# Masturbation: choking the chicken? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 21, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640 "2003-02-21T21:41:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/21 "2003-02-22T07:18:38Z")
Flogging the dolphin. Spanking the monkey. Rubbing one out. Having sex with myself. Milking the bull. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/22 "2003-02-22T07:54:02Z")
Having a typical evening ---
**Author:** ![Aslan\_of\_Narnia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Aslan\_of\_Narnia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aslan_of_Narnia)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/23 "2003-02-22T11:30:31Z")
Taming the bull ---
**Author:** ![pretend\_my\_name\_is\_witty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b9e5f3/32.png) [@pretend\_my\_name\_is\_witty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pretend_my_name_is_witty)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/24 "2003-02-22T18:17:51Z")
Manhandling the man-handle (in the bath) - Polishing the lighthouse (done subtly in public) - Pocket Billiards Cavorting with madame palm and her five lovely daughters Or from the pages of the profanisaurus: - _ **Crank** _ - A simultaneous crap and wank for a guy with a very busy lifestyle Plenty more, but can’t be bothered ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/25 "2003-02-22T19:26:08Z")
[This song seems strangely appropiate.](http://www.roysongs.com/lyrics/foremen/folkreprise/firing.htm) > [@](#): > > ROTFLMAO\* God damn! Are you tryig to say that every time someone posts ROTFLMAO, they’re actually… ---
**Author:** ![jack\_ss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c77e96/32.png) [@jack\_ss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jack_ss)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/26 "2003-03-22T23:49:55Z")
Shaking hands with The President Beating a dead horse greasing the shaft Pressure Release > [@](#): > > I managed to make Strangling Tiberius the preferred term with certain people of my aquaintance. I didn’t even make the connection when I posted that. ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/27 "2003-03-23T03:05:16Z")
Here’s a new one: Inspecting the MWD\* \*Massive Weapon of Destruction ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/28 "2003-03-23T03:19:50Z")
Working the one-eyed wonder worm Buffing the beef Launching the rocket ---
**Author:** ![typhoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ed8c4c/32.png) [@typhoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typhoon)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/29 "2003-03-23T03:22:27Z")
I think that anything of the form “verbing the noun” is either masturbating or smoking pot. _goes to beware the Jabberwock_ ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/30 "2003-03-23T03:23:58Z")
I don’t know about that. I wouldn’t want to “sandpaper the floor”. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/31 "2003-03-23T03:40:55Z")
Actually, the old canard that masturbation leads to mental problems comes from a misunderstanding of what it involves: After all, people who masturbate are coming unscrewed! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/32 "2003-03-23T03:42:38Z")
_groan_ ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/33 "2003-03-23T03:50:57Z")
> [@](#): > > _groan_ Stop that, Q.E.D., you’ll go blind! ---
**Author:** ![Willy\_ph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ea5d25/32.png) [@Willy\_ph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Willy_ph)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/34 "2003-03-23T05:20:25Z")
Pulling the goalie. ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/35 "2003-03-23T09:23:42Z")
Squeezing the tomato. Actually, I recall a song about “squeezing the tomato” from one of those “silly song” websites a couple of years ago. I’ll have to see if I can find it again and post a link. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/36 "2003-03-23T10:35:22Z")
Punishing Percy. ---
**Author:** ![Alias](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e4f/32.png) [@Alias](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alias)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/37 "2003-03-23T15:50:30Z")
Rubbing Rob Reiner ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/38 "2003-03-23T16:15:21Z")
Scholars of this subject might appreciate [Roger’s Profanisaurus](http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus/profanis.htm), which contains such beauties as: > [@](#): > > **five against one** _n._ A very one sided but none-the-less enjoyable game of wrestling in which _Madame Palm and her five sisters (qv)_ attempt to _strangle Kojak (qv)_. The game ends when you _make the bald man cry (qv)_. ---
**Author:** ![Splanky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@Splanky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Splanky)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/39 "2003-03-23T16:24:48Z")
Screwing the Screwdriver. ---
**Author:** ![Convict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Convict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Convict)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640/40 "2003-03-23T16:34:46Z")
Slammin’ the ham. Shaking hands with your best friend. Strokin’ the shillelagh. Drawing a map of Hawaii. Buffing the bishop. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-choking-the-chicken/156640.md?page=3)