# Masturbation etiquette **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 12, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040 "2012-07-12T19:04:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/21 "2012-07-12T22:47:00Z")
> [@greenslime1951](#): > > If you walk in on someone in the process of self-discovery, just say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you two” and leave. This will simultaneously a) reduce that person’s embarrassment by implying that you didn’t really get a good look and b) reduce that’s person’s embarrassment at not having had a sex partner. No, you just get out. Last thing I would want is to lengthen the experience. Once, in college, I forgot to lock the door. The guy from across the hall just barged in without knocking. I obviously was fumbling with my pants and computer, so he came over to see what porn I was watching. “Dude, get the fuck out!” ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/22 "2012-07-13T00:06:17Z")
Don’t people know well enough to lock the door? ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/23 "2012-07-13T00:08:12Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > Don’t people know well enough to lock the door? Once or twice in human history someone forgot. It’s been 200,000 years, dude! ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/24 "2012-07-13T00:23:47Z")
Walked into my house one evening with a friend and found my half naked housemate asleep on the couch with his hand on his manly parts and his robe agape. Not much I could do at that point, as my friend was right behind me, except flip his robe closed and carry on into the kitchen. I was a bit shocked, but no one was overly traumatized by the event. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/25 "2012-07-13T01:07:52Z")
> [@otternell](#): > > I walked in on my hubby once. :eek: > > Apologize profusely while running out. Never bother him when “napping” again. (In my defense, I needed to get something out of the room and figured he would never notice me tip-toeing in!) > > I felt AWFUL for days. I have no problem with him doing so, the girls in those magazines do things that I won’t, and they are generally much hotter than I am. You sound like a very normal, well-adjusted person: much more-so than my wife who is completely irrational about this subject. “Why on Earth would you masturbate when you have me???” Gah. End of hijack. ---
**Author:** ![greenslime1951](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e9bcb4/32.png) [@greenslime1951](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greenslime1951)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/26 "2012-07-13T01:35:09Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Once or twice in human history someone forgot. It’s been 200,000 years, dude! We had lockable doors back then? OK, maybe movable rocks. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/27 "2012-07-13T01:48:21Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > The person entering from the left gets to climax first. I thought it was the person entering from the rear… ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/28 "2012-07-13T02:29:43Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > You sound like a very normal, well-adjusted person: much more-so than my wife who is completely irrational about this subject. “Why on Earth would you masturbate when you have me???” Gah. End of hijack. Because it fucking feels good, and I don’t have to answer any stupid fucking selfish questions when I’m done! Jesus, that kind of thing makes me irrationally ragey. ---
**Author:** ![deryk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@deryk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deryk)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/29 "2012-07-13T02:36:33Z")
Another vote for “in the bathroom with the door locked,” though personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal. Just about everyone does it, so I’ve never really understood the shame or embarrassment that comes from getting caught. Just don’t do it while I’m in the room (even if you think I’m asleep!). > [@Leaffan](#): > > You sound like a very normal, well-adjusted person: much more-so than my wife who is completely irrational about this subject. “Why on Earth would you masturbate when you have me???” Gah. End of hijack. That’s only an acceptable rationale if she’s willing to “lend a hand” every single time you’re interested. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/30 "2012-07-13T02:59:44Z")
Possibly one of the coolest women I knew in college (if not the funniest) showed me that female etiquette was to “take it out of the room”. We’d gone back the her room to get a lab notebook for study group. She opened the door first & saw her roommate asleep on the upper bunk buried in quilt. The room had that sex smell. She grabbed the notebook quickly, scooted to the doorway where I was standing and said loudly, _ **I’m spoiler boxing this for language, even though this is a masturbation thread. Chase the kiddies out of the room & plug those virgin ears or don’t open the box** _ “Goddammit, Mindy! This. Room. Smells. Like. C-nt!” She then slammed a can of Lysol on the dresser hard & yanked the dorm-room door shut. ftr- Coolest study group ever. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/31 "2012-07-13T03:14:36Z")
Sock on the doorknob? Doesn’t that make a mess? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/32 "2012-07-13T03:15:06Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > “Goddammit, Mindy! This. Room. Smells. Like. C-nt!” She then slammed a can of Lysol on the dresser hard & yanked the dorm-room door shut. > > ftr- Coolest study group ever. 🆒 We should bottle that. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/33 "2012-07-13T03:34:02Z")
When I was a teenager, my boyfriend and I were visiting with my grandparents for a few days and one afternoon when they were napping my boyfriend wanted to have sex because he figured we wouldn’t get caught. I thought this was a very bad idea. He bugged me a bit but I just thought that doing it at my grandparents was icky. So he decided that he, too, needed a nap and headed up to his room. I of course knew exactly what he was doing up there so I waited a few minutes and started quietly sneaking up the stairs and down the hall. I went silently right up to the door then burst in and shouted “AH HA!!” and there he was, standing naked by the bed, wiping up with a sock. He turned with a look of shock and horror and flew into the bed and under the covers. I laughed and laughed and I’m laughing still as I type this and that was over 20 years ago. Sorry Stuart! ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/34 "2012-07-13T04:24:32Z")
> [@Silver\_Tyger](#): > > I never had to share a room, but I’ve read stories (I think it was at Hyperbole and a Half) of women who just don’t care. > > I think we mostly handle it like guys do - either do it in the shower or when the roommates aren’t around / are asleep. It’s also polite to pretend you’re still asleep if you wake up while your roommate is masturbating in his bed. > [@suranyi](#): > > Don’t people know well enough to lock the door? If it’s a college dorm then your roommate would have keys to the door. Also for some reason both the suite doors and the bedroom doors in my freshmen form locked automatically. Not to hijack, but this once led to me accidently trapping my roommate naked in our bathroom for 3 hours. I came back to the room to get something, didn’t realize it was him in the shower, and he forgot to take his key in with him. :smack: Since he also forgot a towel he was trapped in the bathroom until one of our suitemates came back from class. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/35 "2012-07-13T05:07:11Z")
Assuming you mean another guy I’d treat it like walking in on someone on the toilet or the shower, just a whoops turn and leave. I don’t know why anyone would make it a bigger deal than that unless it got really obnoxious. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/36 "2012-07-13T06:16:22Z")
Empty nester here with two boomarang (it’s the economy) kids. Needed to interact with one and met with a closed door, so I knocked and said Are you masturbating, or can I come in? ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/37 "2012-07-13T06:22:03Z")
> [@ducati](#): > > What you want to do is yell “[Housekeeping](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jivgRCHgBI)!” nine or maybe fourteen times, really loudly. Try to include a warning if you post a video that is not safe for work, as we have dopers who sometimes log on from there and read the boards. I have edited your post with the warning. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/38 "2012-07-13T06:22:08Z")
It’s easier to be discreet without a penis. When I lived in shared dorm rooms for a few years in college, I was never compelled to do it during the day or while watching porn. I would just wait til my roommate had been asleep for at least a half hour and discreetly do it under my blanket. No biggie. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/39 "2012-07-13T07:36:18Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > You sound like a very normal, well-adjusted person: much more-so than my wife who is completely irrational about this subject. “Why on Earth would you masturbate when you have me???” Gah. End of hijack. Number of reasons ranging from different levels of sex drive, inavailability due to working different shifts and not really being awake at the same time, spur of the moment attack of horny and the other person not being available for any number of reasons. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040/40 "2012-07-13T18:53:03Z")
> [@Silver\_Tyger](#): > > I thought she had a series of posts about scary roommates and one was in college who insisted on leaving a very large vibrator just randomly places. > > ETA: It looks like she took it down or something. There’s an archived version here: [http://www.nastyprisms.com/temp/cache/hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2009/11/roommates-part-3.html](http://www.nastyprisms.com/temp/cache/hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2009/11/roommates-part-3.html) Thank you. That was totally worth it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-etiquette/628040.md?page=3)