# Masturbation - Ur Doin it wrong. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 3, 2008, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316 "2008-10-03T14:10:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/1 "2008-10-03T14:10:50Z")
[http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081003/ap\_on\_fe\_st/odd\_frustrated\_boyfriend;\_ylt=AkP7gHE8xtygsONh5xSDbIqek3QF](http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081003/ap_on_fe_st/odd_frustrated_boyfriend;_ylt=AkP7gHE8xtygsONh5xSDbIqek3QF) > [@](#): > > Authorities said the girlfriend went to a spare bedroom, and several minutes later she heard two gunshots. She told deputies her boyfriend came into her room and threatened her. He then stumbled into the kitchen before falling into the oven, knocking himself unconscious. You ever have one of those days? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/2 "2008-10-03T14:28:05Z")
No, I have never had a day like that. I have never once accidentally shot myself or knocked myself unconscious on the stove while trying to masturbate. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/3 "2008-10-03T14:57:51Z")
She wouldn’t bang him, so he decided to bang himself? ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/4 "2008-10-03T15:36:13Z")
Was the oven on? You really need to preheat . . . ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/5 "2008-10-03T23:08:34Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > She wouldn’t bang him, so he decided to bang himself? He rubbed the wrong rod. ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine_and_Smiles)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/6 "2008-10-03T23:16:22Z")
You know what they say. If you don’t masturbate beforehand, it’s like carrying a loaded gun. Groooooaaaan. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2008, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/7 "2008-10-04T00:55:42Z")
[“I Masturbated to Sarah Palin!”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=C0kGc6UEGVc) ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2008, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/8 "2008-10-04T01:08:03Z")
The story didn’t include any geographical fine detail but I’m willing to bet a dollar or so that this all happened in East Fort Myers or maybe in Pine Manor. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2008, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/9 "2008-10-04T03:30:41Z")
Are they sure it was the gun that went off? Y’know, some of those good ol’ boys can get really backed up when they don’t get any fer awhile! And afterward, when your blood pressure falls really fast … well, a guy can fall and hit his head on something. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2008, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/10 "2008-10-04T10:53:18Z")
“This is my rifle, this is my gun…” ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2008, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/11 "2008-10-04T14:10:11Z")
😕 I don’t get it. The police walk in to find a guy unconscious on the floor with gunshot wounds and they believe he shot himself and tried to shove himself into an oven. Would that be your first deduction? Even with the girlfriend’s testimony? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/12 "2008-10-04T19:53:04Z")
Did she change her mind? Because I’m absolutely not shooting myself in the arm unless I know it really works. ---
**Author:** ![Interconnected\_Series\_of\_Tubes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/13edae/32.png) [@Interconnected\_Series\_of\_Tubes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Interconnected_Series_of_Tubes)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2008, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/13 "2008-10-04T20:36:46Z")
> [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > 😕 I don’t get it. The police walk in to find a guy unconscious on the floor with gunshot wounds and they believe he shot himself and tried to shove himself into an oven. > > Would that be your first deduction? Even with the girlfriend’s testimony? This elicited some :dubious: from me as well. Particularly the part where he has multiple self-inflicted gunshot wounds. I guess stranger things have happened, though. ---
**Author:** ![A\_Priori\_Tea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3bc359/32.png) [@A\_Priori\_Tea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Priori_Tea)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2008, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/14 "2008-10-04T23:17:17Z")
They call it Fort Misery for a reason, folks. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2008, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/15 "2008-10-04T23:36:32Z")
Well, I guess he answered Mae West’s question: Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2008, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/16 "2008-10-05T01:28:59Z")
I still don’t understand this guy, if he’s horney and gets turned down for sex there are better things he could do than shoot himself in the arm. If he’s mentally ill and getting turned down for sex makes him suicidal, he missed. If he thought shooting himself twice and bashing his head into the oven would get her to change her mind then… Hmm… Honestly I’ve probably done dumber things to get a woman to sleep with me. I don’t recall any of them working either. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2008, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/17 "2008-10-05T01:54:28Z")
So, I guess it’s safe to say he doesn’t, uhmmm, shoot blanks. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2008, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbation-ur-doin-it-wrong/466316/18 "2008-10-05T06:05:11Z")
> [@nd\_n8](#): > > Honestly I’ve probably done dumber things to get a woman to sleep with me. I don’t recall any of them working either. Dumber than shooting yourself multiple times and knocking yourself unconscious?! Whoa!! Please share. Those must be _some_ stories.