# Mary had a steamboat... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 25, 2005, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793 "2005-02-25T01:04:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/81 "2005-03-01T14:11:46Z")
Taaa-ra-ra boom-de-ay They took my clothes away When I was standing there They took my underwear And now I stare at them They stare at me And I don’t know what to do Ba-boo-ba-boo. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/82 "2005-03-01T15:32:32Z")
Listen, Listen! The cat’s a pissin’ Where, Where? Under the chair! Hasten, Jason and fetch the basin. Whoops too late. Bring the mop. And The cutest boy (the cutest boy ) I ever saw (I ever saw) Was sippin’ ci… (was sippin’ ci) -der through a straw The cutest boy I ever saw… was sippin’ cider through a straw. I asked him if (I asked him if) He’d show me how (he’d show me how) To sip sweet ci… (to sip sweet ci) -der through a straw. I asked him if he’d show me how… to sip sweet cider through a straw. So cheek to cheek (so cheek to cheek) and jowl to jowl (and jowl to jowl) We sipped sweet ci… (we sipped sweet ci) -der through a straw. So cheek to cheek and jowl to jowl… we sipped sweet cider through a straw. And as we sipped (and as we sipped) the straw did slip (the straw did slip) and I sipped ci… (and I sipped ci) -der from his lips. And as we sipped the straw did slip … and I sipped cider from his lips. That’s how I got (that’s how I got) My mother-in-law (my mother-in-law) by sippin’ ci… (by sippin’ ci)-der through a straw. That’s how I got my mother-in-law… by sippin’ cider through a straw. Now seventeen kids (now seventeen kids) All call me “Ma” (All call me “Ma”) as they sip ci… (as they sip ci)-der through a straw. Now seventeen kids all call me “Ma”… as they sip cider through a straw. The moral of (the moral of) The story is (the story is) Don’t sip your ci- (don’t sip your ci-) der through a straw. The moral of the story is… Don’t sip your cider through a straw. DRINK MILK! ---
**Author:** ![CurlyD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ee7513/32.png) [@CurlyD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CurlyD)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/83 "2005-03-01T17:18:44Z")
Different versions: Hasten, Jason, bring the basin! Whoops, slop, bring the mop. Listen, listen, cat’s a’pissin’ Where, where? Under the chair! Quick, get the gun! Aw, shit, she’s done. How dry I am. How wet I’ll be If I don’t find the bathroom key. I found the key. I opened the door. It was too late. I flooded the floor. Jingle bells, shotgun shells, Rabbits all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride In a worn out Chevrolet! Comet, it makes your teeth so clean Comet, tastes just like Listerine Comet will make you vomit So get some Comet and vomit today Where I grew up it was Lulu who had a steamboat. I always wondered what she was doing sitting down behind the 'frigerator - how’d she get back there, anyway? And finally, Hagalena Magalena Oopa Tocka Wocka Tocka Oatin Shoatin Toatin was her name She had two eyes in her head One was green and the other was red Hagalena Magalena Oopa Tocka Wocka Tocka Oatin Shoatin Toatin was her name She had two teeth in her mough One went north and the other went south Hagalena Magalena Oopa Tocka Wocka Tocka Oatin Shoatin Toatin was her name She had some hair on her back Some was orange and some was black Hagalena Magalena Oopa Tocka Wocka Tocka Oatin Shoatin Toatin was her name ---
**Author:** ![friggae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/45deac/32.png) [@friggae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friggae)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/84 "2005-03-01T20:14:14Z")
> [@Flutterby](#): > > Hello operator > Give me number nine > and if you disconnect me > I’ll kick you in > > Behind the yellow curtain > there was a piece of glass > Miss Suzy sat upon it > and hurt her little > > Ask me no more questions > Tell me no more lies > The boys are in the bathroom > Doing up their > > Flies are in the city > the bees are in the park > Miss Lucy and her boyfriend > are kissing in the dark > > and on through the ‘dark is like a movie’ only 18 hour bra sounds wrong. I forget what it was though. We also did Kit Kat, but that’s not strange it was just the jingle put to a clapping game. …Dark dark dark Dark is like a movie A movie’s like a show A show is like a tv show And that is all I know I know my ma I know I know my pa I know I know my sister with the 18 hour bra! ---
**Author:** ![hocow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hocow/32/4112_2.png) [@hocow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hocow)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/85 "2005-03-01T20:27:47Z")
> [@Flutterby](#): > > Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack > All dress in black black black > With silver buttons buttons buttons > All down her back back back > > She could not read read read > She could not write write write > But she could could could > Smoke her father’s pipe pipe pipe > > She asked her mother mother mother > For fifty cents cents cents > To see the boys boys boys > Climb up the fence fence fence > > They climbed so high high high > They reached the sky sky sky > And they never came back back back > 'Til the fourth of July-ly ly-ly I remember this one, except our version went: Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack All dress in black black black With silver buttons buttons buttons All down her back back back She asked her mother mother mother For fifty cents cents cents To see the elephants elephants elephants Jump over the fence fence fence They jumped so high high high They reached the sky sky sky And they never came back back back 'Til the fourth of July-ly ly-ly ---
**Author:** ![sciguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@sciguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciguy)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/86 "2005-03-07T22:02:49Z")
Mark me as another for “Ms. Suzie” having the steamboat… A few other ones: There’s a place in France Where the naked ladies dance there’s a hole in the wall for the men to see it all ==== To the “Whistling March tune from _Bridge over the River Kwai_” Comet! It makes your mouth turn green. Comet! It tastes like gasoline. Comet! It makes you vomit! So eat your Comet, and vomit, todaaaaay! {repeat} === The ants go marching X by X, Hoorah. Hoorah. The ants go marching X by X, Hoorah. Hoorah. The ants go marching X by X, the last one trips and {something rhyming with X} And they all go marching down…{some more stuff I can’t remember}. Repeat for X+1. 1 by 1: the last one trips and hurts his thumb. 2 by 2: the last one trips and drops his shoe. etc. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/87 "2005-03-08T00:25:45Z")
…and they all go marching down in the ground to get out of the rain, boom boom boom… But for us it was “the little one stops to suck his thumb” or whatever. This one was a popular clapping game: Oh say oh playmate Come out and play today Climb up my apple tree Play with my dollies three Slide down my rainbow Into my cellar door And we’ll be jolly friends Forever more I’m sorry playmate I cannot play today My dollies have the flu Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo I have no rainbow Into my cellar door But we’ll be jolly friends Forever more, more, shut the door Turn out the light and say goodnight. Does anyone else remember the jumprope game where you would chant H-E-L-P until you tripped, and then you’d have to do the action that went with the letter you tripped on? I think H was highwaters, L was one leg, and P was hot peppers, but I can’t remember what E was. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/88 "2005-03-08T13:48:59Z")
“Playmate” was by Kay Kyser and his Kollege of Musical Knowledge. ---
**Author:** ![caveman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/caveman/32/7242_2.png) [@caveman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caveman)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/89 "2005-03-08T14:32:20Z")
I can only conjure snippets of rhymes…I never much cared for them, yet they still echo full decades after the fact. (Pickles?) on a stick make me sick make my tummy go two forty-six not beacuse it’s dirty not because it’s clean not because he kissed the girl behind the magazine Hey girls how 'bout a fight here comes Johnny with his pants on tight he can wiggle he can wobble he can do the splits … * * * Little Bunny Fufu Hoppin’ through the forest * * * ask me no more questions and tell me no more lies and if you get hit with a bucket of shit be sure to close your eyes ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/90 "2005-03-08T15:57:51Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m looking over > My dead dog Rover > That I just hit with the mower > > One leg is missing > The other is gone > The rest of him’s scattered all over the lawn > > …erm, is there more to this? There should be, if there isn’t. The way my friend Joey sang this was (to the tune of “I’m looking over/ A four-leaf clover”): \*\*I’m looking over My dead dog Rover Who I overlooked before One leg is broken The other is lame I ran him over With my Coco-Marsh Train Oh, I’m looking over My dead dog Rover Who I overlooked before!\*\* If you don’t know what Coco-Marsh is, then you didn’t grow up in the 1960s (and maybe not in the great NYC area). It was one of thos chocolate syrups you added to milk to make chocolate milk. The name implies the presence of marshmallows, but I don’t recall any. The advertising, I’ve been told, featured animals riding on a train, hence the line above. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/91 "2005-03-08T16:00:51Z")
In my childhood, every verse of “The Ants Go Marching” ended And they all go marching Down and around and under the ground And through the rain and down the drain Boom, boom, boom ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/92 "2005-03-08T16:30:00Z")
To the tune of “Glow Little Glow Worm” Grow little boobies, bigger, bigger I wanna have a better figure I wanna look like Marilyn Monroe So grow little boobies grow! ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/93 "2005-03-08T16:56:39Z")
On top of a beer can, all covered with foam I got too druuuunnnk and couldn’t get home. I got in a taxi the one with the star it took me to a hoteeeellll the one with the bars. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/94 "2005-03-08T17:06:39Z")
If mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy, and a kid’ll eat ivy too, wouldn’t you? I like to go swimmin’ with bow legged women, so I can swim between their legs… (I’m sure there is more, but that’s all I know of that one) I don’t care if it rains or freezes, long as I got my plastic Jesus, Ridin on the dashboard of my car. Goin’ 90 it ain’t scary, long as I got the virgin mary, ridin on the dashboard of my car. You can buy a Sweet Madonna Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a Pedestal of abalone shell and on and on and on… ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/95 "2005-03-08T18:23:00Z")
“This is the story of Sally Brown Who never let one boy down. Over the hill came Pistol Pete With fifty pounds of swinging meat. He laid Sally down in the grass and stuck his dick right up her ass. Sally Brown cut a fart and blew his balls twenty feet apart. Over the hill went Pistol Pete With fifty pounds of shredded meat.” I know a couple of snippets of others (anyone remember the rest?)… (to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy) “I’m a juvenile delinquent. I roam the streets from twelve to four. I drink with sailors and I sleep with bums…” This one had a whole series of verses but I can only remember one. It was something along the lines of: “I wish all the ladies were potholes in the road, I’d be a dumptruck and fill 'em with my load.” IIRC, There was another verse about “jewels in the sea.” ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/96 "2005-03-08T18:55:45Z")
> [@DirkGntly](#): > > Wow, this thread really took off! > > Someone will have to finish this one…I can’t remember it all: > (sung to the tune of “Battle Hymn of the Republic”) > > I saw a burning body fall from forty-thousand feet, > He kicked, he screamed, he clawed the air, > My God! It was so neat… > (can’t remember the rest of the verse) > > Gory, gory, what a helluva way to die! > Gory, gory, what a helluva way to die! > Gory, gory, what a helluva way to die! > …and he’ll never go home again! This one has got to be based on _Blood On The Risers_, the unofficial official song of the 82nd Airborne Division. It was one of the first songs I ever learned to sing. Why, yes, as a matter of fact, my father was in the habit of pushing 18 year-old kids out of perfectly good airplanes. Why do you ask? > [@](#): > > To the tune of _The Battle Hymn of the Republic_ > > He was just a rookie trooper and her surely shook with fright. > He checked all his equipment and made sure his pack was tight. > He had to sit and listen to those awful engines roar: > “You ain’t gonna jump no more!” > > **CHORUS:** > Gory, gory, what a helluva way to die! > Gory, gory, what a helluva way to die! > Gory, gory, what a helluva way to die! > And he ain’t gonna jump no more! > > He counted loud, he counted long, he waited for the shock. > He felt the wind, he felt the clouds, he felt the awful drop. > He took his reserve, the silk spilled out and wrapped around his legs. > And he ain’t gonna jump no more! > > His risers wrapped around his neck, connectors cracked his dome. > His lines were tied and stalled in knots around his skinny bones. > His canopy became his shroud, he hurtled to the ground. > And he ain’t gonna jump no more! > > CHORUS > > _Slowly_ > The days he’d lived and loved and laughed kept running through his mind. > He thought about the girl back home, the one he’d left behind. > He thought about the medics and he wondered what they’d find. > And he ain’t gonna jump no more! > > The ambulance was on the spot, the jeeps were running wild. > The medics screamed and jumped with glee, rolled up their sleeves and smiled. > For it had been a week or more since last a chute had failed. > And he ain’t gonna jump no more! > > He hit the ground, the sound was SPLAT! The blood went spurting high. > His comrades then were heard to say “what a helluva way to die.” > He lay there rolling round in all the welter of his gore. > And he ain’t gonna jump no more! > > CHORUS > > _Slowly_ > There was blood upon the risers, there were brains upon his chute. > Intestines were a’danglin’ from his paratrooper suit. > They poured him from his helmet and they poured him from his boots. > And he ain’t gonna jump no more! > > _Solo voice, to the tune of Beautiful Dreamer_ > Beautiful streamer > Please open for me! > Blue skies above me > And no canopy. > I counted ten thousand > Waited too long. > Reached for my rip cord > The handle was gone! > > CHORUS. I was in grade school at Fort Bragg back in the early 80s. The 82nd Airborne Choir used to make regular appearances at our school, and that was one of the songs they always performed. While they did change “helluva” to “heckuva”, they sang the verses about the blood and gore unedited, and hammed it up considerably. Never failed to leave an auditorium full of kids rolling on the floor with uncontrollable giggle fits. ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/97 "2005-03-10T01:31:55Z")
> [@caveman](#): > > I can only conjure snippets of rhymes…I never much cared for them, yet they still echo full decades after the fact. > > (Pickles?) on a stick > make me sick > make my tummy go two forty-six > not beacuse it’s dirty > not because it’s clean > not because he kissed the girl behind the magazine I remember this as **apples** on a stick–however, I imagine _pickles_ would be MUCH worse! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2005, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/98 "2005-04-05T14:10:15Z")
McDoanld’s is my kind of place Hamburgers in your face French fries up in your nose Cokes in your panty hose At McDonald’s they got choclate shakes They taste like rattlesnakes McDonald’s is my kind of place ---
**Author:** ![shorin-ryu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@shorin-ryu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shorin-ryu)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2005, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/99 "2005-04-05T17:29:42Z")
How 'bout a few to the tune of “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean”? My Bonnie lay over the gas tank The height of its content to see She lit a small match to assist her Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me! Or, a classic: My Bonnie has tuberculosis, My Bonnie has one rotten lung, She spits up her blood in convulsions And dries it and sells it as gum Dentyne, Dentyne, Cinnamon flavor too! Not to the same tune, but: Gramma’s in the cellar, lordy don’t you smell 'er, Baking biscuits on that darn old dirty stove And the rather is the matter That keeps dripping in the batter, And she whistles while the (sniff!) runs down her nose ---
**Author:** ![sandrad5827](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sandrad5827](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandrad5827)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793/100 "2010-10-08T17:37:50Z")
Here’s my favorite: Late one morning, In the middle of the night, Two dead boys started a fight. Back to back, they faced each other Pulled out swords and shot each other A deaf policeman heard the noise And came and killed the two dead boys If you don’t believe my story’s true Ask the blind man; he saw it too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mary-had-a-steamboat/291793.md?page=6)