# Mary had a steamboat... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 25, 2005, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793 "2005-02-25T01:04:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/21 "2005-02-25T04:39:14Z")
I’m looking over My dead dog Rover That I just hit with the mower One leg is missing The other is gone The rest of him’s scattered all over the lawn …erm, is there more to this? There should be, if there isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/22 "2005-02-25T04:46:14Z")
Yay, these were fun! Love the regional differences. Ours was Miss Suzie, and we had a different ending too. Assk me no more questions tell me no more lies Miss Suzie told me all of this the day before she Dyed her hair a-purple She dyed her hair a-pink She dyed her hair a-black & blue and it began to stink/and washed it down the sink! The stink/sink debate was huge in fourth grade. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/23 "2005-02-25T05:27:55Z")
I’m embarassed at the fact that I know almost every song that’s been posted to this thread. > [@Stuffy](#): > > The version I know goes… > > Mizz Lucy had a baby > His name was Tiny Tim > She threw him in the bathtub > To see if he could swim > > He drank up all the water > Ate up all the soap > He tried to eat the bathtub > But it woulndn’t go down his throat. > > Miss Lucy called the doctor > The doctor called the nurse > The nurse called the lady with the aligator purse > > There’s another verse I no longer remember. IIRC, In walked the doctor In walked the nurse In walked the lady with the alligator purse Measles said the doctor Mumps said the nurse Nothing! said the lady with the alligator purse There’s more, I think. It’s _very_ repetitive in my memory, but that doesn’t surprise me, being that it’s from when I was what, 10? ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/24 "2005-02-25T06:23:18Z")
The ending that I remember for the Tiny Tim song is: Miss Lulu kicked the doctor Miss Lulu kicked the nurse Miss Lulu kissed the lady with the alligator purse! Also there was one I learned at camp: We are the girls from Starlight Revue We’ll take it off and show it to you! We’ve got style, we’ve got class We like to wiggle our big…toes! ---
**Author:** ![Ichini\_Sanshigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/d9b06d/32.png) [@Ichini\_Sanshigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichini_Sanshigo)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/25 "2005-02-25T06:40:00Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > What about the one that ends: > > Doctor, doctor, will I die? > Count to five and you’re alive! > 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! I’m alive! > > That’s all I can remember. Ooooh ooooh! I know this one!: I met my boyfriend at the candy store He bought me ice cream he bought me cake He bought me home with a bellyache. Mama Mama I’m so sick Call the doctor QUICK QUICK QUICK! Doctor doctor, will I die? Count to five and you’ll be alive. 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! I’m alive And it ain’t no jive!!! And there’s also: I don’t wanna go to Mexico no more more more! There’s a big fat policeman at my door door door. He grabbed me by the collar and made me pay a dollar I don’t wanna go to Mexico no more more more! Now I need to find some string to play cat’s cradle with my niece! ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/26 "2005-02-25T06:51:36Z")
How can it be that no one’s mentioned the cafeteria lunch song? Grrreeeat green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat Chopped up baby parakeet French fried eyeballs rolling down a dirty street Oops, I forgot my spoon, So I’ll use a straaaaaaaw. (SLLLLUUUUURRRRRP!) ---
**Author:** ![Hoops](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoops/32/6408_2.png) [@Hoops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoops)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/27 "2005-02-25T08:02:30Z")
Our version of Suffocation went: Suffocation, die of suffocation Suffocation, the only way to go! First you take a pillowcase Then you put it on your face Go to bed, wake up dead, whoa oh oh oh Suffocation, die of suffocation Suffocation, the only way to go! First you take a garden hose Then you stick it up your nose Turn it on, then you’re gone, whoa oh oh oh Suffocation, die of suffocation Suffocation, the only way to go! (to the tune of Alloutte) This would be from Baltimore in the mid-seventies. (I think it would be interesting if people maybe included location and era info for their variations–maybe we can spot some patterns!) ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/28 "2005-02-25T08:30:21Z")
Wow - lots of versions of Mary Had a Steamboat. The one I remember is similar to C3’s version: Mary had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell Mary went to heaven The steamboat went to Hello operator Connect me number nine If you do not connect me I’ll kick you in your big Behind the refrigerator There is some broken glass Mary sat upon it And cut her little Ask me no more questions I’ll tell you no more lies Mary told me all this just before she died. I can’t believe nobody’s posted: I’m Popeye the sailor man I live in a frying pan I turn on the gas and burn up my ass I’m Popeye the sailor man I’m Popeye the sailor man I live in a garbage can I eat all the worms and spit out the germs I’m Popeye the sailor man ---
**Author:** ![CBCD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@CBCD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBCD)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/29 "2005-02-25T08:59:55Z")
> [@Detritus](#): > > Glory glory hallelujah > Teacher hit me with a ruler > I hid behind the door > With a loaded .44 > Now the teacher ain’t the teacher no more! I sang a version that went: Glory, glory hallelujah Teacher hit me with a ruler I shot her in the bean With a German submarine And now she’s black and blue ---
**Author:** ![Detritus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@Detritus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Detritus)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/30 "2005-02-25T11:35:54Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > How can it be that no one’s mentioned the cafeteria lunch song? > > Grrreeeat green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts > Mutilated monkey meat > Chopped up baby parakeet > French fried eyeballs rolling down a dirty street > Oops, I forgot my spoon, > So I’ll use a straaaaaaaw. (SLLLLUUUUURRRRRP!) I can’t believe I forgot that one! Come to think of it…Could my DAD have actually taught me that? How long has that one been around? Our version went: Great big globs of greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey butts Little birdy tweety feet French fried eyeballs floating down a bloody stream And I forgot my spoon! But I brought a straaaaaaw! (Slllluuuurrrp!) ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/31 "2005-02-25T12:06:36Z")
We always said, “Little dirty birdy feet” and the rest of **phouka’s** lyrics. (I actually sing this song all the time…I’m 32 - how sad is that?) ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/32 "2005-02-25T14:27:18Z")
I don’t wanna go to Mexico no more, more, more There’s a big, fat policeman at the door, door, door He’ll take you by the collar, Make you eat a dollar, I don’t wanna go to Mexico no more, more, more. (And then you tap the other kid on the top of his/her head as quickly as you could after the last word was said.) Bobo, ski ot-dot Oom not, oom nay-nay I am boom-boom, eenie-meenie, dot-dot Bobo, ski ot-dot! ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/33 "2005-02-25T14:27:59Z")
“On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed. It rolled off the table, and onto the floor, And then my poor meatball rolled right out the door.” I think there’s more verses, detailing the fate of the poor meatball, but darned if I can remember them. "Hi! My name is Bob. I have a wife and three kids and I work in a button factory. One day, my boss came up to me and said, ‘Bob, are you busy?’ I said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Push this button with your right hand.’ " And then it repeats, with Bob pushing buttons with his left hand, feet, and nose. Along with accompanying hand and foot motions. Takes a while. There’s another one with a caterpillar: "I was sittin’ on a fence post, chewing on my bubblegum \ Playing with my yoyo \ When along comes Herman the worm. And he was _this_ big. And I said, ‘Herman! What happened?!’ He said, ‘I ate my mom.’ " The song goes on, and Herman gets bigger and bigger as he eats his other family members. The last line he comes and he’s really small again. “Herman! What happened?!” “I burped.” ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/34 "2005-02-25T14:52:31Z")
> [@Dijon Warlock](#): > > I’m looking over > My dead dog Rover > That I just hit with the mower > > One leg is missing > The other is gone > The rest of him’s scattered all over the lawn > > …erm, is there more to this? There should be, if there isn’t. no sense explaining the one leg remaining it’s spinning on the carport floor I’m looking over my dead dog Rover who I over looked before. I’m looking over my dead dog Rover who I hit with the power mower my dog’s not eating, he no longer barks he hit the propeller and turned into sparks no need explaining there’s no dog remaining he’s a part of the lawn you see I’m looking over my dead dog Rover who I sent to eternity. _Having a collection of Dr. Demento records pays off!_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/35 "2005-02-25T15:31:43Z")
Wow, this thread really took off! Someone will have to finish this one…I can’t remember it all: (sung to the tune of “Battle Hymn of the Republic”) I saw a burning body fall from forty-thousand feet, He kicked, he screamed, he clawed the air, My God! It was so neat… (can’t remember the rest of the verse) Gory, gory, what a helluva way to die! Gory, gory, what a helluva way to die! Gory, gory, what a helluva way to die! …and he’ll never go home again! ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/36 "2005-02-25T16:05:25Z")
> [@Ellis Dee](#): > > I’m embarassed at the fact that I know almost every song that’s been posted to this thread.IIRC, > > In walked the doctor > In walked the nurse > In walked the lady with the alligator purse > > Measles said the doctor > Mumps said the nurse > Nothing! said the lady with the alligator purse > > There’s more, I think. It’s _very_ repetitive in my memory, but that doesn’t surprise me, being that it’s from when I was what, 10? Last I heard (actually a couple months ago. Sharon Lois and Bram are fun) Measles said the doctor Mumps said the nurse Chicken pox said the lady with the alligator purse Penicillin said the doctor Penicillin said the nurse Pizza! said the lady with the alligator purse Out went the doctor Out went the nurse Out went the lady with the alligator purse **Snickers** I remember Herman the worm! You have to say his name more like ‘Hoi-men!’ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monster)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/37 "2005-02-25T16:37:28Z")
> [@Lsura](#): > > And there’s one in my head that I’m trying to remember - but I can’t remember the beginning or I’d have the whole thing. It’s one of the ones that we girls had the clapping things too - where we’d clap hands with each other, either in pairs or in groups, The one I’m thinking of had parts like: > > I got a boyfriend > a-biscuit > He’s so-o sweet > a-biscuit > Ice cream soda with a cherry on TOP > Ice cream soda with a cherry on TOP > Down down baby, down down the rollercoaster > Sweet sweet baby, I’ll never let you go > (and that’s all I can remember at the moment). Down down baby Down down (the roller coaster) Sweet sweet baby Sweet sweet (don’t let me go) Shimmy shimmy cocoa puffs Shimmy shimmy down Shimmy shimmy cocoa puffs Shimmy shimmy down I’ve got a lover (a biscuit) He’s so sweet (a biscuit) Like a cherry tree (a biscuit) Two times a turtle Pull down your girdle Two times a turtle Pull up your girdle Shake hands with Myrtle! That’s what I remember. ---
**Author:** ![Zap\_Rowsdower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3da27b/32.png) [@Zap\_Rowsdower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zap_Rowsdower)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/38 "2005-02-25T16:44:47Z")
My mother told me to open the door The crazy old man from China I opened the door he fell on the floor TCOMFC My mother told me to put him to bed TCOMFC I put him to bed, off fell his head TCOMFC My mother told me to take him outside TCOMFC I took him outside (forget) TCOMFC My mother told me to bury him deep TCOMFC I buried him deep, out stuck his feet TCOMFC Missing verses My mother told me to look in the sky TCOMFC I looked in the sky, he spit in my eye TCOMFC All I can recall right now. ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/39 "2005-02-25T16:53:11Z")
Did you ever think when a hearse went by That you would be the next to die? They wrap you in a bloody sheet and put in in the ground so deep. The first few days it isn’t bad. But then the casket starts to seep. The worms crawl in the worms craw out and some play pinochle on your snout. Your body turns a gastly green And pus runs out like whipping cream. And that’s the end of a perfect life. ---
**Author:** ![shadowfax33](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@shadowfax33](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shadowfax33)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/40 "2005-02-25T16:57:01Z")
To the tune of “This Land is Your Land.” This land is my land, this land ain’t your land I’ve got a shotgun, and you ain’t got one If you don’t get off, I’ll blow your head off This land was made for only me I remember versions to many of the little ditties mentioned, and have passed some on to my children, who’ve then passed them on to their friends. Can’t let a great tradition die. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793.md?page=3)