# Massacre your favourite literature with a limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 24, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812 "2003-03-24T17:20:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/101 "2003-03-27T04:39:35Z")
I don’t mind my one paltry limerick used, but I think the Chicago Reader now owns it, since I posted it here. Best check with a mod. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/102 "2003-03-27T10:43:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rib Eye \* > \*\*I’m not really seeing the point of the spoilers anymore. It’s a pain in the tuchus to highlight all these great posts! \*\* Hint: select-All on the page, and all spoiler boxes will be revealed simultaneously. ---
**Author:** ![Rib\_Eye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/53a042/32.png) [@Rib\_Eye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rib_Eye)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/103 "2003-03-27T18:21:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jjimm \* > \*\*Hint: select-All on the page, and all spoiler boxes will be revealed simultaneously. \*\* Thanks. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/104 "2003-03-27T19:03:10Z")
Bricker: I don’ t mind, so long as we get to take the quiz when it’s up. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/105 "2003-03-27T19:48:18Z")
**The Hunt for Red October** A new Russian sub has defected And it’s quiet - it can’t be detected So the captain renowned Will stage a meltdown So the Russians will think that he wrecked it. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/106 "2003-03-27T21:39:38Z")
**Dune** by Frank Herbert There once was a lad from Atreides, who was reared by psychic bald ladies. Yet blue-eyed women and men, known collectively as the Fremen, helped him send Harkonnens to Hades. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/107 "2003-03-27T23:18:57Z")
**The Bill of Rights** Amendment I Restrictive laws are rejected For the freedoms below are protected: Religion; Free Press; The right to congress; And to petiton the duly elected. Don’t you think it would have been more fun if the Founders had written in rhyming verse? ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/108 "2003-03-27T23:40:14Z")
**The Bill of Rights** Amendment II Since militias, when keeping to orders Are important for guarding our borders And raising alarms, The right to bear arms shall not be denied of supporters. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/109 "2003-03-27T23:48:12Z")
**The Bill of Rights** Amendment III No soldier, when in times of peace May quarter himself without lease In the house of a gent Without his consent Unless laws in war give release. I don’t have time to do the rest right now… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/110 "2003-03-28T01:03:17Z")
Well, I hope you do cover IV-X, **Skammer**. Hmmm, I wonder if I could do the Ten Commandments? It could be the guiltiest pleasure since The Decameron! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/111 "2003-03-28T01:25:06Z")
I know I’m going to go to Hell for this… :rolleyes: The Ten Commandments – by Jehovah, a.k.a. Yahweh, a.k.a. God, a.k.a. our Father who art in heaven, and etc. ad infinitum. I: Forget the later Trinity Three: Thou may worship no other god than me. The Divine is a singularity; My trademark, proprietary; I’m Jehovah, and I’ve just gotta be Me. II: And I add, slightly redundantly: You may bow before no other than me. No idols or pictures Of googly-eyed critters; For you lack my Divine artistry. III: And I state irrevocably: Only use my name reverently. No telling of “little ones” On a stack of Gideons, For I will accept no liability. ``` ...... ``` ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/112 "2003-03-28T01:36:52Z")
IV: Observe the Sabbath regularly. Work not; cook not; brew no tea. Generate no revenue, Even with bills overdue; Put your feet up and think only of me. V: Treat your parents honorably: It is your key to longevity! Be nice to them always; And cast them no rolleyes. And would it kill you to call them weekly? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/113 "2003-03-28T01:41:17Z")
VI: “You must not murder,” I decree. And no ifs, ands, or buts… Really! I will not elaborate Or tergiversate. With what Word of Mine would you not agree? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/114 "2003-03-28T01:47:29Z")
VII: You must not cheat on your hubby. For cheating is an affront… to Me. When you said “I do,” **I** heard you, too. Have you two tried couples’ therapy? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/115 "2003-03-28T02:11:14Z")
VIII: You must not steal – even for Me – I instruct, televangelistically. No six-fingered discounts Or secret Swiss bank accounts And I keep all ledgers to the penny. IX: You must not lie or use sophistry: No fudging or false guarantee. If you get out of a tight spot With so much as a cop-out, I will weigh your soul quite heavily. X: You must not live enviously: Neither sexually nor materially. When confronted with temptation, You should try meditation, And it might help to turn off the TV. ``` ****** ``` _I sure hope God has a sense of humor Or Styx’s vultures will be eating my liver!_ ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/116 "2003-03-28T03:16:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skammer \* > \*\*Bricker: I don’ t mind, so long as we get to take the quiz when it’s up. \*\* I wish I could oblige. But the game doesn’t work quite like that. You enter the game at level 0, and to advance to a higher level you must answer a trivia question; the questions get tougher as you ascend to higher levels. I can’t guarantee that a particular player gets a particular question, and the difficulty of a given question is based on how often it’s been answered correctly in the past. There are well over 15,000 questions in the game, and players may rise as high as level 512. Furthermore, as you accumulate levels, you gain powers. The game is also a message board, and players of sufficiently high level may delete messages posted by other players. They may also attack lower-level players, removing some of their levels. The alliance and political aspect of the game is, in fact, arguably of bigger interest than the trivia; a high-level player may also promote lower players, giving them levels without requiring them to answer questions. In the end, though, a strong ability to answer and research trivia is no small element of success in the Pyroto Mountain world. I apologize for the lengthy hijack, but I wanted to explain why I’d be stealing your work and there was a fair chance you’d never see it in use… 🙂 - Rick ---
**Author:** ![Hoops](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoops/32/6408_2.png) [@Hoops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoops)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/117 "2003-03-28T08:29:05Z")
**Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance** A fellow named Phaedrus had won the knowledge of Quality’s fun through cycling repair and rarefied air and being a dick to his son. Alas, most uncharitable. Honest, I love that book! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/118 "2003-03-28T10:27:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Scrivener \* > \*\*_I sure hope God has a sense of humor > Or Styx’s vultures will be eating my liver!_ \*\* Me too, given that I did the whole Bible. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/119 "2003-03-28T19:18:48Z")
**To Sail Beyond the Sunset** by Robert Heinlein There once was a system called the Howard Plan tat enabled a young Maurine to start a clan of kids and descendants and even ascendants when she went back in time to schtup her old man. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2003, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/120 "2003-03-29T00:59:27Z")
**The Last Temptation of Christ** If Israel’s the next place you go There’s one or two things you should know Our Saviour’s obsessive And manic-depressive And his new wife is kind of a ho’ **Lawrence of Arabia** To take Akhaba in a day Is not nearly as hard as they say All you need is a plan Some faith, and a man With an ego the size of L.A. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812.md?page=7)