# Massacre your favourite literature with a limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 24, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812 "2003-03-24T17:20:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/1 "2003-03-24T17:20:42Z")
Rules of engagement:[ul][li]Original work only please[_]Try to emulate the style of the original in some way (in case someone doesn’t know it)[_]Include a link to the original if possibleUse the spoiler box[/ul]Here’s my first attempt.[/li] [Follower](http://plagiarist.com/poetry/?wid=5619) by Seamus Heaney When young, I recall quite enjoying my dad’s skill at ploughing the cloying earth of the ground. I followed him round. But now he’s just old and annoying. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/2 "2003-03-24T17:23:05Z")
Correction:[ul]Include a link to the original if possible (in case someone doesn’t know it)[/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/3 "2003-03-24T17:35:06Z")
Is this the sort of thing you’re after? **MacBeth** – a Limerick [First Witch] When shall we three meet again In thunder, in lightning or rain? [Second Witch] It gets rather boring To meet where it’s pouring. [Third Witch] I vote for the south coast of Spain. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/4 "2003-03-24T17:47:21Z")
**jr8** , that’s perfect! 😃 [Kubla Khan](http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/stc/Coleridge/poems/Kubla_Khan.html) by Samuel Taylor Coleridge: Xanadu had me really impressed. Kubla’s dome was completely the best: It had gardens and hills, And some babe with the chills, And… oh shit. I forgot all the rest. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/5 "2003-03-24T18:07:41Z")
More Shakespeare: **Hamlet** To be or, perchance, not to be; It’s hard to decide it, you see: To snuff it and end it, To stay here and mend it, Or bump off my whole family. **Romeo and Juliet** Although Juliet’s ‘death’ was a myth, She and Romeo perished forthwith. One might well have hoped That, instead, they’d eloped Under “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith”. Why are we using spoiler tags again? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/6 "2003-03-24T18:38:57Z")
Well my thinking was this: if you saw a parody without first knowing the thing being parodied, it might lessen the impact of the parody. Hence the request for the link and the spoiler tag. Perhaps I’m being a bit picky. ---
**Author:** ![Rib\_Eye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/53a042/32.png) [@Rib\_Eye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rib_Eye)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/7 "2003-03-24T18:59:07Z")
Bilbo, you see, found a ring And it seemed and innocuous thing But 'twas Isildur’s bane And the cause of much pain And songs for Led Zepp’lin to sing ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/8 "2003-03-24T20:06:56Z")
Get Eve’s ass in here! I want her to do one. ::chanting like a drunken Philadelphia Eagles fan:: EVE! EVE! EVE! EVE! EVE!.. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/9 "2003-03-24T21:35:38Z")
To Kill a Mockingbird, with apologies to Harper Lee and anyone who appreciates proper scansion: When Atticus described his dissent With killing, I didn’t get his intent. But when dressed as a ham, I got attacked by a man, Then Boo killed him, and I understood what he’d meant. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/10 "2003-03-24T21:49:31Z")
The Grapes of Wrath (final chapter - SERIOUS spoiler) There once was a young female Okie Stuck in a barn wet and soakie Who said a man needs to eat So come suck on my teat And it will all turn out okey-dokey I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/11 "2003-03-24T22:04:49Z")
**Jurassic Park** There was a rich man named John Hammond Who had scientists at his commammond. One day on a lark He built a dinosaur park, Chaos Theory and OSHA be damnoned. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/12 "2003-03-24T22:19:30Z")
_Atlas Shrugged_, by Ayn Rand. There once was a man named Galt, Who said it was communists’ fault, While the lefties were preying, He went on strike, saying: “It’s the engine of the world that I’ll halt.” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/13 "2003-03-24T22:39:20Z")
The Bible (not for the easily offended): Eve and Adam were cast out of Eden, For Moses, the Red Sea’s recedin’, The Flood was a killer, Lot’s wife is a pillar, And we’re all saved by Jesus’ bleedin’. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/14 "2003-03-24T22:50:05Z")
I don’t know how to do spoilers (someone will inform me how, I’m sure), so I’ll just get right to my Aeneid limerick: I sing of arms and the man Who had a magnificent plan: “Since the Greeks burned my home, I’ll ship out and found Rome. With my Pop and my whole Trojan clan.” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/15 "2003-03-24T23:00:56Z")
Just type {spoiler} bla bla bla {/spoiler}, but replace { } with . ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/16 "2003-03-24T23:06:05Z")
_The Orchid Thief_ by Susan Orlean There once was a thief named Laroche, Whose manner was vulgar and gauche, But on the topic of flowers He’d go on for hours With a passion that was beyond reproach. ---
**Author:** ![bristlesage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@bristlesage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bristlesage)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/17 "2003-03-24T23:07:55Z")
1984: A fellow named Winston did some drinking, The kind that leads nat’rally to thinking, He was a follower of Goldstein, And with Julia did dine, But in the end Room 101 got him finking. I’m not so great at this game. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/18 "2003-03-24T23:33:40Z")
There once was a clown oh-so scary Who haunted the sewers of Derry But with Turtles & Chud Kids nipped “It” in the bud But was the pre-teen orgy necessary? ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/19 "2003-03-24T23:45:21Z")
Literature? Well…it’s a book… Not many words can do justice for the gentleman out there who lost us his hat is absurd he speaks nary a word Yet we search for dear Waldo amongst us ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/20 "2003-03-24T23:50:02Z")
How about this? **The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn** Huck Finn was a young orphaned lad Who found civilized life pretty bad But then Jim the slave He decided to save And oh! what adventures they had! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812.md?page=2)