# masturbating=cheating? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [July 17, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021 "2003-07-17T00:49:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![G-RAY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@G-RAY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G-RAY)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/21 "2003-07-17T07:17:12Z")
Come on don’t put down the titty bars now. Beer and nekked women is hard to beat. (pardon the pun) ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/22 "2003-07-17T07:33:09Z")
Masturbation is natural male sexual behaviour. I’d like to hear the _logical_ argument from any female who thought it to be cheating. If they don’t want us to pleasure ourselves, then they can do something about it, by being ready and willing whenever we are. Not gonna happen. Men are chained by their sexual desires, which transcend reason and destroy the emerging intellect of the ubermensch. One escape or another will be attempted, be it sex with a chick or sex with ourselves. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/23 "2003-07-17T08:22:24Z")
There is a funny commercial i downloaded from the Internet. I believe it is a British. A couple in bed, sleeping, she is _very_ attractive. Alarm rings. She starts touching him under the sheets. he wakes up and says “no, no”. He then gets up and goes downstairs. After a few minutes she gets up and goes down the stairs quitely to see what he is doing. She sees him from behind, sitting in the living room sofa, apparently jerking off. She cries “Derek!!” and turns around disgusted to go back upstairs. The camera angle changes and we see him from the front as she turns around. He is pumping up a soccer ball and, totally confused asks “What?”. ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/24 "2003-07-17T10:15:13Z")
Remember that many women (and men) are brought up thinking masturbation is dirty, or at least undesirable. But it’s certainly not cheating! However, some people may be uncomfortable with their partners masturbating while they’re trying to sleep, so perhaps in these cases you need to be sublte about it. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/25 "2003-07-17T12:51:09Z")
Does it depends on what you’re thinking about at the time…? I think this is one thing that couples have to decide themselves. Have you tried the archives? I think this may have come before a lot? ---
**Author:** ![Gulo\_gulo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bcef8e/32.png) [@Gulo\_gulo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gulo_gulo)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/26 "2003-07-17T18:03:56Z")
As a female: I don’t care if my bf masturbates. His sex drive surpasses mine and I’d rather he ‘take care of things’ rather then be pouty when I’m not in the mood to do anything. Now if he preferred masturbating to sex with me, well, then I’d be riled. 😃 Does she not masturbate? Or _claim_ that she doesn’t? 😉 You said you’d like to catch her in the act. If you ever do, I’d recommend NOT making a big deal over it. If she has masturbation hang ups, this would just make everything worse. Perhaps that’s when you can suggest a mutual session? ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/27 "2003-07-17T20:30:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gulo gulo \* > **I don’t care if my bf masturbates. His sex drive surpasses mine and I’d rather he ‘take care of things’ rather then be pouty when I’m not in the mood to do anything.** I say if the man is horny and the woman is not, it’s his right – nay, his _duty_ – to twang his own banjo. ('Though if they’re in bed together and she’s up for it, she could always let him rub off on her or something. So long as he’s considerate enough to wipe her off afterward.) ---
**Author:** ![badmana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@badmana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badmana)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/28 "2003-07-17T21:02:35Z")
Heh, my GF doesn’t see anything wrong with me “doing” myself. Her attitute is similar to **Gulo gulo** ’s. She’d rather I take care of my hormones than have to “fight me off” everytime I’m in the mood 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tsubaki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@Tsubaki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tsubaki)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/29 "2003-07-17T22:43:49Z")
As others have mentioned, it may be seen as cheating if you are masturbating rather than having sex. If you want sex, but your wife doesn’t, then there’s nothing wrong with it. But if you start masturbating without even trying to find out if she’s in the mood, then I can see why people would think of it as cheating. I know I’d be pretty pissed off at my husband if I found out he was regularly masturbating on the sly. ---
**Author:** ![rolandgunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@rolandgunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rolandgunslinger)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/30 "2003-07-17T22:51:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gulo gulo \* > \*\*As a female: > > I don’t care if my bf masturbates. His sex drive surpasses mine and I’d rather he ‘take care of things’ rather then be pouty when I’m not in the mood to do anything. > > Now if he preferred masturbating to sex with me, well, then I’d be riled. 😃 > > Does she not masturbate? Or _claim_ that she doesn’t? 😉 > > You said you’d like to catch her in the act. If you ever do, I’d recommend NOT making a big deal over it. If she has masturbation hang ups, this would just make everything worse. Perhaps that’s when you can suggest a mutual session? \*\* Make a big deal over it!?..no way…WhOOO WEEE BABY! ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/31 "2003-07-18T00:24:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sailor \* > \*\*There is a funny commercial i downloaded from the Internet. I believe it is a British. A couple in bed, sleeping, she is _very_ attractive. Alarm rings. She starts touching him under the sheets. he wakes up and says “no, no”. He then gets up and goes downstairs. After a few minutes she gets up and goes down the stairs quitely to see what he is doing. She sees him from behind, sitting in the living room sofa, apparently jerking off. She cries “Derek!!” and turns around disgusted to go back upstairs. The camera angle changes and we see him from the front as she turns around. He is pumping up a soccer ball and, totally confused asks “What?”. \*\* I built a CD stand once, and I hand-sanded the rungs with 600 grit sand paper. I did this while sitting on the floor in front of the TV. It took a week of sanding. Might be why my elder neighbors moved. Not sure. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/32 "2003-07-18T00:31:18Z")
When I went to the link about masturbation and prostate cancer, all the ads were of Albert Einstein with his tongue all the way out. Just sayin’… ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/33 "2003-07-18T02:05:22Z")
[Woody Allen] I don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love. [/Woody Allen] ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/34 "2003-07-21T20:16:11Z")
I know my boyfriend masturbates, and I don’t have a problem with it. It doesn’t affect our relationship so why should it? ---
**Author:** ![Debaser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3da27b/32.png) [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/35 "2003-07-21T21:28:02Z")
My g/f has no problem with masturbation. Maybe you should have at it one night while she watches. (And you watch her). If she sees that there isn’t much to fuss about she might be less afraid of you doing it when alone. Just wait for one of those times when you are in the mood and she isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/36 "2003-07-21T22:11:26Z")
Yanking the yam certainly does less damage to a relationship than ACTUALLY cheating. If a man is conditioned to never flog his dog, surely he’d be likelier to cheat? I mean, masturbating is a safe way for me to engage in my fantasies about being whipped by Muppets while the girl from “Escape from Witch Mountain” rubs mustard all over my… oh, jeez. INSIDE voice! INSIDE voice! ---
**Author:** ![SuperNova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SuperNova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuperNova)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/37 "2003-08-06T03:37:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tsubaki \* > \*\*As others have mentioned, it may be seen as cheating if you are masturbating rather than having sex. If you want sex, but your wife doesn’t, then there’s nothing wrong with it. But if you start masturbating without even trying to find out if she’s in the mood, then I can see why people would think of it as cheating. > > I know I’d be pretty pissed off at my husband if I found out he was regularly masturbating on the sly. \*\* I disagree that it even “may be seen as cheating.” If I were a woman, I know I would be really pissed off if I know a guy was masturbating in lieu of sex. And I think it would be a sure sign that there are problems in the relationship. But in my mind there is no way it can be seen as “cheating.” If you are alone, you are not cheating. It’s as simple as that. ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/38 "2003-08-06T07:54:54Z")
As far as I figure it, fidelity means that you aren’t having any sexual relations with somebody outside of the realtionship. Since oneself is part of the two person relationship in this instance, it is not cheating. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/39 "2003-08-06T13:38:44Z")
> [@](#): > > I know I would be really pissed off if I know a guy was masturbating in lieu … Same here. ---
**Author:** ![mammock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@mammock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mammock)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021/40 "2003-08-06T14:52:31Z")
Most think it means their man isn’t satified. If they knew all men, married or not, do it would they be happy or mad at all men? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbating-cheating/189021.md?page=3)