# Massacre your favourite literature with a limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 24, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812 "2003-03-24T17:20:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/141 "2003-04-01T03:40:55Z")
**Spartacus** by Howard Fast Spartacus was a “tool that can speak,” Turned gladiator, turned rebel who’d wreak Ur-Marxist rebellion. Not bad, for a hellion Thracian and illiterate _koruu_\* Greek. \*third-generation slave ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/142 "2003-04-01T04:02:57Z")
**Slander by Ann Coulter** Hey, people come hear the good news With these new facts, there’s no way we’ll lose All the world’s evils and problems and devils Can be placed at the feet of the Je-…errr, I mean liberals ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/143 "2003-04-01T04:04:58Z")
I’m not sure if you got this fact, but I’ve learned the hard way that if I feel I might need to clarify, it probably means I should The above was a swipe at Coulter (whom I despise) and **no one** else. ---
**Author:** ![Daylate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@Daylate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daylate)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/144 "2003-04-01T04:35:02Z")
OK, I give up; how do you read “Spoilers”? They come across on my system as big black blobs. Neat and rectangular blobs, but very very black. Let’s see… There once was a blob from old Cecil, as dark as inside of a weasel, but try as I might, could not gen any light, so stayed ignorant of what was \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Please fill in last word. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/145 "2003-04-01T05:25:32Z")
Drag your cursor along and highlight 'em, Daylate. ---
**Author:** ![Chriso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@Chriso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chriso)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/146 "2003-04-01T10:44:13Z")
Remember the man called Spock He’s the boomers favourite dock. In the book he’ll describe your new baby’s vibe, not to mention that nursing moms rock. ---
**Author:** ![Chriso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@Chriso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chriso)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/147 "2003-04-01T10:46:15Z")
DOC, not dock. Consarnit. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/148 "2003-04-01T11:29:45Z")
“_Enterprise_ ready for space dock, Captain.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/149 "2003-04-01T13:10:07Z")
_The Illuminatus! Trilogy_ by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson The Justified Ancients of Muu-Muu Joined with Hagbard Celine and his crew. Enlisting Howard the dolphin They foiled the Eschaton’s immanentization. And had lots of gratuitous sex, too. _Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy_ by Douglas Adams The Earth blew up, what to do? Why not hitchhike the galaxy through? So what if the other species think you dumb? You’ve got your towel, gown, and thumb, And the encoded question for the answer of 42. _Green Eggs and Ham_ by Dr. Seuss Just look at this meal on this tray. About it I have one thing to say. So listen up Sam I Am. I’m disgusted by green eggs and ham. And I just will not eat them, no way! ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/150 "2003-04-01T13:29:02Z")
The limericks here are prolific, And some of this verse is terrific, But syllabic expansion Makes terrible scansion, And most of the rhymes are horrific. ---
**Author:** ![Hav1Joy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hav1Joy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hav1Joy)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/151 "2003-04-01T14:58:33Z")
_Bourne Identity_–Robert Ludlum Pulled from the sea off France. Borrowed some fancy pants. Don’t know my name; Seems I have fame. CIA wants to dance. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/152 "2003-04-01T18:13:13Z")
I haven’t laughed so hard in weeks reading these!! We should hold a judging. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/153 "2003-04-01T18:44:15Z")
**Anna Karena** She wants a warm man, not too flinty She wants honest love, not too squinty But Anna, rejoice You have met your best choice Yours truly, El Studmuffin, Linty! ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/154 "2003-04-01T18:51:13Z")
The World According to Garp by John Irving Garp was brought forth by an unusual conception But Nurse Jenny never felt need of deception. To her funeral he wore knockers, Roberta served as his blocker, And Michael Milton suffered the ultimate rejection. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/155 "2003-04-01T20:38:12Z")
**As I Lay Dying** by William Faulkner Some hicks: dirt-poor and plumb stupid. Hauling Ma’s corpse, which is going quite putrid. Faulkner’s poly- point of view Keeps the drear narrative askew… And overrated, so don’t be dup-ed! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/156 "2003-04-01T20:48:14Z")
**Postcards from the Edge** by Carrie Fisher ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/157 "2003-04-01T20:56:48Z")
Aargh. That was, of course, a Zen limerick. PFTE by Carrie Fisher: Meet “Suzanne” (or Carrie Fisher, _manque_); Bit actress, but hip (in an overwrought way). With wit fast and furious, She’s sarcastic and bilious, But manages to get through rehab okay. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/158 "2003-04-01T21:36:25Z")
The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum (who _doesn’t_ know this story by now?) There once was a girl who’s abode on top of a twister it rode. Then it did pitch on top of a witch. She follows the yellow brick road. Jurassic Park by Michael Chrichton There once was genetic interaction that produced some dinosaurs in action. Then it got wrecked by a pissed-off T-Rex. Now there’s no tourist attraction. ---
**Author:** ![Minor\_Irritant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Minor\_Irritant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minor_Irritant)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/159 "2003-04-02T01:03:53Z")
1984 To Winston, thoughtcrime wasn’t a bother; And Julia, he loved like no other. But when push came to shove In the Ministry of Love He simply replied, “Yay Big Brother!” Brave New World In 619 AF, Bernie Marx Didn’t like soma, or walks in the parks. Then he met a Savage Who was slightly above average And from Mustapha, he gets failing marks. ---
**Author:** ![smallfeet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@smallfeet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smallfeet)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812/160 "2003-04-02T02:27:39Z")
Atonement by Ian McEwan Briony stories loved to tell Till a whopper she managed to sell Robbie was jailed when she lied And later he died But she evaded that truth as well [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massacre-your-favourite-literature-with-a-limerick/163812.md?page=9)