# "Massage" Parlors **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2014, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518 "2014-06-24T08:07:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Meloy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58f4c7/32.png) [@Meloy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meloy)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/1 "2014-06-24T08:07:14Z")
Anyone have experience with them? I went to one last week. It was the first time I’d been to one and I wasn’t sure what to expect but was okay with whatever might happen, whether it be a straightforward massage or just a rubdown. It wound up being the latter, though I was surprised there was no negotiating. I just paid the standard (cheap) price with no tip and when it took longer than my masseuse expected, she fingered me to try to help it along. Then, when that didn’t work either, she sent in someone else. Is this common? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/2 "2014-06-24T08:09:56Z")
lol ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/3 "2014-06-24T08:20:44Z")
Lol… wut? ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/4 "2014-06-24T11:25:10Z")
First post is a doozy. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/5 "2014-06-24T11:33:01Z")
She turned you in to the police, you say? ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/6 "2014-06-24T11:48:15Z")
I was off on the join date by at least 4 months. I guess they’re getting lazy. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/7 "2014-06-24T12:16:39Z")
> [@Meloy](#): > > Then, when that didn’t work either, she sent in someone else. [Anyone else assume this is where things went?](http://boingboing.net/assets_mt/2009/10/14/loualbano.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/8 "2014-06-24T12:20:43Z")
Umm…what? Maybe its cultural but I have no idea of what you are asking. A rub-down sounds like a simple massage as opposed to full deep muscle manipulation. 20 mins for one and 40 mins for the other. Nothing sexual anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/9 "2014-06-24T13:29:25Z")
> [@Ken001](#): > > Umm…what? Maybe its cultural but I have no idea of what you are asking. A rub-down sounds like a simple massage as opposed to full deep muscle manipulation. 20 mins for one and 40 mins for the other. Nothing sexual anywhere. Perhaps I can translate, and the OP can correct me if I get anything wrong: > [@Meloy](#): > > I just paid the standard (cheap) price with no tip and when it took longer than my masseuse expected, she fingered me to try to help it along. Then, when that didn’t work either, she sent in someone else. Is this common? “It was taking longer than expected for me to reach orgasm from the masseuse stroking my penis, so she inserted a finger into my anus to help move it along. Since that did not work, she sent in a more skilled prostitute.” ---
**Author:** ![Noel\_Prosequi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b19c9b/32.png) [@Noel\_Prosequi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noel_Prosequi)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/10 "2014-06-24T13:44:36Z")
Massage parlours got closers now? ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/11 "2014-06-24T13:59:17Z")
> [@Noel\_Prosequi](#): > > Massage parlours got closers now? They would have performed a double switch, but this was obviously an American League massage parlor with the DH rule - Designated Handjobber. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/12 "2014-06-24T14:00:44Z")
They still have massage parlors in 2014? Don’t people get their prostitutes on the internet now? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/13 "2014-06-24T14:12:23Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > Perhaps I can translate, and the OP can correct me if I get anything wrong: > > “It was taking longer than expected for me to reach orgasm from the masseuse stroking my penis, so she inserted a finger into my anus to help move it along. Since that did not work, she sent in a more skilled prostitute.” Or one with bigger fingers, at least. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/14 "2014-06-24T14:20:27Z")
Doug Benson: “I went to this place that advertised ‘head to toe massage’, but lemme tell ya, that masseuse was a real dickskipper.” ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/15 "2014-06-24T14:34:50Z")
> [@Noel\_Prosequi](#): > > Massage parlours got closers now? “Bring in the lefty!” (while patting her left forearm) ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/16 "2014-06-24T14:41:06Z")
She was warming up in the pullpen. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/17 "2014-06-24T15:21:20Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Or one with bigger fingers, at least. Or one longer one. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/18 "2014-06-24T17:10:56Z")
> [@Noel\_Prosequi](#): > > Massage parlours got closers now? Damn right! ABC = Always Be Closing! Put that coffee down! Coffee is for closers only! You think I’m fucking with you?! ---
**Author:** ![Razncain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@Razncain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Razncain)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/19 "2014-06-24T17:19:44Z")
Aw man, so I take my dad to the doctor’s office, and waiting for the doctor to come in, and to kill time browsing through threads with my phone before I come across this little gem. Not just the OP, but the responses to it are just gold, I tell ya! All that is left is for **Musicat** to come along with a clever title, and send this thing up to the threadspotter on the homepage, if it isn’t already there. This is just too good not to share. I’m so thankful I was not eating or drinking while reading any of this, I swear I would have spit it all out from laughing so hard, or either chocked on it! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518/20 "2014-06-24T17:51:43Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > You think I’m fucking with you?! I’m not sure. Is that still your finger? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-parlors/691518.md?page=2)