow curtain there was a piece of glass Miss Suzy sat upon it and hurt her little Ask me no more questions Tell me no more lies The boys are in the bathroom Doing up their Flies are in the city the bees are in the park Miss Lucy and her boyfriend are kissing in the dark and on through the ‘dark is like a movie’ only 18 hour bra sounds wrong. I forget what it was though. We also did Kit Kat, but that’s not strange it was just the jingle put to a clapping game. ---
**Author:** ![Farmwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8dc957/32.png) [@Farmwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmwoman)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/13 "2005-02-25T02:37:53Z")
Farmkid has learned a new version from his father, who is tickled by the fact that our new children’s librarian is named “Miss Mona” (and she’s lovely, too) Miss Mona had a baby She named him Tiny Tim She threw him in the bathtub To see if he could swim He sank to the bottom He floated to the top Miss Mona got excited And she grabbed him by the Cocktails gingerale 5 cents a glass… So I spent our drive home from the library explaining to a 5 year old the delicate essence of humor, and how some things are only funny at home. ---
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/14 "2005-02-25T02:41:15Z")
I know it’s not PC, but does anyone know the lyrics to “The crazy old man from China”? ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/15 "2005-02-25T03:26:47Z")
Suffocation, super suffocation Suffocation, a game you ought to play First you take a plastic bag Then you put it on your head Go to bed Wake up dead Ah Ah Ah Ah Electrocution, super 'lectrocution Electrocution, a game you ought to play First you take a real long bath Then sit on the tv set Turn it on Now you’re gone Ah Ah Ah Ah Please tell me I’m not the only one who knew these. I’m not sick and deranged, I swear! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/16 "2005-02-25T03:36:05Z")
So many versions of my old favorites! > [@](#): > > LULU HAD A BABY, NAMED HIM JUNGLE JIM > PUT HIM IN THE BASIN, TO SEE IF HE COULD SWIM > HE SWAM TO THE BOTTOM, CAME BACK ON TOP > LULU GOT EXCITED, PULLED HIM OUT BY HIS > COCKTAIL GINGER ALE, FIVE CENTS A GLASS > IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, YOU CAN SHOVE IT UP YOUR > ASK ME NO QUESTIONS, I’LL TELL YOU NO LIES > A MAN GOT HIT WITH A BAG OF SHIT RIGHT BETWEEN THE > IKEY AND SPIKEY, LAYING IN THE DITCH > IKEY CALLED SPIKEY, A DIRTY SON OF A > BRING DOWN THE CHILDREN, LET THEM PLAY WITH STICKS > WHEN THEY GET A LITTLE OLDER, THEY’LL LEARN TO PLAY WITH > DICK HAD A COUSIN, MADE MY PRESSURE RISE > ALL SHE EVER WANT TO DO WAS ZOOM BETWEEN HER > HIGH UPON THE MOUNTAIN, SITTING ON THE GRASS > HER SKIRT WAS SO SHORT, IT SHOWED YOU ALL HER It goes on forever ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/17 "2005-02-25T03:37:52Z")
> [@Ellis Dee](#): > > Suffocation, super suffocation > Suffocation, a game you ought to play > First you take a plastic bag > Then you put it on your head > Go to bed > Wake up dead > Ah Ah Ah Ah > > Electrocution, super 'lectrocution > Electrocution, a game you ought to play > First you take a real long bath > Then sit on the tv set > Turn it on > Now you’re gone > Ah Ah Ah Ah > > Please tell me I’m not the only one who knew these. I’m not sick and deranged, I swear! I really like this one. ---
**Author:** ![bovine\_3.14159](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9bd4f/32.png) [@bovine\_3.14159](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bovine_3.14159)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/18 "2005-02-25T03:38:51Z")
Oh, oh, oh! After my very first posts in the pit & looking like a jerk (bad me) I said I’d go back to lurkdom. I can’t! Here’s my very favorite childhood song (I still sing it in the shower & teach it to the urchins I babysit): My mama don’t wear no socks, a ding-dong I saw her when she took 'em off, a ding-dong She threw them against the fence, a ding-dong Haven’t seen the mailman since. A ding-dong, dong, dong, dong A ding-dong, dong, dong, dong A ding-dong. My mama don’t wear no socks, a ding-dong I saw her when she took 'em off, a ding-dong She threw them against the tree, a ding-dong Now the dog just can’t pee. A ding-dong… … She threw them on the floor… Daddy won’t come back no more… … She threw them in the sky… Superman refuses to fly… The thing goes on forever. My steamboat song was exactly like that of C3, but Miss Susie was the main character. Man, I miss being young. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/19 "2005-02-25T03:44:24Z")
> [@Farmwoman](#): > > Miss Mona had a baby > She named him Tiny Tim > She threw him in the bathtub > To see if he could swim > > He sank to the bottom > He floated to the top > Miss Mona got excited > And she grabbed him by the > > Cocktails gingerale > 5 cents a glass… The version I know goes… Mizz Lucy had a baby His name was Tiny Tim She threw him in the bathtub To see if he could swim He drank up all the water Ate up all the soap He tried to eat the bathtub But it woulndn’t go down his throat. Miss Lucy called the doctor The doctor called the nurse The nurse called the lady with the aligator purse There’s another verse I no longer remember. Here’s another one I just remembered My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We’ve locked up all the teachers We’ve broken every rule We shot the principal Now it’s really cool Glory Glory Halleluah The teacher hit me with a ruler I met her at teh door with a loaded forty four and sha sint gona teach no more I can’t remember how it ends. Something about marching on though. ---
**Author:** ![Detritus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@Detritus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Detritus)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/20 "2005-02-25T03:47:11Z")
> [@Ellis Dee](#): > > Suffocation, super suffocation > Suffocation, a game you ought to play… > > Please tell me I’m not the only one who knew these. I’m not sick and deranged, I swear! Another sick and deranged person here! Damn, I wish I had known that second verse about 20 years ago… How 'bout some classic “to the tune of”? On top of old Smokey / all covered with grass I shot my poor teacher / right in the ass I shot her with pleasure / I shot her with pride I couldn’t have missed her / she was 40 feet wide I went to her funeral / I went to her grave All the people threw flowers / I threw hand grenades Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We have tortured every teacher / we have broken every rule We got into the office and we killed the principal Our truth is marching on Glory glory halleluliah Teacher hit me with a ruler I hid behind the door With a loaded .44 Now the teacher ain’t the teacher no more! Damn, Catholic school kids are bloodthirsty little monsters! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793.md?page=2)