# masturbation in space **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [November 28, 2003, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698 "2003-11-28T07:51:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![boofy\_bloke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@boofy\_bloke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boofy_bloke)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/41 "2003-11-30T05:26:21Z")
The astronauts did the filming for Imax’s 3d film about the space station - why put all that expertise to waste? Can you imagine the queues for giant-screen 3d space porn? ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/42 "2003-11-30T06:24:22Z")
Actually, several years ago, Stuttering John Melendez of the Howard Stern Show did an ambush interview of astronaut Jim Lovell, in which his first question was, “D-d-d-i-d you ever m-m-m-m-masturbate in space?” Lovell looked annoyed, then said, “Come on, ask a REAL question.” The annoyance was understandable… but did Lovell really think a guy who’d ask that first question had a secondary list of SERIOUS space-related questions to ask??? Naturally, Stuttering John’s substitute question was just as stupid and tasteless as the first, and that was the end of the interview. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/43 "2003-11-30T08:24:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Long Road \* > \*\*OK, first, Ron Jeremy would probably be over the weight limit. He is not exactly slim and slender. > > Now that you mention NASA having issues with this, I agree that NASA would not go for it. The Russians would be the ones to do this. They can send the two people up on a supply mission for the Space Station. The Russians can do it cheaper and > don’t seem to have a hang-up about non-cosmonauts taking a ride. > > As for the camera, it sure seems like there is always plenty of footage of the people from the shuttle. What would get better ratings, a bunch of braniacs floating around with their hair looking all crazy or two people gettin busy in zero G? Sadly, the movie title _Spaceballs_ is already taken but I am sure there are plenty of catchy titles just waiting to be thought up > > Hell, look at the money spent on the space station which is doing basically nothing right now. Imagine if they added a chamber for paying customers to have an orgy. The thing would pay for itself and turn a profit in no time. \*\* It cost Dennis Tito $20 million to go up on a Russian rocket, so for two people to go up at the same time on one would be $40 million. NASA being the Russian program’s gravy train at the moment, _could_ and probably _would_, block the Russians if they openly tried to send someone up to shoot a porno in space. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/44 "2003-11-30T08:35:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > \*\*It cost Dennis Tito $20 million to go up on a Russian rocket, so for two people to go up at the same time on one would be $40 million. NASA being the Russian program’s gravy train at the moment, _could_ and probably _would_, block the Russians if they openly tried to send someone up to shoot a porno in space. \*\* Did it cost the Russians $20 million to put him into space or was he charged $20 million? Does it cost the Russians $20 million for every person they put into orbit? The idea is for Russia to put them up and then bill people for to access the internet fee. Damnit, work with me here! We need to revitalize the space program and porn is just the thing to do it!! As for NASA blocking them, since NASA is dependent on the Russians to supply the space station, I’m sure the Russians could care less what NASA does not want them to do. NASA sure wasn’t able to stop Tito from going up. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/45 "2003-11-30T08:53:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*Could become a problem… > > [Space Seed](http://www.startrek.com/startrek/view/series/TOS/episode/68708.html) \*\* Puts a whole new spin on Shatner yelling “KHANNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!”, doesn’t it? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/46 "2003-11-30T08:55:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Long Road \* > \*\*Did it cost the Russians $20 million to put him into space or was he charged $20 million? Does it cost the Russians $20 million for every person they put into orbit? The idea is for Russia to put them up and then bill people for to access the internet fee. Damnit, work with me here! We need to revitalize the space program and porn is just the thing to do it!! > > As for NASA blocking them, since NASA is dependent on the Russians to supply the space station, I’m sure the Russians could care less what NASA does not want them to do. NASA sure wasn’t able to stop Tito from going up. \*\* [Cecil’s column on spaceflight that mentions Tito.](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a980807.html) Tito’s price (he used a travel agency, BTW) was $20 million. Anyone else wishing to book a flight is going to have to use the same travel agency, I’m sure. NASA is only temporarily dependant upon the Russians to resupply the space station, the shuttle is scheduled to go back up in September of next year. The sole reason NASA’s funding the Russian space program is to help keep the Russian scientists from heading off to places around the world to build long range rockets for folks we _don’t_ like (like North Korea). NASA being in tight budgetary constraints and having its very existance questioned in the wake of the _Columbia_ disaster **isn’t** going to allow the Russians to send up a couple of porn stars to shoot a movie if it means that some half-witted congressman from a highly religious part of the US is going to have more ammo to shut NASA down. Nevermind that the film _wouldn’t_ take place in NASA’s part of the ISS or that no US tax dollars would be involved in the making of the film, you can bet that Senator Blowhard, or Representative Yammerhead would be pounding the bully pulpit, screaming at the top of his lungs that NASA was using tax dollars to make a _dirty movie_ in space! :eek: (Of course, if some newly wed couple (😉 😉 ) announced _after_ they’d spent their honeymoon in space that they were going to recoup the costs of the trip by releasing the video they made of their wedding night, well, then, there’s not a whole hell of a lot NASA can do about it.) ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/47 "2003-11-30T09:19:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Long Road \* > \*\*Did it cost the Russians $20 million to put him into space or was he charged $20 million? Does it cost the Russians $20 million for every person they put into orbit? \*\* Good point…I’d imagine that at least _some_ of that $20 Mil. was profit. There’d be no sense in sending up paying customers at-cost. But remember, folks, Russia and the U.S. aren’t the only players on the block anymore…China just launched a manned Soyuz derivitive, after all. So, get a couple of pretty _Asian_ taikonauts, put the footage on an [EVD](http://www.recorder.ca/cp/technology/031118/z111815A.html) (to avoid royalty payments on a DVD), put it on the market, and let the money start rolling in. With a few repeat performances, we should make enough money to [fund an exodus to Mars](http://www.astronautix.com/craftfam/sovtions.htm) within the decade. And we can leave Senator Blowhard and Representative Yammerhead to rot on the dirt with the other Earthers. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/48 "2003-11-30T09:19:40Z")
Sending 2 passengers on the Soyuz will be expensive. The Soyuz has 3 seats, and usually used to carry 2 relief crews to a space station and bring back the previous 2. Which means the third seat is available for a short-stay passenger, and this is the seat they sometimes sell to tourists. To carry 2 passengers to the station and back would require a dedicated flight, which will cost a lot more than $40 million. So the only way to film zero-G porn is to send up one actress to perform with one of the crew members… 😉 Or they could charter a NASA KC-135 equipped for ballistic flights, like the makers of Apollo 13 did. You get weightlessness for about 30 seconds, IIRC. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/49 "2003-11-30T09:25:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scr4 \* > \*\*Sending 2 passengers on the Soyuz will be expensive. The Soyuz has 3 seats, and usually used to carry 2 relief crews to a space station and bring back the previous 2. Which means the third seat is available for a short-stay passenger, and this is the seat they sometimes sell to tourists. To carry 2 passengers to the station and back would require a dedicated flight, which will cost a lot more than $40 million. \*\* I can’t find the press release on their website at the moment, but [Space Adventures](http://www.spaceadventures.com/press/index.html) recently announced that they’ll be sending two tourists up at the same time as soon as they find anyone able to pony up the bucks. IIRC, the quoted price for that package was $40 mill. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/50 "2003-11-30T10:36:39Z")
Hmm, you’re right **Tuckerfan**. I stand corrected: [http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/space/06/18/soyuz.tourists/](http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/space/06/18/soyuz.tourists/) Apparently $40 million _is_ enough to get a dedicated flight. ---
**Author:** ![blasphmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@blasphmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blasphmer)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/51 "2003-11-30T17:05:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > \*\*That’s the shuttle (the most complicated machine ever built has a toilet where the _shit’s supposed to hit the fan!_), the Apollo (and earlier) missions were quite different (I’m not sure about Skylab). The astronauts had a plastic baggie that looked like a top hat that they used. The “brim” of the hat had an adhesive on it, which allowed it to cover the astronaut’s rectum so that there’d be little danger of leakage. The astronaut would then reach around and _pull_ the fecal matter into the bag. Once he finished, he’d seal the bag and dispose of it. I’ve no idea if they jettisoned theirs into space, but IIRC, the lander crews dumped theirs on the Moon before leaving. \*\* I threw the book out eons ago but a kiddie-book on space questions written by a Skylab astronaut quoted him as saying the toilet didn’t work that well…occasionally a log would float throughthe cabin and the shi didn’t hit the fan too well so someone had to smear it around with a stick daily. ---
**Author:** ![Redsland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9de0a6/32.png) [@Redsland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redsland)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/52 "2003-11-30T18:32:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Long Road \* > \*\*Sadly, the movie title _Spaceballs_ is already taken but I am sure there are plenty of catchy titles just waiting to be thought up. \*\* I’m up for the challenge. 🙂 It Came in Outer Space Below the Kuiper Belt Zero G Spot Apollo 69 The Cosmologist and the Cosmetologist The Moans of Uranus Bottom Quark Confirming the Double Slit Experiment M-Theory. Also, S&M Theory Dog Star Style The Naked Singularity We’re Going Down The Rubber Sheet Analogy The Case Against COBE T.O.E. Fetish Hot Dark Matter Blue Giants An Untimely Lorentz Contraction In the Asteroid The Big Gang Bang Chicken Hawking String Theory, Chain Theory & Whip Theory Space Probe Erupting Spacetime Supermassive Black Holes Mutually Attractive Bodies A Visit From the Quantum Mechanic Two Aging Stars Deep in Calabi-Yau Space Energetic Interactions and Their Emitted Particles Your Mouth Says “Neutrino,” but Your Eyes Say “Neutrin-yes.” Atom and Eve Shields Up, Pants Down The Planck Length Quantum Tunneling A Visit to the XXX-Ray Observatory Schrodinger’s P\_ssy ---
**Author:** ![Crook\_d\_Dope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Crook\_d\_Dope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crook_d_Dope)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/53 "2003-11-30T21:03:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > \*\*It cost Dennis Tito $20 million to go up on a Russian rocket, so for two people to go up at the same time on one would be $40 million. NASA being the Russian program’s gravy train at the moment, _could_ and probably _would_, block the Russians if they openly tried to send someone up to shoot a porno in space. \*\* Actually the russians DID try to film a sex scene is space (as part of a sci fi pic), funding was the only problem. Also one astronaut who visited Mir found that the Russians had a nice collection of soft core euro-porn. Darn russians were so poor they couldn’t even get the good stuff. 🙂 here’s the link which also hints at an affair between cosmonauts… [http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a3aab0b923a68.htm](http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a3aab0b923a68.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/54 "2003-11-30T21:21:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crook’d Dope \* > \*\*Actually the russians DID try to film a sex scene is space (as part of a sci fi pic), funding was the only problem. \*\* From your link > [@](#): > > **Mir’s** potential as an orbital Peyton Place almost made it the backdrop for the silver screen’s first skin scene in space. The cash-starved Russian space program signed off last year on a plan to film a risque science-fiction feature aboard the outpost. The script included a steamy, explicit male-female rendezvous in weightlessness. However, Russian film director Yuri Kara was unable to line up the financing before the decision was made to scuttle **Mir** in the Pacific Ocean near the end of this month. (bolding mine) Notice that it’s **Mir** , the Russian built space station and **not** the **ISS** the author’s talking about. Also, from other material in the link, it looks like it was **not** going to be a porno, so that the liklihood of the actors actually engaging in sex is pretty low (from an official stand point, 'twere it me, I’d make up some kind of excuse, and actually _perform_ the uh, “docking manauver” as it were). ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/55 "2003-11-30T21:32:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scr4 \* > \*\*Hmm, you’re right **Tuckerfan**. I stand corrected: > > [http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/space/06/18/soyuz.tourists/](http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/space/06/18/soyuz.tourists/) > > Apparently $40 million _is_ enough to get a dedicated flight. \*\* It’s a little dated, but [this article](http://www.fourmilab.ch/documents/rocketaday.html) makes the claim that launches, even using conventional rockets _aren’t_ as expensive as they’re made out to be. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/56 "2003-12-01T00:44:20Z")
Well, we stand at a fork in the road. NASA can keep sending braniacs into space and make certain that their funding keeps getting cut or they can make one giant leap for mankind and start making porn in space. I figure it will go like most everything else has. China will take the lead and soon we won’t even have a space program. The Chinese will do it cheaper and everyone will use them for the launches. I would write the Chinese government with my suggestion but I’d probably get put on some FBI watchlist. ---
**Author:** ![boofy\_bloke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@boofy\_bloke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boofy_bloke)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/57 "2003-12-01T01:46:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scr4 \* > **Sending 2 passengers on the Soyuz will be expensive. The Soyuz has 3 seats, and usually used to carry 2 relief crews to a space station and bring back the previous 2.** relief crews… tee hee! \*\* > [@](#): > > So the only way to film zero-G porn is to send up one actress to perform with one of the crew members… ;)\*\* Or they could send up one actor to perform with one of the (female) crewmembers: I’m sure there’d be a bigger market for watching someone pork an astro-chick than vice versa. \*\* > [@](#): > > Or they could charter a NASA KC-135 equipped for ballistic flights, like the makers of Apollo 13 did. You get weightlessness for about 30 seconds, IIRC. \*\* Possible title: _Apollo 13 inches_. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/58 "2003-12-01T03:00:50Z")
A big part of space missons from the days of Skylab and Salyut to the present has been monitoring how spaceflight (microgravity and radiation exposure) effects the human body. So if crews are returning blood and tissue samples for the flight surgeons to study, I would imagine semen would be a priority item as well, though of course not publicized. ---
**Author:** ![blasphmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@blasphmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blasphmer)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2003, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/59 "2003-12-01T04:10:08Z")
May i be the first to visit uranus? ---
**Author:** ![boofy\_bloke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@boofy\_bloke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boofy_bloke)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698/60 "2003-12-02T01:01:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lumpy \* > \*\*I would imagine semen would be a priority item as well, though of course not publicized. \*\* They collected it in “The right stuff”, with all the boys singing their army/navy/air force songs in the cubicles. Another title: _The white stuff_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-in-space/215698.md?page=4)