# Massacre your favourite literature with a limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 24, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812 "2003-03-24T17:20:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/21 "2003-03-25T00:11:14Z")
It’s a two-for-one special on deposed kings today… [_Richard II_](http://www.uoregon.edu/~rbear/shake/rii.html) by William Shakespeare King Richard would soon be uncrowned, So he said, “Let us sit on the ground; Since we’re losing our throne, Deaths of kings we’ll bemoan” – And much more that was quasi-profound. And I apologize in advance for the following… 😉 [_Edward II_](http://www.bartleby.com/46/1/) by Christopher Marlowe King Edward was at an impasse, For he’d rather a lad than a lass. Got deposed by his queen, And his death was obscene: It was really a pain in the ass. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/22 "2003-03-25T00:37:30Z")
There’s a babe and Kirk’s seein’ her With all antenii ‘n’ fur Despite beaming has died And redshirts have fried We’ll end in dues ex machina! ---
**Author:** ![SnugTheJoiner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@SnugTheJoiner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnugTheJoiner)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/23 "2003-03-25T01:45:44Z")
THE SCARLET LETTER by Nathaniel Hawthorne: Hester Prynne met the preacher one day And gave him a roll in the hay. She was bashful, not sultry– But good at adult’ry? She must be! They gave her an “A.” ---
**Author:** ![Splanky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@Splanky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Splanky)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/24 "2003-03-25T02:15:35Z")
[Jabberwocky, by Lewis Carrol](http://www-hons.dcs.st-and.ac.uk/~dsc/poetry/jabberwocky.html) If you want to slay a Jabberwock, A vopal sword you need, not rock, That Jabberwocky’s head is something, you must ride back with it galumphing, 'fore the borogroves put thy in shock. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/25 "2003-03-25T02:45:49Z")
**Heart of Darkness** by Joseph Conrad: Marlow the intrepid explorer Was seeking the ivory hoarder He found Kurtz in his bed Soon Mistah Kurtz, he was dead Leaving nothing behind but the horror A Midsummer Night’s Dream: Two laddies with each his fair lass Got lost in a wooded morass Puck taught them a lesson And the weddings they pressed on But Titania sure felt the ass! ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/26 "2003-03-25T04:18:47Z")
**Of Mice and Men** by John Steinbeck There once was this fella named Lenny, Who dreamed of owning rabbits in a pen . . . nie, ‘Til he killed a girl dead, And got shot in the head, And now friends, his pal George ain’t got any. ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/27 "2003-03-25T04:23:57Z")
**Frankenstein** by Mary Shelly There once was a doctor quite mad, Who gave life to a man in his lab, Made from spare bits of flesh, And a brain not quite fresh, Which all led to an ending quite sad. ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/28 "2003-03-25T04:27:20Z")
**Dracula** by Bram Stoker A eurotrash Count name of Vlad, In England, bought a parcel of land, Then moved there posthaste, To woo Mina, most chaste, That sucker was one naughty lad. ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/29 "2003-03-25T04:36:32Z")
**Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde** by Robert Louis Stevenson Good old Hank Jeckyll, brain Doc, The secrets of the mind he’d unlock, When his own drug he tried, Henry turned into Hyde, And gave stodgy old London a shock. ---
**Author:** ![AwSnappity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/30 "2003-03-25T04:37:30Z")
**Catcher in the Rye** with my apoligies to Mr. Salinger Everyone’s so goddamn phony I’m always depressed and so lonely Slowly going insane Allie’s death is to blame? Read the book for complete testimony. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/31 "2003-03-25T04:47:55Z")
**2001** , with liberties: In the year of two-thousand and one, Man is moving away from the sun. Can a big giant fetus Be the person to lead us? Evolution has barely begun! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/32 "2003-03-25T04:57:39Z")
**Ulysses** : This story of Irish malaise Baffles students for days upon days. If the prose is too thick, Follow my simple trick: Bribe your teacher to give you all A’s. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/33 "2003-03-25T04:57:40Z")
Moby-Dick Sit right back and hear a tale Of a sailor we’ll call Ishmael His trip ended badly When his captain quite madly Lost the ship and went down with the whale. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/34 "2003-03-25T05:21:11Z")
**Paradise Lost:** The Devil, that sensitive fellow, With his boss Lord God lost his mellow. When asked to repent, Defiance he sent: “If Heaven won’t serve me then Hell will.” ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/35 "2003-03-25T05:34:16Z")
**The Great Gatsby** A handsome ex-soldier named Jay, Turned to crime and he made it pay. He took up with Daisy Her husband went crazy And Wilson then blew Jay away. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/36 "2003-03-25T06:06:12Z")
**The Old Man and the Sea** After eighty four days without fish Santiago is starting to wish For a little more luck Then his line is struck But the marlin ends up a shark dish. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/37 "2003-03-25T11:35:22Z")
_Watership Down_ Some rabbits led by Hazel-rah Bid to their old warren “ta-ta!” The guys found a new land, Far from murdering man, But forgot to take does to make “ooh-la-la!” ---
**Author:** ![brainfizz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/da6949/32.png) [@brainfizz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainfizz)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/38 "2003-03-25T12:08:41Z")
The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant Thomas, a leper, I’m told, Was sent to a land so old, Feeling no pain, He was Lord Foul’s Bane, With his magical ring of white gold. ---
**Author:** ![Aro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b3f665/32.png) [@Aro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aro)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/39 "2003-03-25T12:15:41Z")
_“The Worst Journey in the World”_ by Apsley Cherry-Garrard Brave men sailed by sea to the Pole, With ponies and dogs each to play a role. Treking hard through the frozen plot The men followed Captain Scott, But the wild weather took its harsh toll. Not getting very far, 'twas real tough, Luck never in, weather always too rough. The strengh found not to relent Led to three men dead in a tent, One returned, who’d had quite enough. Had to do in in two 'cause I’m not very good at being concise. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/40 "2003-03-25T13:20:20Z")
Jane Austen’s **Pride and Prejudice** : ‘Liz Bennett was at her wits’ end, For her family had gone round the bend. But then D’Arcy stepped in, Setting things neat as a pin, And now Lizzie has a rich husband! Helen Fielding’s **Bridget Jones’ Diary** In diary entries most breezy, Bridget appears a tad sleazy: Too much lust, pudge & drink Led her to think That Darcy was IT, if not easy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812.md?page=3)