# Masturbation = decapitation? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [July 17, 2002, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355 "2002-07-17T05:43:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![gitfiddle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/898d66/32.png) [@gitfiddle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gitfiddle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/1 "2002-07-17T05:43:09Z")
I got this e-mail today and I was wondering if anyone knew if all that stuff is true. I know Cecil wrote that pigs orgasms are not thirty minutes. If anyone can help, i would apprecitate it. If not, at least you’ll get a kick out it. > [@](#): > > Subject: Looking for improvement… ---
**Author:** ![gitfiddle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/898d66/32.png) [@gitfiddle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gitfiddle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/2 "2002-07-17T05:55:49Z")
Oops, sorry. The e-mail said: Subject: Looking for improvement… In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?) _~_~**~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??) _~_~**~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than “going blind!”) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~\* There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time… Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~\* In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~\* Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~\* In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.) _~_~_~_~ **~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~\*~** ~_~_ In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.” (Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~\*\*~_~_~~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~\* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~\* Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~\* The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hummm…I won’t touch THAT one!) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~\* The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of…? – did the govt. pay for this research??) _~_~_~\*\*~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I STILL want to be a pig …quality over quantity) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain. (I know some people like that.) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ Starfish don’t have brains. (I know some people like that too) _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ After reading all these, all I can say is… Damn those Pigs ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/3 "2002-07-17T06:22:18Z")
The Guam thing has to be garbage – I was there briefly when my husband was in the service and heard no such thing. It is a U.S. territory, after all, not some bizarre bassackwards nation. Some of the rest of it is believable, well, the animal parts, at least. I’d imagine that some Muslim doper might be able to answer the thing about undertakers. (What happened to the “Ask the Muslim Guy” guy?) ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/4 "2002-07-17T07:55:34Z")
[Unca Cece on pig orgasms](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_064b.html). > [@](#): > > Generally speaking, your nonhumanoid beasties, such as pigs, do not experience the Big O. We’re talking about the female of the species here, of course. The males generally manage to get off, which to my mind confirms the fundamental sexism of the animal world. And about humans and dolphins knockin’ boots (or fins) for pleasure: (from the same column) > [@](#): > > …scientifically speaking, animals _always_ do it for fun. The only critters who do it because they have to are Catholics. Take it from your Unca Cecil. Yeah, take it from your Unca Cecil. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/5 "2002-07-17T10:36:35Z")
As for the muscle thing, I could swear the heart was the strongest muscle. Following that, the jaw. Sorry, no cites. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/6 "2002-07-17T10:48:39Z")
For animals doing it for fun, depends on how you interpret that comment. Many animals do it because of a specific cycle that cues them when it’s time to reproduce, as opposed to doing it whenever it strikes their fancy. I think that is the distinction that is meant by “for fun”. However, it is wrong. Bonobos (pygmy chimps) have sex all the time purely for fun. I’m not sure about other apes. As for strong muscles, depends on what is meant by “the strongest”. The heart is constantly beating and never tiring, so it has great stamina, but a nurse friend of mine said the tongue is regarded as the strongest. I think that is on a strength density type argument - it is not the largest muscle, but for an equivalently sized one it can doe the most. ---
**Author:** ![Milton\_De\_La\_Warre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Milton\_De\_La\_Warre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milton_De_La_Warre)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/7 "2002-07-17T10:51:56Z")
It just goes to show that as Cecil once said, if you deleted all the crap from the Internet, the remaining contents would fit onto a floppy disk. As to the comdoms in MD, maybe in Baltimore (the nation’s syphilis capitol) where they need that kind of thing, but I never saw it elsewhere. The various Islamic stuff (items 1 through 4) sounds like pure BS to me. Especially item 3, as from what I know of Islamic funeral practices, they try their best to get a body in the ground within 24 hours, which would preclude the fairly uniquely American practice of (or “need” for) embalming. I believe they only wash the dead before sending them off. The Guamanian thing is definitely baloney. Although I know some Chamorran guys who would like to claim they have that job… ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/8 "2002-07-17T11:07:31Z")
_Banging your head against a wall for an hour burns 150 calories_ Perhaps. Walking quickly for an hour will burn about 300-400 calories, so burning while banging might be possible if done energetically. _Ant’s lifting 50 times their weight_ A quick google search gives figures of 10, 20, 50 (most common) and “hundreds”. 20-50 jives with what I remember from watching PBS documentaries about leaf-cutter ants. _Lions mating 50 times a day_ My book “Drunken Goldfish & Other Irrelevant Scientific Research” mentions a researcher who observed a pair of lions mating 24 times in one stretch (noting that all matings after the first were initiated by the female). 50 could be possible. Note that it wouldn’t be every day, just when the females are in heat. No mention of drunken ants, though. _Butterflies taste with their feet_ According to [this](http://library.thinkquest.org/27968/sense_organs.shtml?tqskip1=1&tqtime=0717) site, it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/9 "2002-07-17T11:11:42Z")
What if a Bahrain doctor is doing a pelvic exam of a female VAMPIRE? The mirror thing wouldn’t work! ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/10 "2002-07-17T13:40:48Z")
Well, according to [url=“[http://www.drjimboyd.com/migraine-hypothesis.html](http://www.drjimboyd.com/migraine-hypothesis.html)”]this scholarly looking web page [/quote] , the temporalis muscle (in the jaw) is considered to be the strongest in the human body. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/11 "2002-07-17T13:44:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pulykamell \* > \*\*Well, according to [this scholarly looking web page](http://www.drjimboyd.com/migraine-hypothesis.html), the temporalis muscle (in the jaw) is considered to be the strongest in the human body. \*\* Umm…yeah…coding… Oh, and further reasearch has [The Master’s staff speaking](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mmuscle.html) There is room for interpretation in this question, but it doesn’t seem the tongue is a likely contender. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/12 "2002-07-17T14:26:34Z")
> [@](#): > > not some bizarre bassackwards nation And, pray tell, what nation, in your estimation _is_ an example of a “bizarre bassackwards nation”? ---
**Author:** ![refusal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ac91a4/32.png) [@refusal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/refusal)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/13 "2002-07-17T14:53:39Z")
“An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain.” Ostrich eyes: [http://www.cvm.umn.edu/academics/course\_web/current/CVM6880/Word/AVANAT.htm](http://www.cvm.umn.edu/academics/course_web/current/CVM6880/Word/AVANAT.htm) gives an axial length of around 50 mm (2 inches). Ostrich brains: I can’t find a measurement, just lots of references to “size of a walnut”, e.g. [http://www.worldfarmers.org/report\_page3.htm](http://www.worldfarmers.org/report_page3.htm) But I think this may well be true. “Starfish don’t have brains.” Starfish and other echinoderms appear to have a more distributed nervous system, typically “five radial nerve cords emanating from a circular nerve ring” [http://evodevo.uoregon.edu/people/Sly.html](http://evodevo.uoregon.edu/people/Sly.html) so there is no central brain. Also true. I’ve just been through Google checking the “Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores” claim. There are a vast number of pages, but all of them repeat this rumor in exactly the same form. Since I’ve found nothing with any sort of evidence (least of all to the specific law) or any reference on reputable webpages (local tourism, British newspapers, etc.) I would have to guess this one is a myth. But on the other hand it seems too bizarre to be an invention. "In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. " Without having searched, this looks like it might be a precedent from an individual court case rather than actual legislation (commonly if you get a weapon, that counts as premeditation). But it’s open to further research. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/14 "2002-07-17T15:15:30Z")
The brick and piece of wood are exaggerations. However, considering some of the similarities between Jewish and Islamic funerary laws (no embalming, get the body into the ground as fast as possible, etc) it is likely that the corpse is never left uncovered. The deceased are to be treated with respect and those who prepare the body for burial must maintain the dignity and modesty of the dead. Re- Maryland And Condom Machines I lived in Virginia until I was 16. It’s the east end of the Bible Belt. A law allowing condom machines only in bars, could very well be passed as an attempt to keep kids from getting condoms. Considering that Virginia and Maryland are neighboring states, I’ll say that this item is likely true. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/15 "2002-07-17T15:29:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tlw \* > \*\*The Guam thing has to be garbage – I was there briefly when my husband was in the service and heard no such thing. It is a U.S. territory, after all, not some bizarre bassackwards nation. > > \*\* An interesting way to view the world. I suppose that makes the U.K., Canada, France, Germany, and most of the world as “bizarre backassed nations” ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/16 "2002-07-17T15:41:05Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by gitfiddle_ > In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s lover, on > the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. > (Ah! Justice!) That could be true in another universe. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/17 "2002-07-17T15:44:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by acsenray \* > \*\* > > And, pray tell, what nation, in your estimation _is_ an example of a “bizarre bassackwards nation”? \*\* Lessee, Guam… 99% literacy average life expectancy around 75 years. Median household income of $43,800 (in 1994) Avg hourly earnings in the public sector $8.95 (1994) Avg hourly earnings in government $16.06 (1994) A Planet Hollywood Yep…sounds backward to me. :rolleyes: Site: CIA Worldfactbook and [here](http://ns.gov.gu/indicators.html) ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/18 "2002-07-17T15:47:54Z")
Of course, I meant “cite” not “site” although the cite leads to a site. Right? Oh, and just to add 2 cents, an example of back asswards nations? I dunno, for me Albania comes to mind. Turkmenistan is pretty “retro” too. But I’m only speaking from experience. I’m sure Algeria’s pretty nostalgic, as well. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/19 "2002-07-17T16:02:00Z")
Oh Cool!!! I found the answer to the Guam question. (This one took Googline and Archive.org-ing no less!) [Here it is.](http://web.archive.org/web/20020717024411/http://members.aol.com/magastodu/c_issues/ntl_news/01012002.htm) The people of Guam were none too happy with this bit of misinformation, as it appeared in both Marie Claire and American Health and Fitness. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355/20 "2002-07-17T16:06:50Z")
Crap again. Don’t mean to have four posts in a row, but I just realized that the [archive.org](http://archive.org) step was a bit…um…superflous. The regular link works as well. It’s just that the first time I clicked on it, it timed out or something. I’ll be out of your way now. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-decapitation/119355.md?page=2)