# Masturbate for peace. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2003, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353 "2003-03-31T03:13:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/21 "2003-03-31T19:24:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*War is out. Pound your Trout \*\* > > \*\*I’m going blind for mankind \*\* If I didn’t fear the Old Lady Brigade… > [@](#): > > \*\*Side with france, reach down your pants \*\* So, if you touch yourself, the French have won… ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/22 "2003-03-31T19:26:51Z")
Well crap, now I’m in a quandry. If I do masturbate, I support peace, but [I kill a kitten.](http://www.hosstyle.com/kittens.htm) Peace. Kitten. Peace. Kitten. Sorry kitty. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/23 "2003-03-31T19:27:50Z")
Oooooh, there is a place to submit your own creative bumpersticker. He he he ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/24 "2003-03-31T19:34:00Z")
\*\*Hamlet \*\* did you shoot the kitty’s eye out? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/25 "2003-03-31T21:27:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*No jury in the world would convict me. Not even Texas. \*\* I wouldn’t count on gettin off that easy in Texas pardner. Enjoy, Texan ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/26 "2003-03-31T22:03:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mtgman \* > \*\*I wouldn’t count on gettin off that easy in Texas pardner. > > Enjoy, > Texan \*\* Apparently SPPOFE doesn’t have much of a problem getting off anywhere… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Wrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Mr.Wrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Wrong)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/27 "2003-03-31T23:07:24Z")
War is Wicked! Choke Your Chicken! War is Evil! Slap your Weevil! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Wrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Mr.Wrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Wrong)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/28 "2003-03-31T23:12:00Z")
Hey, this has potential for other causes, too! Spank your Monkey, Not your Children! ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/29 "2003-03-31T23:25:54Z")
POUND THE PUD FOR PEACE SADDAM’S A MEANIE SO WALLOP YOUR WEENIE WHEN PEACE IS THE ANGLE DON’T LET YOUR DORK DANGLE ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/30 "2003-03-31T23:48:55Z")
Be a dove with self-love! ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/31 "2003-03-31T23:55:26Z")
This is ridiculous. Masturbating can in no way influence peace, it has no bearing on the societal injustices across the globe, or the depraved subjugation of freedom deserving individuals. I know this because based on my history of masturbation alone, we’d all be holding hands and singing kumbaya if it worked. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/32 "2003-04-01T01:05:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBill \* > \*\*…based on my history of masturbation alone, we’d all be holding hands and… \*\* No offence UncleBill, but given your, ahem, hands-on history…how about we forgo the handshake and just smile and nod from across the room? ``` "Stop letting Bush jerk us around, do it yourself!" ``` ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/33 "2003-04-01T01:07:04Z")
Kumbaya, maybe, but you can count me out of the hand-holding, there, chief. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/34 "2003-04-01T02:07:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBill \* > \*\*This is ridiculous. Masturbating can in no way influence peace, it has no bearing on the societal injustices across the globe, or the depraved subjugation of freedom deserving individuals. I know this because based on my history of masturbation alone, we’d all be holding hands and singing kumbaya if it worked. \*\* Weeelll… We might very well have reached that point but then you went and married one of the hottest of Doper wimmins and neglected your duty as peace keeper! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/35 "2003-04-01T02:20:54Z")
Woohoo! This is a win-win! I can, ah, take care of business in Airman’s absence AND work for peace! Robin, who is going upstairs to do her part for America ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/36 "2003-04-01T02:29:38Z")
I still keep my piece every so often… she’s not a MACHINE dammit! ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/37 "2003-04-01T02:49:41Z")
I was going to make a comment about **SPOOFE** ’s claim to jurical innocence in the whole “toothpaste incident”, but then **beagledave** ’s line caused me to fall out of my chair. That is by far the funniest thing I’ve read all week. Of course, it _is_ Monday. ---
**Author:** ![bozotexino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@bozotexino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bozotexino)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/38 "2003-04-01T02:51:41Z")
As Tiger Woods would say “Grip it and Rip it” ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/39 "2003-04-01T04:07:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mtgman \* > \*\*I wouldn’t count on gettin off that easy in Texas pardner. > > \*\* In New York it’s much harder to get off. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353/40 "2003-04-01T06:09:53Z")
_HARDER_, **Shirley Ujest**? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbate-for-peace/165353.md?page=3)