# Masturbation: choking the chicken? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 21, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640 "2003-02-21T21:41:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/1 "2003-02-21T21:41:30Z")
I was inspired by [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=164664&postid=3028298) to ask: what are the euphamisms you use for masturbation? e.g. - choking the chicken - strangling kojak - turning japanese? What are the funniest? ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/2 "2003-02-21T22:41:55Z")
turning japanese? I’m guessing by the question mark you don’t understand it either… anyone know what it’s alluding to? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/3 "2003-02-21T22:48:07Z")
Scoring the bullet - Coined after I made the startling revelation that a clit is about the same size as a .22 rifle slug. Rubbing one off - This is my standard battlecry, so to speak. Fapping - I’m really starting to dig this and may try to work it into my vocabulary. Petting the bean - An ex used this and I never spoke to him about masturbation again. _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/4 "2003-02-21T22:50:59Z")
Countdown to thread locking…five…four…three…two… …or perhaps I’m speaking out of place… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/5 "2003-02-21T23:00:44Z")
Spending time with my electronic boyfriend. On a tangent, **RexDart** has 1234 posts. Neat. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/6 "2003-02-21T23:02:24Z")
Turning Japanese: An offensive racial stereotype. The idea is that as a guy masturbates and approaches orgasm his eyes become “squinty” and he simulates buck teeth. Think 1940s Bugs Bunny cartoons that depict Japanese. ---
**Author:** ![Roadwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Roadwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadwalker)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/7 "2003-02-21T23:23:16Z")
Flogging the bishop bopping the baloney phoning the Tzar romancing the bone ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/8 "2003-02-21T23:49:57Z")
Jocelyn the elder. ---
**Author:** ![80sHairMetalMaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/8/ed655f/32.png) [@80sHairMetalMaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/80sHairMetalMaven)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/9 "2003-02-21T23:59:18Z")
ROTFLMAO\* Taking old one eye to the optomitrist(sp) Flogging the log Making mayonaise Priming the pump IDBB ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/10 "2003-02-22T00:21:41Z")
> [@](#): > > Making mayonaise 🙂 Not bad, especially coming from a girl! > [@](#): > > Turning Japanese: An offensive racial stereotype. The idea is that as a guy masturbates and approaches orgasm his eyes become “squinty” and he simulates buck teeth. Think 1940s Bugs Bunny cartoons that depict Japanese. Offensive? I didn’t think it was offensive. From what I have heard, it refers to the squinty eyes, not so much the buck teeth. ---
**Author:** ![merge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9f8e36/32.png) [@merge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merge)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/11 "2003-02-22T00:33:59Z")
no spanking the monkey yet? gotta go meet a stranger…(you sit on your hand till it is numb… close your eyes…get it?) ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/12 "2003-02-22T00:39:31Z")
Shaking hands with the unemployed Making a stop at the self-service pump ---
**Author:** ![Berkut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/13 "2003-02-22T01:00:04Z")
Saying Hi to my monster. ---
**Author:** ![schplebordnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@schplebordnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schplebordnik)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/14 "2003-02-22T01:07:01Z")
Clubbing the Marlin. Which devolved to “I’m going to Club Marlin tonight” whereby all the guys sniggered, and all the gals thought you were heading out for a hip dance club. ---
**Author:** ![Winsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Winsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winsling)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/15 "2003-02-22T01:12:02Z")
There’s a whole [song](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=164725) with them. Hal ---
**Author:** ![Harli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c0e974/32.png) [@Harli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harli)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/16 "2003-02-22T01:15:49Z")
Double Clicking Her Mouse Playing with the Little Man in the Boat ---
**Author:** ![CadburyAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@CadburyAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CadburyAngel)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/17 "2003-02-22T05:09:41Z")
“Checking the little box,” ala the sitcom “Coupling.” IDBB, why do you put little stars after your acronyms? Just curious. ---
**Author:** ![xcheopis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bc8723/32.png) [@xcheopis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xcheopis)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/18 "2003-02-22T05:13:20Z")
I managed to make [Strangling Tiberius](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=1704396#post1704396) the preferred term with certain people of my aquaintance. ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/19 "2003-02-22T05:14:05Z")
Packing up the circus Writing your own checks ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/20 "2003-02-22T07:07:11Z")
A few from a list of over 50 in the Beavis and Butthead Ensucklopedia: dishonorable discharge doing some rapid one-arm pull-ups fist-kebabing getting your palm red gunning the motor launching the hand shuttle measuring for condoms pud wrestling roughing up the suspect (my personal favorite) shaking the thermometer staff meeting tossing the javelin walking the log [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640.md?page=2)