# Massage therapist dad massages his kid:Benign? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 21, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577 "2010-09-21T20:51:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/41 "2010-09-22T14:21:38Z")
More troubling than the massage scenario is why some people in this thread can’t seem to allow other people to have differing opinions, and will even call them out by name because of it. Why all the hate on this board for people that don’t think exactly like you, for people with opinions in a forum titled “In my humble opinion”? No one should be made to feel ashamed or belittled for sharing what they think of something, after they’ve been invited to share what they think about something. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/42 "2010-09-22T14:23:43Z")
> [@Otara](#): > > It isnt a profession thats always known for great boundaries in the first place, particularly with male workers, so Id definitely be a bit worried. > > Otara WTF? The man is a _licensed healthcare professional_, not a “male worker” at a rub-'n-tug! The misconceptions I’m seeing in this thread are embarassing! My benefits package includes paramedical practices. That includes chiropractors, clinical psychologists, physiotherapists, _registered massage therapists_, speech therapists, nutritionists, and chiropodists. A registered massage therapists practice includes manual tissue manipulation, joint manipulation, and can include hydrotherapy and rehabilitative exercise. RMTs often work in medical clinics, hospitals, chiropractic clinics, and nursing homes. I go to the RMT in my sports medicine doctor’s clinic. I can assure, you there is no “sensual massage” practice in that environment and any “male workers” who has troulbe with “boundaries” would find himself in the unemployment line pretty fast. Depending where you live, they may be regulated by the Department of Health. Otherwise, there are different regulatory bodies. Certification requirements vary from state to state (or province to province), but there are minimum education requirements and ongoing professional development obligations to acquire and maintain certification. To submit a claim with my benefit provider, I have to include the RMT’s license number to prove that he/she is in fact certified. I can’t just go get a “body rub” or “sensual massage” and get reimbursed. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/43 "2010-09-22T14:33:13Z")
Missed the edit window: ETA: Locally, RMTs are regulated by the Colleges of Massage Therapists which is similar in mandate to the college for doctors and surgeons. The CMT operates in accordance to the legislated requirements of _Regulated Health Professions Act_ and the _Massage Therapy Act_. Training usually includes a college diploma, but many (like my old roommate) often have undergraduate degrees in applied sciences or health sciences. In my roommate’s case, he was an RMT while he was studying to go on to a related profession (can’t remember if it was chiropractor or physio). ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/44 "2010-09-22T14:40:57Z")
In my state, Illinois, Licensed Massaged Therapists are regulated by the Department of Professional Regulations, same as doctors, nurses, lawyers and anyone else who needs a license to practice. But that doesn’t mean that massage therapists, licensed or otherwise, are always following the rules. Especially off hours. In Illinois, for example, it’s illegal to give a massage in your home, even if you have a special room set aside for it. So on just that basis, as a professional, what’s he’s doing is illegal - but of course for a family member, no one’s going to register a complaint (nor do I think they should). Simply because someone is licensed doesn’t mean what he’s doing is ethical or legal, nor does it mean it isn’t. Licensure is a completely different topic. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/45 "2010-09-22T14:50:07Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > More troubling than the massage scenario is why some people in this thread can’t seem to allow other people to have differing opinions, and will even call them out by name because of it. Why all the hate on this board for people that don’t think exactly like you, for people with opinions in a forum titled “In my humble opinion”? No one should be made to feel ashamed or belittled for sharing what they think of something, after they’ve been invited to share what they think about something. Sorry about that, but when those opinions are hurtful and borne out of ignorance, it’s the nature of this board to call them out. ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/46 "2010-09-22T14:51:25Z")
My wife is a licensed massage therapist. She does not give nude, full body massages to our teenage son. The thought of this happening has never even crossed my mind, but it would weird me out as father/husband. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/47 "2010-09-22T15:07:00Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > > [@sachertorte](#): > > > > Dump the boyfriend. He’s a controlling jerk. > > Why is it whenever a guy points out behavior that a reasonable person might consider “suspect”, someone says he’s being a “controlling jerk”? FYI, he did not “point out” ‘suspect’ behavior. He threw a fit over something completely non-sexual and laid down an ultimatum on how she should interact with her own father. That is being a clueless, controlling jerk. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/48 "2010-09-22T15:07:39Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Simply because someone is licensed doesn’t mean what he’s doing is ethical or legal, nor does it mean it isn’t. Licensure is a completely different topic. Yes, but it really looks like a lot of people in this thread don’t know the difference between a “body rub” and the kind of treatment you receive from an RMT. And I don’t see how one licensed professional is any more likely to do something illegal than the next one. **Otara** made it sound like it is specifically a profession known for abuses, but I seem to read more about dentists getting arrested fondling patients, than RMTs getting arrested for inappropriate behavior. When you see posts referring to “naked, oiled thighs”, it doesn’t seem like they have any idea of what happens during a clinical massage. You’re covered head to toe except for the specific area being addressed at any one time. When working on my gluteal muscles and hamstrings, only half of my butt and my leg are exposed, the rest of me is totally covered up by a sheet and often a blanket too. ETA: The OP said she covered the way you are typically covered during a session, but everyone keeps saying “full-body, nude massages”. It’s not like there was nude teen lying on the table, she was covered up as much as any other patient. > [@](#): > > Especially off hours. In Illinois, for example, it’s illegal to give a massage in your home, even if you have a special room set aside for it. Out of curiosity, the legislation in your state then makes it impossible to live in the same building as where you work? Does that apply only to RMTs or to other healthcare professionals as well? I used to live in a town where a lot of offices downtown are in converted mansions. So the first floor would be office space, and the rest would be residential. There were a lot of doctors and dentists operating out of those clinics. The OP, also didn’t mention if the daughter was gong to the RMT’s clinic or if he had a table or office at home. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/49 "2010-09-22T15:13:09Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Out of curiosity, the legislation in your state then makes it impossible to live in the same building as where you work? Does that apply only to RMTs or to other healthcare professionals as well? Yes, for LMT’s. You might get away with it if you have a storefront below, with separate gendered changing rooms and showers (yes, these are also legal requirements, or were 5 years ago when I last read the Licensing Act), and an apartment above accessed by a different doorway from the outside. But a room in your home won’t cut it. As far as I know, this restriction is unique to LMT’s (Licensed Massage Therapists), and does not apply to other licenses. We’re kinda ticked off about that, actually. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/50 "2010-09-22T15:17:00Z")
> [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > My wife is a licensed massage therapist. She does not give nude, full body massages to our teenage son. The thought of this happening has never even crossed my mind, but it would weird me out as father/husband. Well the girl in the OP is not nude, she is naked under a sheet which as much nude as being naked under clothes is (as pointed out by another poster.) This reminds me of the “is it ok for daddy to kiss his daughter on the lips thread”. In fact when I read _that_ thread I was reminded of a friend of mine who told me that he gives his toddler daughter massages in bed. When he said that I thought it a little skeevy but said nothing, now having read the kissing thread I realise that people’s perceptions of what is normal family behaviour is largely influenced by their own family experience. Those who only got cheek or forehead kisses think lip kisses are going too far whereas those who grew up with lip kisses think they’re the most normal thing in the world. If _I_ got a massage from _my_ mother I would feel pretty weird, but that would be because _my_ mother doesn’t give me massages and so if she did it would be very odd and unsettling. It’s not surprising then that my initial reaction is that I’m uncomfortable with it, but this isn’t _me_ and it’s not _my_ mother and so the boundaries that existed in _my_ family don’t necessarily apply. I can’t look at this within the context of my own family because that is not a valid context to judge someone else’s family’s behaviour. With that in mind, I can’t get away from the fact that I find it a little creepy on a personal emotional level but intellectually I’m fine with it if the daughter is. The BF is a tool regardless, but I understand his feelings even though I don’t supporting how he’s expressing them.. ---
**Author:** ![Todderbob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@Todderbob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Todderbob)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/51 "2010-09-22T15:20:06Z")
> [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > My wife is a licensed massage therapist. She does not give nude, full body massages to our teenage son. The thought of this happening has never even crossed my mind, but it would weird me out as father/husband. Really? I wouldn’t let my mom massage me because I don’t trust her, but I cant see any reason I wouldn’t let her if I did. Massages that aren’t sexual in nature have just never seemed sexy to me, maybe because I iced to watch my dad get rubbed by this 600 pound gorilla when I was younger, but it didn’t seem sexy at all to me. And I’m 20, sex is about the only thing I think about. A massage is about as sexy as a cheek kiss, unless there’s something separate to sex it up. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/52 "2010-09-22T15:21:22Z")
I don’t see the problem. I hate how innocuous things are seen as creepy and sexual. I’m guilty of doing it myself sometimes but it makes me sad. Kissing your little kid on the lips apparently is seen by some as weird. It’s like we’re afraid to be close to each other because things could be interpreted wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/53 "2010-09-22T15:24:27Z")
Yeah, I’m wondering if the dad just massages everyone he knows; that’s different from just the daughter. I’ll add that I’m not a fan of physicians seeing their own family members, either, but again that’s just my opinion. I prefer more detachment between doctor and patient. I wouldn’t see my uncle who’s a neurologist unless he was the absolute best for a specialized case. And one thing from the OP - massage with oil? Really? Ew. And I don’t mean skeevy-ew, I mean yuck, that does not sound appealing. I’d be obsessing on what that was going to do to my skin. If the boyfriend has no actual reason to be worried, it’s quite likely that they are not a good couple together due to this disagreement. They obviously have different boundaries that seem incompatible. ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/54 "2010-09-22T15:25:56Z")
If naked under a sheet is the same as naked under clothes, why doesn’t the girl just wear clothes? I realize she’s not lying on a table fully exposed, but I don’t think it’s quite the same as wearing clothes, either. I actually wear shorts under the sheet when I get a full body massage. As for the father in the OP, I do not think it’s necessarily a sign of sexual abuse. If so, there should be other signs. The boyfriend has a right to be skeeved out by it, but he could express it a more mature way. Would it be acceptable for an adult male to give this kind of full body massage to a teenage girl who is not his daughter, such as a neighbor girl? Again, I would say that is weird. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/55 "2010-09-22T15:29:38Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > As far as I know, this restriction is unique to LMT’s (Licensed Massage Therapists), and does not apply to other licenses. We’re kinda ticked off about that, actually. 😉 Interesting. So a gynecologist could have patients with their feet in the stirrups in the back bedroom of his house/home office, but an RMT can’t set up one of those chairs full fully clothed patients. Here, they allow RMTs with portable tables to come to your home or office. > [@Barkis is Willin'](#): > > My wife is a licensed massage therapist. She does not give nude, full body massages to our teenage son. The thought of this happening has never even crossed my mind, but it would weird me out as father/husband. As per my original post, I don’t think I’m all that comfortable with family members performing any kind of medical or paramedical services on each other. It’s just doesn’t seem quite right. Like,as TV shows have led me to believe, surgeons aren’t supposed to operate on their immediate family members. If my mom was an RMT, I would expect that she would refer me to a colleague, rather than accept me as a patient. > [@Barkis is Willin'](#): > > If naked under a sheet is the same as naked under clothes, why doesn’t the girl just wear clothes? If your wife is an RMT, you already know the answer to this. This has also been addressed in other threads. It’s easier to work with muscle tissue when you don’t have fabric getting in the way. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/56 "2010-09-22T15:34:25Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > And one thing from the OP - massage with oil? Really? Ew. And I don’t mean skeevy-ew, I mean yuck, that does not sound appealing. I’d be obsessing on what that was going to do to my skin. Really? What’s oil going to do your skin? (Unless you have an allergic reaction.) It’s warming and it’s a lubricant, and so less abrasive. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/57 "2010-09-22T15:38:57Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > > [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > > > And one thing from the OP - massage with oil? Really? Ew. And I don’t mean skeevy-ew, I mean yuck, that does not sound appealing. I’d be obsessing on what that was going to do to my skin. > > Really? What’s oil going to do your skin? (Unless you have an allergic reaction.) > > It’s warming and it’s a lubricant, and so less abrasive. **Ferret** probably thinks you end up all greasy. They don’t use much and it gets rubbed into your hide, so I can usually just put my clothes right on without being the slightest gooey. A lot of RMTs use this kind of massage lotion too that is water-soluble and hypo-allergenic. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/58 "2010-09-22T15:40:38Z")
Oil’s pretty standard in massage, **Ferret Herder**. It provides a cheaper and a better lubricant than lotion, doesn’t separate out or go bad as quickly, it’s quicker to get out of the bottle and apply evenly, and it can be nearly odorless for clients with scent sensitivities. I use a 50/50 combo of jojoba and canola, which gives me enough glide without getting gunky, doesn’t tend to clog pores, and absorbs into the skin within the session so you’re not left feeling like an oil slick. If you ask nicely, I’ll scent it with some essential oils to order, too. 😉 …it’s a bitch to launder the oil out of sheets, though! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/59 "2010-09-22T15:50:29Z")
I still have pore-clogging issues well into middle age (hooray, heredity!), so I’m a tad careful about what I let near my skin. Not to mention that I just don’t seem “built” for massage; for instance, my husband apparently gives great hard shoulder rubs, from the raves he’s gotten, but I can’t handle them for long compared to other people. ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577/60 "2010-09-22T15:50:48Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > > [@Barkis is Willin'](#): > > > > If naked under a sheet is the same as naked under clothes, why doesn’t the girl just wear clothes? > > If your wife is an RMT, you already know the answer to this. This has also been addressed in other threads. It’s easier to work with muscle tissue when you don’t have fabric getting in the way. Yes, I did know the answer. I was pointing out my opinion that naked under a sheet is not quite the same as naked under clothes, which I know is not the same or naked under clothes under a sheet. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/massage-therapist-dad-massages-his-kid-benign/554577.md?page=4)