# Masturbation is a Direct Path to Satan **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 12, 2016, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994 "2016-04-12T11:51:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/21 "2016-04-12T15:33:53Z")
Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like all these good, moral people are just a tad too obsessed with what other people do in private, or which bathroom they use, or other things that are equally questionable to obsess over. You think they were tattlers at kids?? ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/22 "2016-04-12T15:34:45Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like all these good, moral people are just a tad too obsessed with what other people do in private, or which bathroom they use, or other things that are equally questionable to obsess over. > > You think they were tattlers at kids?? Almost undoubtedly! ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/23 "2016-04-12T15:45:02Z")
I love this bit. > [@](#): > > “There are such things as sex demons. And the danger in masturbating is that one could inadvertently summon a sex demon to attach itself to you through the act of masturbating. And once that demon attaches, it is difficult to get it to leave. It will drive you to masturbate, even when you don’t want to. You’ll be hit with urges to play with yourself so powerful that only an orgasm will allow you some temporary relief." Oddly enough, sex demons are particularly prone to attach themselves just as you hit puberty. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/24 "2016-04-12T16:17:00Z")
I sure get horny reading that stuff. ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/25 "2016-04-12T17:16:48Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > I love this bit. > > Oddly enough, sex demons are particularly prone to attach themselves just as you hit puberty. That’s when I got mine! ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/26 "2016-04-12T17:31:54Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > Um, Mack, about the “open portal to the demonic realm” you may want to rephrase it when talking female masturbation… I believe the preferred term is [“hellmouth.”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hellmouth)😃 ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/27 "2016-04-12T17:43:09Z")
Perhaps if she were to use one of the toys they sell at divine-interventions dot com, that would protect her from the demons. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/28 "2016-04-12T17:46:59Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Oddly enough, sex demons are particularly prone to attach themselves just as you hit puberty. “Lord Satan, some adolescents aren’t succumbing to the lure of our sex demons.” “Not a problem, I’ll just release a new edition of Dungeons & Dragons.” ---
**Author:** ![BeeGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@BeeGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeeGee)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/29 "2016-04-12T17:47:35Z")
So who’s gonna ask him about women masturbating without sex toys? ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/30 "2016-04-12T18:15:08Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > Masturbation is the route to Hell? I always thought dancing and rock n roll music was, especially when done together. I think the progression is: Rock 'n Roll –\> Drinking –\> Dancing –\> Masturbation –\> Hell. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/31 "2016-04-12T18:23:05Z")
I have heard that for some young women, their first orgasm can occur in an unexpected way, such as while on a playground swing, riding a horse or getting very clean under the bathtub faucet. The demons are just everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/32 "2016-04-12T18:24:03Z")
If only there was some way of plugging up that portal to hell. Something we we could thrust in there, again and again until the demons stop coming… ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/33 "2016-04-12T18:51:51Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > If only there was some way of plugging up that portal to hell. Something we we could thrust in there, again and again until the demons stop coming… Wouldn’t that make the demons keep coming? ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/34 "2016-04-12T18:59:16Z")
Depends on how good you are. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/35 "2016-04-12T19:02:32Z")
I bet his mother had a wonderfully unhealthy attitude toward sex as he was growing up. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/36 "2016-04-12T19:03:03Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > I have heard that for some young women, their first orgasm can occur in an unexpected way…getting very clean under the bathtub faucet. Post shortened. I’ll take ‘Awkward Bathing Positions’ for $100, Alex. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/37 "2016-04-12T19:08:31Z")
If Mack Major, expert on female masturbatory techniques, doesn’t have his own porn movie, he should. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/38 "2016-04-12T19:11:09Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > I think the progression is: Rock 'n Roll –\> Drinking –\> Dancing –\> Masturbation –\> Hell. You have the script to Footloose 2??? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/39 "2016-04-12T19:11:52Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > I bet his mother had a wonderfully unhealthy attitude toward sex as he was growing up. She never let him cuddle after. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/40 "2016-04-12T21:25:58Z")
I bet this guy owns like a million sex toys, any takers? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994.md?page=3)