# Master chefs; How would you prepare human meat? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 7, 2011, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/master-chefs-how-would-you-prepare-human-meat/584599 "2011-06-07T05:08:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/master-chefs-how-would-you-prepare-human-meat/584599/41 "2011-06-10T08:06:50Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > This is at least third-hand hearsay, but I once read an account by a missionary who said that a cannibal once told him that the flesh of a young girl’s buttock was the best. [Serial child killer and cannibal Albert Fish](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_fish#Billy_Gaffney) agreed with that statement. In a letter to the mother of a victim, he said,“I came home with my meat. I had the front of his body I liked best. His monkey and pee wees and a nice little fat behind to roast in the oven and eat. I made a stew out of his ears – nose – pieces of his face and belly. I put onions, carrots, turnips, celery, salt and pepper. It was good. Then I split the cheeks of his behind open, cut off his monkey and pee wees and washed them first. I put strips of bacon on each cheek of his behind and put them in the oven. Then I picked 4 onions and when the meat had roasted about 1/4 hour, I poured about a pint of water over it for gravy and put in the onions. At frequent intervals I basted his behind with a wooden spoon. So the meat would be nice and juicy. In about 2 hours, it was nice and brown, cooked through. I never ate any roast turkey that tasted half as good as his sweet fat little behind did. I ate every bit of the meat in about four days. His little monkey was as sweet as a nut, but his pee-wees I could not chew. Threw them in the toilet.” Spoiler tags added, as it’s kinda graphic, and has the possibility to disgust people, as he talks about how he cooked and ate a victim. ---
**Author:** ![Imago](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/85e7bf/32.png) [@Imago](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imago)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/master-chefs-how-would-you-prepare-human-meat/584599/42 "2011-06-10T09:16:24Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Cannibal societies in the Pacific and South Asia tended to be pig eating societies, and they would cook human meet the same way. Of course, that usually just means throwing it on some coals and cooking until “done”. But I would say treat it like pork. Unless you’re Jewish or Muslim. There’s actually a part on some book by that Dawkins guy where he theorizes the reason “heaven hates pork” (his words) is its resemblance to human meat. As for me, I’d use as much of the person as possible- preparing any juicy cuts carefully, maybe making some dried preserves or even jerky of the already stringy/gamey bits, mincemeat pie from the organs, the whole shebang. I think I would try tossing some of the small, miscellaneous cuts into a stir-fry, as I prefer strips of thin-cut, fatty pork chops above any other meat for that. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/master-chefs-how-would-you-prepare-human-meat/584599/43 "2011-06-10T12:41:52Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > That’s not funny. > > Would an athlete taste a little gamey? > > Would a hooker taste tart? > > Would a sailor taste salty? And a CIA operative would probably taste spicy…:dubious: And, yes, clowns (and comedians) DO taste funny…😃 And back on the note of athletes, you _could_ ask Sugar Ray Leonard’s boxing coach…except he’s dead… I know, I know, that was really wrong… ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/master-chefs-how-would-you-prepare-human-meat/584599/44 "2011-06-10T13:03:46Z")
I’ve _heard_ it tastes like pork… ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/master-chefs-how-would-you-prepare-human-meat/584599/45 "2011-06-10T13:31:11Z")
Before I became a vegetarian, I preferred white meat. So obviously I would make [Caucasin Shisk Kabob](http://www.flickr.com/photos/angela_toidze/2617488965/). ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/master-chefs-how-would-you-prepare-human-meat/584599/46 "2011-06-10T17:54:07Z")
> [@ministryman](#): > > And a CIA operative would probably taste spicy…:dubious: Regarding the answer to this one, I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. And eat you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/master-chefs-how-would-you-prepare-human-meat/584599.md?page=2)