# Masturbation etiquette **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 12, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040 "2012-07-12T19:04:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/1 "2012-07-12T19:04:36Z")
I’ve never been in a living situation where I didnt have enough privacy to take care of myself when the urge arises, but sometimes i’ll hear embarassing stories about someone who walked in on someone/witnessed them masturbating. This is usually in the context of college dorms/military where you have people sleeping in the same shared space. Is there some kind of…etiquette to handling (heh) these situations in a way that is considerate to other people? Like code words, sock on the doorknob, stuff like that? I hear a lot of funny anecdotes of people having to put up with bunkmates who are rather unashamed and inconsiderate masturbators. It almost seems like an all or nothing type deal- either you just do without and eliminate the risk of discovery/grossing people out, or you dont care. All the anecdotes I hear involve guys (who carry the stereotype of being perpetually horny) but I never hear of this issue with women in similar envronments. Are women just more discreet/considerate about this kind of thing? ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/2 "2012-07-12T19:06:57Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > All the anecdotes I hear involve guys (who carry the stereotype of being perpetually horny) but I never hear of this issue with women in similar envronments. Are women just more discreet/considerate about this kind of thing? From the movies I’ve seen, the women assist each other. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/3 "2012-07-12T19:10:03Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > From the movies I’ve seen, the women assist each other. Sure, until the pizza guy arrives. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/4 "2012-07-12T19:12:10Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > From the movies I’ve seen, the women assist each other. Generally just after they get done having a pillow fight and comparing breasts. ---
**Author:** ![phreesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@phreesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phreesh)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/5 "2012-07-12T19:19:07Z")
My experience with this sort of thing has always been, “Take it to the bathroom” ---
**Author:** ![awldune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@awldune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/awldune)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/6 "2012-07-12T19:20:49Z")
In college I knew my roommate’s schedule well and would take care of business while he was out. We walked in on each other a couple of times and would always just close the door again and come back in a few minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/7 "2012-07-12T19:32:09Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > From the movies I’ve seen, the women assist each other. Pinky out? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/8 "2012-07-12T19:38:29Z")
I never had to share a room, but I’ve read stories (I think it was at Hyperbole and a Half) of women who just don’t care. I think we mostly handle it like guys do - either do it in the shower or when the roommates aren’t around / are asleep. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/9 "2012-07-12T20:12:38Z")
The person entering from the left gets to climax first. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/10 "2012-07-12T20:17:59Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > From the movies I’ve seen, the women assist each other. I saw those documentaries too. ---
**Author:** ![greenslime1951](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e9bcb4/32.png) [@greenslime1951](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greenslime1951)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/11 "2012-07-12T20:23:22Z")
If you walk in on someone in the process of self-discovery, just say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you two” and leave. This will simultaneously a) reduce that person’s embarrassment by implying that you didn’t really get a good look and b) reduce that’s person’s embarrassment at not having had a sex partner. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/12 "2012-07-12T20:33:58Z")
[My take on it.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15027775&postcount=12)\* \*Actually from some comic’s routine, but I don’t know who it was. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/13 "2012-07-12T20:49:10Z")
> [@Silver\_Tyger](#): > > I never had to share a room, but I’ve read stories (I think it was at Hyperbole and a Half) of women who just don’t care. > > I think we mostly handle it like guys do - either do it in the shower or when the roommates aren’t around / are asleep. You have caused me to search through _Hyperbole and a Half_ for anything about masturbation, and women roommates who don’t care, and all it turned up was a blog post that mentioned the scary \*guy \*in the room below her masturbating loudly. Please help me find what you’re talking about, and/or create your own blog with one to many posts on the subject. TIA ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/14 "2012-07-12T21:02:01Z")
What you want to do is yell “[Housekeeping](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jivgRCHgBI)!” nine or maybe fourteen times, really loudly. _WARNING: NSFW video_ ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/15 "2012-07-12T21:02:37Z")
Wash your hands afterward. I don’t care if I catch you engaged in the act, just clean up after. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/16 "2012-07-12T21:21:34Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Wash your hands afterward. I don’t care if I catch you engaged in the act, just clean up after. That’s why I keep a wet/dry vac next to my bed. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/17 "2012-07-12T21:55:47Z")
> [@bup](#): > > You have caused me to search through _Hyperbole and a Half_ for anything about masturbation, and women roommates who don’t care, and all it turned up was a blog post that mentioned the scary \*guy \*in the room below her masturbating loudly. > > Please help me find what you’re talking about, and/or create your own blog with one to many posts on the subject. > > TIA I thought she had a series of posts about scary roommates and one was in college who insisted on leaving a very large vibrator just randomly places. I can’t find it. ETA: It looks like she took it down or something. There’s an archived version here: [http://www.nastyprisms.com/temp/cache/hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2009/11/roommates-part-3.html](http://www.nastyprisms.com/temp/cache/hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2009/11/roommates-part-3.html) ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/18 "2012-07-12T22:18:14Z")
I walked in on my hubby once. :eek: Apologize profusely while running out. Never bother him when “napping” again. (In my defense, I needed to get something out of the room and figured he would never notice me tip-toeing in!) I felt AWFUL for days. I have no problem with him doing so, the girls in those magazines do things that I won’t, and they are generally much hotter than I am. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/19 "2012-07-12T22:24:15Z")
Etiquette? I always make a point to call the next day and say what a nice time I had. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/20 "2012-07-12T22:30:34Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Etiquette? I always make a point to call the next day and say what a nice time I had. Wouldn’t a handwritten note be better? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040.md?page=2)