# Massacre your favourite literature with a limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 24, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812 "2003-03-24T17:20:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/41 "2003-03-25T13:29:28Z")
\*\* Rosemary’s Baby \*\* Dear Rosemary, I think you’ve been had. Moved into a place that was bad. Going to have a baby. Did you ever think maybe He’d be a devil of a lad? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/42 "2003-03-25T13:43:10Z")
Nick Hornby’s **High Fidelity** and **About a Boy** : [spoiler]Rob Gordon was stuck in a groove, When Laura announced she would move. Plumbing his past, and jealousy Led to a dawning “maturity” Which the muso was hard-pressed to prove. Will wallowed in his slacker’s freedom To seduce women, and then leave 'em. Then he hit on a ruse, Where he would pitch woos, So that single mums couldn’t resist him.[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/43 "2003-03-25T13:51:44Z")
The life of Sylvia Plath: Sylvia Plath became quite the poetess, 'Though with depression she remained under duress. Well, at least she wrote “Ariel,” And married Ted, and all, Before stopping short of Medea’s murderousness. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/44 "2003-03-25T14:04:19Z")
Greil Marcus’ **Lipstick Traces: A Secret History of the Twentieth Century** : The Sex Pistols were, yes, a punk band most rude. But in cultural influences they were thoroughly stewed: Like Dada and the Situationists. But for this ex-grad student, it’s Stunt scholarship for music so crude! ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/45 "2003-03-25T15:18:13Z")
A foundling found Sophie quite weddable So it was all the more regrettable That through error and sin He found himself in A plot quite complex and Oedipal ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/46 "2003-03-25T15:45:30Z")
Some kids who played games in Narnia Got gradually balmier & balmier… [sub]Okay, it’s not original. But this most excellent thread did remind me of it, being among my favorite literature.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/47 "2003-03-25T15:58:13Z")
\*_The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe_ by C.S. Lewis Four kids into Narnia fell And fell under the wicked queen’s spell But Aslan the Lion, Though suffering and dyin’, Rose again, and it all ended well. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/48 "2003-03-25T16:12:21Z")
Continuing in the Narnia Chronicles with **The Magician’s Nephew** : You can see some incredible things With the use of some magical rings: Quiet woods, evil queen, Talking animals, e’en; And He who creates worlds when he sings. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/49 "2003-03-25T16:58:09Z")
One for the geekiest of the geeks, based on RA Salvatore’s magnum opus: That stupid dark elf tweaker Drizz’t, a sword in each skinny drow fizz’t, was, when 3E came out made the model, no doubt, for ranger PCs. God, I’m pizz’t! Daniel ---
**Author:** ![manwithaplan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@manwithaplan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manwithaplan)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/50 "2003-03-25T17:14:54Z")
J.M. Synge’s _Playboy of the Western World_ A young lad killed his Da with a spade, And hid out in the west, quite afraid, He was thought a big man, For offing his clan, But his 'oul boy wasn’t quite slayed. ---
**Author:** ![Rib\_Eye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/53a042/32.png) [@Rib\_Eye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rib_Eye)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/51 "2003-03-25T17:41:14Z")
A man was sent to the clink Named Coffey, spelled not like the drink He sent psychic tingles And resurrected squashed Jingles And took out Wild Bill that damned fink ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/52 "2003-03-25T19:26:16Z")
[Lonesome Dove](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/067168390X/qid=1048619898/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-7239806-2547259) by Larry McMurtry Gus and Call, storied Rangers of yore Drove cattle to Montana and more. Weakness, Call won’t admit, Gus talked, and cows shit – Why’d they do it? The love of a whore. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/53 "2003-03-25T20:22:32Z")
**Fall of the House of Usher** : Usher, that degenerate prick, Harbored fantasies twisted and sick. 'Til a flaw in the mansion, Much worse than my scansion, Covered Usher and sister with brick. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/54 "2003-03-25T20:49:57Z")
**Charlotte’s Web** “Some Pig” wrote the literate spider While Wilbur, the pig, just grew wider. Charlotte’s own home-spun tracts Saved the pig from the axe – That’s too bad! I love roast ham and cider. ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/55 "2003-03-25T21:19:12Z")
**The Raven** by Edgar Allen Poe On a night dark and dreary for sure, Didst I pine for my lady Lenore, 'Til arrived here a guest, Foul dark feathered pest, Quoth that bloody black bird, “Nevermore!” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/56 "2003-03-25T21:33:05Z")
**Fahrenheit 451** by Ray Bradbury: Meet Guy Montag, unsettled fire-setter: He burns books, but decides it’s better To abscond with a few, Hoping he won’t come to rue That’s he’s not following the law to the letter. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/57 "2003-03-25T21:47:02Z")
**Madame Bovary** by Gustave Flaubert: Emma wed Charles for the living, Then discovered he was utterly boring. For a buzz, she went shopping, For the thrill, she went shtupping, And dodged her bills through arsenic self-poisoning. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/58 "2003-03-25T21:59:33Z")
**Gulliver’s Travels** Sailor Gulliver travelled the sea And found places odd, you’ll agree. Lilliputians were tiny (and really quite whiney) But the Horse-folk were nice as could be. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/59 "2003-03-25T22:04:14Z")
**Sister Carrie** by Theodore Dreiser: Through passive Carrie M., what Dreiser says is That sex, alienation, and market forces Undermine us they would, As they did to Hurstwood, So pay no mind to a PYT’s tresses! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/60 "2003-03-25T22:10:39Z")
**The Old Man and the Sea** by Ernest Hemingway: Though not all that rich in dialogue, Hemingway’s fish tale’s a storied travelogue Of the Florida Strait For Cubans who won’t wait For Castro to reach his epilogue. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812.md?page=4)