# Masturbation is a Direct Path to Satan **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 12, 2016, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994 "2016-04-12T11:51:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![OpusThePenguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7bcc69/32.png) [@OpusThePenguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpusThePenguin)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/61 "2016-04-13T19:46:49Z")
My post above should have a smilie face (and possibly a facepalm) ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/62 "2016-04-13T19:49:13Z")
Do it 'til you wear it out!! ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/63 "2016-04-13T21:23:27Z")
There was this guy, in his 20s, who had some urological problems so he went to a urologist, a beautiful, voluptuous, just-out-of-med-school blonde woman. She was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous as well as unbelievably sexy. As the examination started, she said to the young man, You must stop masturbating." He asked her why. She said, “Because I’m trying to examine you…” ---
**Author:** ![skdo23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@skdo23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skdo23)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/64 "2016-04-13T23:38:08Z")
A Facebook meme on the subject, which I don’t have handy, points out the irony of Major’s reference to a 25,000 year old artificial phallus by someone who is likely a young earth creationist. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2016, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/65 "2016-04-15T00:55:45Z")
I’m going to hell with a great big smile on my face! ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2016, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/66 "2016-04-15T02:06:47Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like all these good, moral people are just a tad too obsessed with what other people do in private, or which bathroom they use, or other things that are equally questionable to obsess over. Well it would be highly immoral to think demonic thoughts about women masturbating. On the other hand, there’s nothing wrong with thinking very deeply and extensively about women masturbating, _and how demonic it is for them to do so_. Indeed, it may be necessary for him to watch internet videos of women masturbating just to check for demons, and so he can write (well informed) comments about the practice. He probably needs to check on whether his theories about the demonic nature of women masturbating are correct by thinking about women masturbating and seeing if it causes him to become influenced by demons that make it impossible for him not to masturbate. He probably tests this regularly. He probably regularly needs to reinforce to his female followers (particularly Jane with the large breasts, and Margaret, who wears short skirts) just how they shouldn’t masturbate with big dildoes, mouths open, panting. He would undoubtedly have religious visions during his sleep that remind him of just how important women masturbating is as a topic for his future rants. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2016, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/67 "2016-04-16T09:45:55Z")
So the devil makes me do it, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Enuma\_Elish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Enuma\_Elish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enuma_Elish)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2016, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/68 "2016-04-16T11:11:56Z")
When I was just beginning puberty, my Dad told me that masturbation lead to blindness. These many years later, I am quite near-sighted. Just sayin’ ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2016, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/69 "2016-04-16T14:14:58Z")
I’ve read in both Jehovah’s Witnesses and Roman Catholic tracts that God hates masturbators. Speaking as a pagan, that man has a lot to learn about paganism. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2016, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/70 "2016-04-16T14:39:36Z")
Hell? That…? I guess they’re fucked then… ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2016, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/71 "2016-04-16T16:13:34Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > I’m going to hell with a great big smile on my face! Me too! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2016, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/72 "2016-04-16T16:18:11Z")
> [@Enuma\_Elish](#): > > When I was just beginning puberty, my Dad told me that masturbation lead to blindness. These many years later, I am quite near-sighted. Just sayin’ I was nearsighted long before I reached puberty. ---
**Author:** ![PoppaSan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/poppasan/32/189_2.png) [@PoppaSan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoppaSan)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2016, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/73 "2016-04-17T02:33:37Z")
> [@ekedolphin](#): > > Oh, just the women, huh? Nice. Wherever the women are, men soon show up. That’s why bars have ladies nights. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2016, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/74 "2016-04-18T16:37:15Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > and empty tubes of Astrtoglide. Hard to type accurately when your fingers are slippery ? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2016, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/75 "2016-04-18T19:09:39Z")
> [@Enuma\_Elish](#): > > When I was just beginning puberty, my Dad told me that masturbation lead to blindness. These many years later, I am quite near-sighted. Just sayin’ And then you said: “Dad, I’m over here!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Enuma\_Elish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Enuma\_Elish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enuma_Elish)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2016, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/76 "2016-04-19T07:41:24Z")
Now that I think of it, my Dad did wear tri-focals. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/77 "2016-04-20T09:16:40Z")
> [@Enuma\_Elish](#): > > Now that I think of it, my Dad did wear tri-focals. 😃 For some reason, “tri-focals” reminds me of that old saying about the three stages of sex for married couples throughout their life: Tri-weekly Try weekly Try weakly ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/78 "2016-04-20T23:01:07Z")
A friend of mine once showed me through an old house in the country that his family owned. In a small bookcase there were some very old books. One was part of a “youth and health” series and was titled “What Every Young Man Should Know” The author spoke of how “self abuse” could lead to madness, and that he knew personally a young man who was insane due to masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2016, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/79 "2016-04-20T23:15:35Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > A friend of mine once showed me through an old house in the country that his family owned. In a small bookcase there were some very old books. One was part of a “youth and health” series and was titled “What Every Young Man Should Know” The author spoke of how “self abuse” could lead to madness, and that he knew personally a young man who was insane due to masturbation. I have a Boy Scout manual ca. 1920 – possibly one my father used – with the same frightening message. Today, the only place where such nonsense is believed is Utah. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2016, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994/80 "2016-04-21T00:11:55Z")
Boy Scouts. Great. Did they put forth that message (which I cannot remember seeing) to support their Scoutmasters, some of whom are apparently a bit like priests? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-is-a-direct-path-to-satan/751994.md?page=5)