# Masturbation fantasies vs. real life desires **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 28, 2006, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-fantasies-vs-real-life-desires/366454 "2006-07-28T20:34:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-fantasies-vs-real-life-desires/366454/61 "2006-08-01T08:56:11Z")
Thanks for pointing that out Darth Vader’s Little Pal. People fantasize differently. For example, a common form of fantasy, especially for men, seems to be to imagine themselves having sex with someone that they are attracted to. I do not fantasize this way, but many other people do. I deliberately thought about it once, because I had heard so many other people talk about it, and obviously didn’t think much of it because I have never had the urge to try it again. The person who I fantasized about had already had sexual relations with me - I just imagined them taking it further. The idea of fantasizing about an actual person, even an actor or someone I don’t know, does not appeal to me as it seems very… intrusive. This is not to say that I think that people who have these fantasizes are intrusive, it is just not something that appeals to me. MelCthefirst, I bet your experience is atypical rather than typical. We learned that people in relationships tend to masturbate more than single people, so I would bet that fantasies increase as well (afaik, no studies have been done on this subject). I know that my most intense sexual fantasies were those that occured when I was in a long term, committed relationship and getting plenty. Now that my sexual needs aren’t being fullfilled like they used to, my fantasies are less highly developed and tend to be more focused. I think about my characters and senarios constantly. I have ADD, so I will often have a little play going on in my head while I am at work. When I get to very emotional scenes in the drama, I have to be careful to not let the emotions I feel deeply show on my face. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-fantasies-vs-real-life-desires/366454/62 "2006-08-01T09:16:27Z")
Ah-hah, I did some more research and I found [this study](http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2372/is_3_38/ai_82013897). > [@](#): > > Early theories (e.g., Freud, 1908/1962) proposed that sexual fantasy signifies some deficiency in individuals, be it sexual dissatisfaction, frustration, deprivation, immaturity, or inhibition. However, research evidence has clearly contradicted this view of sexual fantasy. Not only do the vast majority of individuals engage in sexual fantasy, but there also is mounting research evidence to suggest that having more frequent sexual fantasies is a sign of better sexual adjustment, in that it is associated with greater sexual experience and the absence of sexual problems among both men and women (Davidson, 1985; Knafo & Jaffe, 1984; Nutter & Condron, 1983, 1985). ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-fantasies-vs-real-life-desires/366454/63 "2006-08-01T16:51:02Z")
Put me in the “Fantasy - hot! In real life - ew, icky!” column. It’s definitely not possible for me to actually \*be \* a young, sheltered, Victorian-era virgin, and if I tried to act it out, I would feel like a total dork. Also, IRL I wouldn’t lose my virginity again for all the tea in China - it totally sucked, and was not really a hot or arousing interlude (it was consensual with a great guy, but nervousness and pain don’t really add to the sexiness - at least not in real life). I can’t explain it either. It seems some people are wired to be turned on only by desired (if impractical) sexual ideas, while others are turned on by pretty much the polar opposite of what they truly desire. Speaking of rape fantasies (I prefer to call them ravishment fantasies - it speaks more to the “Don’t! Stop! Don’t, Stop! Don’t stop!” arc), it certainly seems a popular idea, judging by all those trashy romance novels. They don’t call them “bodice-rippers” for nothing. ---
**Author:** ![MelCthefirst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@MelCthefirst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MelCthefirst)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-fantasies-vs-real-life-desires/366454/64 "2006-08-01T20:24:47Z")
I’m more than happy to be stood corrected. However, I think we need to have an idea of type of fantasy, frequency, age of person having fantasy and definition of ‘long term’ - perhaps related to satisfaction with sex life - before I’m fully convinced that people’s fantasies don’t wax and wane when correlated to the above demographics. (I am well aware of huge individual variation in fantasies - this I have never disputed) ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-fantasies-vs-real-life-desires/366454/65 "2006-08-03T09:16:07Z")
I have to say I don’t have any fantasies that I wouldn’t be prepared to act on, given the chance with a consenting adult, or preferably adults. 😉 The problem is actually finding people who are prepared to participate- and it’s not like any of my fantasies are especially “out there” (well, OK, maybe one or two… 😉 ) but… yeah. Let’s just say there’s a lot of stuff I have to accept I’ll probably never get to do. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-fantasies-vs-real-life-desires/366454/66 "2006-08-03T09:23:30Z")
Threeway with Olsen twins… while watching first-season reruns of _Full House_ on my 52" plasma TV. In fact, forget the Olsens and the reruns. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-fantasies-vs-real-life-desires/366454/67 "2006-08-03T09:37:42Z")
[QUOTE=Unauthorized Cinnamon] Put me in the “Fantasy - hot! In real life - ew, icky!” column. It’s definitely not possible for me to actually \*be \* a young, sheltered, Victorian-era virgin, and if I tried to act it out, I would feel like a total dork. Also, IRL I wouldn’t lose my virginity again for all the tea in China - it totally sucked, and was not really a hot or arousing interlude (it was consensual with a great guy, but nervousness and pain don’t really add to the sexiness - at least not in real life). I can’t explain it either. It seems some people are wired to be turned on only by desired (if impractical) sexual ideas, while others are turned on by pretty much the polar opposite of what they truly desire. Speaking of rape fantasies (I prefer to call them ravishment fantasies - it speaks more to the “Don’t! Stop! Don’t, Stop! Don’t stop!” arc), it certainly seems a popular idea, judging by all those trashy romance novels. They don’t call them “bodice-rippers” for nothing. [/QUOTE] Or: Oh, Sir Jasper, do not touch me! Oh, Sir Jasper, do not touch! Oh, Sir Jasper, do not! Oh, Sir Jasper, do! Oh, Sir Jasper!! Oh, Sir!!! OH!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-fantasies-vs-real-life-desires/366454/68 "2006-08-03T15:18:04Z")
I had to wait a while to see how this thread was going befor I would post. I’m a man and my sexual fantasy life has many things that I would never do in real life, nor would I want to do them in real life. Some violate the laws of man while others violate the laws of physics! And my fantasy life grew by leaps and bounds when I was involved in a relationship with someone who was open about her fantasies. We would talk or write them out to each other and they became more complex and detailed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-fantasies-vs-real-life-desires/366454.md?page=3)