# Massacre your favourite literature with a limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 24, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812 "2003-03-24T17:20:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/61 "2003-03-25T22:24:11Z")
The Fellowship of the RingThere once was a Hobbit named Frodo Who was told by a crusty old dodo, You must take this ring And destroy the thing, Or Middle-Earth is doomed, in toto. The Two Towers The fellowship’s broken, and how! Sam and Frodo are on their own now. Aragorn will keep An eye on Helm’s deep. Will the Hobbits end up spider chow? The Return of the King Aragorn has reclaimed his crown, Barad-dur has come crashing down. Frodo, sadly, must scram. “See you later old Sam,” He says as he rides out of town. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/62 "2003-03-25T22:28:25Z")
**The Art of War** by Sun Tzu: Through ancient _bon mots_ militaristic, Sun Tzu offers advice both strategic and tactic: Divide, conquer, and will, And don’t fight uphill… And so on, all disarmingly aphoristic. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/63 "2003-03-25T22:29:10Z")
(Revealed in the final line.) A murderer thought he was smart To conceal his crime by his art In the end he confessed His mind quite distressed By the sound of the telltale heart. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/64 "2003-03-25T22:29:46Z")
Shakespear’s **Julius Ceasar** Romans and countrymen, lend me your ear Fair Ceaser’s death should not bring you to tear The good that men do Often gets buried too May it not be with this fellow here. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/65 "2003-03-25T22:44:23Z")
**MAD** magazine, by The Usual Gang of Idiots: Let’s make fun of: modern mores, the movies, Adverts, commerce, and Cold War spy agencies! Add marginal scribblings And cynical fold-in[g]s And another generation goes to the “juvies”. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/66 "2003-03-25T22:48:17Z")
Lincoln’s **Gettysburgh Address** [spoiler]Years ago (make it fourscore and twenty) Our forefathers found freedom plenty But now we are hounded: Can a country so founded For long hold on to its sov’reignty?\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/67 "2003-03-25T22:49:28Z")
Oops, hope that didn’t spoil it for anyone. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/68 "2003-03-25T22:58:09Z")
Fairy tales by the Brothers Grimm: Cruel and merciless German folk-tales are these, In which life is harsh and offers no ease. 'Though some modern critics object – Both fundie, and the PC set – But they’re not seeing the _Schwartzwald_ for the trees. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/69 "2003-03-25T23:00:41Z")
Your new friend is one of a kind. He’s a miracle worker, you’ll find. Does the fact he’s satanic Send you into a panic? Relax, it’s all in your mind. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/70 "2003-03-25T23:06:40Z")
**Synchronicity** by Carl Jung: [JUNG]: Life often affords certain contingencies And these are not mere coincidences, (_please!_); As I struggle to explain In logic circular again (and again!)… [READER]: “Jung, were you smoking doobies?” ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/71 "2003-03-25T23:09:16Z")
His sword from a stone he did take. Then, he tried burning his wife at the stake. A bastard named Modred Left Arthur for dead, So he went for a cruise on the lake. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/72 "2003-03-25T23:10:35Z")
Uh, what Skammer said. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/73 "2003-03-25T23:22:20Z")
**The Book of Jonah** “Go to Ninevah!” ordered the Lord Instead Jonah jumped overboard For three days he camped In quarters quite cramped Till the whale finally tossed him ashored. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/74 "2003-03-25T23:35:20Z")
**The TV Guide** _because I just might be running out of ideas!_ [spoiler]This pricey TV schedule, viewed by some a collectible, Is so un-compact and unwieldy, it’s risible. Stuffed with celebrity puff And other trite stuff, Copies multiply in hoarder’s attics like the _Trek_ tribble. ---
**Author:** ![lovelee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@lovelee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lovelee)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/75 "2003-03-26T00:08:37Z")
**A Modest Proposal** by Jonathan Swift For the problem of Ireland’s poor I am humbly suggesting a cure - Eaten flesh of a child Is both tender and mild With a delicate musculature. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/76 "2003-03-26T02:26:58Z")
“The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T.S. Eliot [http://www.cs.amherst.edu/~ccm/prufrock.html](http://www.cs.amherst.edu/~ccm/prufrock.html) In J. Alfred’s mind he is a poet But he does not dare ever to show it The mermaids are singing And his heart, it is brimming But his lady love never will know it and Eliot’s “The Hollow Men” [http://www.island-of-freedom.com/ELIOT6.HTM](http://www.island-of-freedom.com/ELIOT6.HTM) With stuffed headpieces, the hollow men hang, On the banks of the river, the wind mournfully sang They dare not meet the eyes, Not to Heaven they’ll rise, They go out with a whimper, sans bang. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/77 "2003-03-26T14:10:09Z")
You give me a pain the tummy, And bring me with tears to my knees. With unanswerable questions And obscene suggestions. Why is there no “Straight Dope for Dummies”? ---
**Author:** ![Short\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Short\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Short_Guy)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/78 "2003-03-26T14:38:31Z")
**The Rime of the Ancient Mariner** by Coleridge. An old man who sat on a gate told a tale of his terrible fate: with what he confessed he annoyed wedding guests in every country and state. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/79 "2003-03-26T15:37:34Z")
Scarlet O’Hara southern belle, Says fiddle-de-dee, war is hell. In spite of her bravery The nostalgia for slavery Makes you feel glad the South fell. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/80 "2003-03-26T15:44:05Z")
Arthur Dent was really annoyed The day that Earth was destroyed. But his alien friend Said, “It’s not the end.” Come meet the paranoid android. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812.md?page=5)