# Masturbatory Kindness **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 8, 2000, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746 "2000-06-08T12:53:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/1 "2000-06-08T12:53:21Z")
Everyone huggin’ each other. Everyone thankin’ each other for kindnesses given. Everyone thankin’ everyone for a perceived niceness possibly implied through a third person who’s equally as nice and kind. Sheeesh! Let’s just be done with it: Tell me how kind you are, how understanding, how considerate and give yourself a big hug. Then I don’t want to hear anymore about it. ::I can’t believe I’m actually gonna do this…:: {{{{{{ **ChiefScott** }}}}}} ::God, I’m grumpy when I don’t get enough sleep:: ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/2 "2000-06-08T12:59:34Z")
{{{{{chief}}}}}} it wasnt that difficult, was it??? now everyone give the nice chief a round applause for sharing… Now… mullinator… I believe that you want to speak to the group about your love of schoolgirl’s uniforms… remember, Admitting it is the first step to beating it… ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/3 "2000-06-08T12:59:36Z")
Chief, if I were you, admittedly cranky and on a boat surrounded by explosive devices, I’d be blowing things up left and right. I think I just realised why I’m not in the military. (this is the portion of the post where I would normally convey my good-natured joshing by inserting a smilie. However, in deference to Chief’s aversion to them, I will not. The good-natured joshing will have to be implied.) ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/4 "2000-06-08T13:12:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > {{{{{chief}}}}}} > remember, Admitting it is the first step to beating it… > > \*\* Just the thing to do in the Masturbatory Kindness thread. ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/5 "2000-06-08T13:29:53Z")
Hey **Chief**'ol buddy! heat getting to you still 😃 cheer up, it ain’t forever. i’ll admit my niceness thread is a bit much, i’m emotional right now. but hey, i don’t have stuff to blow up at my disposal anymore. too bad you fellas don’t walk around carrying weapons, i remember a time we got into a nice brawl and one of my buddies gave me a nice shiner with the butstock of his rifle after i clobbered his stomach with my boot. 😃 ahhh, the good ol days. i’d hug you but, you know… ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/6 "2000-06-08T13:39:28Z")
Mmmmmmm, schoolgirl uniforms. ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/7 "2000-06-08T15:28:39Z")
ChiefScott, may I reccomend Nair for those palms of yours? ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/8 "2000-06-08T15:31:25Z")
I thought this was going to be a thread on the ettiquette for what to do when you walk into a room and catch a family member or roommate pleasuring themselves. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/9 "2000-06-08T15:46:48Z")
Chief, are you sure there’s no alcohol on board that damned boat? This looks too much like one of Omni’s drunken stunts. When you come to your senses and see how embarassing this is, let me know and I’ll delete it. And fer Christ’s sake, you’ve do know what a laughingstock you’ve made of the U.S. military in front of the entire world, don’t you? We’ll never be able to look Iraq or North Korea in the face again. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/10 "2000-06-08T16:37:55Z")
Wow. I didn’t know a stupid little post in which I bitched about all the “{{{{{}}}}}” thingies I’ve been seeing lately could effect world perception of the U.S. military!! And fer Christ’s sake, Unc, I’m pretty sure I’ll bitch about something you don’t agree with again sometime. Hopefully I won’t make a laughingstock of something else. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/11 "2000-06-08T19:15:49Z")
{{{{{:)Chief:)}}}}} ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/12 "2000-06-08T19:35:14Z")
**{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wally}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}** ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/13 "2000-06-08T19:35:39Z")
And before he gets all upset about it, ChiefScott is probably on a ship full o’ explosives, not a boat. Except for submarines, most boats aren’t big enough to have a CPO, and Navy types tend to be a bit sensitive about the distinction. And we wouldn’t want a nice sweet guy like ChiefScott getting all upset, now would we? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/14 "2000-06-08T21:39:13Z")
yeah, get him angry, lets see stuff blow up!! 😃 😃 😃 c’mon, make me proud! THAT WAS JUST A JOKE, DO NOT BLOW STUFF UP REPEAT DO NOT BLOW STUFF UP ok, go ahead, do it do it, c’mon c’mon! ---
**Author:** ![NothingMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b77776/32.png) [@NothingMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NothingMan)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/15 "2000-06-08T22:11:19Z")
I would drink Alyssa Milano’s bathwater. O.K., I would pay for it. I would pay $100 for an ounce of Alyssa Milano’s sweat. I had better be able to collect it myself though - your sweat ? AAAchhk. Did I say that out loud ? Ummmm, alrighty. NM ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/16 "2000-06-08T22:45:26Z")
LOL!! I love you guys! 'Specially you, ChiefScott! {{{{{{ChiefScott}}}}}} {{{{{{JohnL}}}}}} {{{{{{Swiddles}}}}}} {{{{{{PinkSlinky}}}}}} {{{{{{Soulsling}}}}}} {{{{{{Mully}}}}}} {{{{{{Demo}}}}}} {{{{{{BurnMeUp}}}}}} {{{{{{UncleBeer}}}}}} {{{{{{Diane}}}}}} {{{{{{Wally}}}}}} {{{{{{Chronos}}}}}} {{{{{{NothingMan}}}}}} {{{{{{purplebear}}}}}} Howzat? {insert smilie with tongue sticking out} ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/17 "2000-06-08T22:56:12Z")
Hey! Purplebear! Where’s _ **MY** _ hug?!!! Oh well…Sigh… {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ChiefScott}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 ! ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/18 "2000-06-08T23:02:14Z")
Sorry, my dear. I just hugged everyone who had posted to this thread, in the order they posted to it. So, since you’re the next poster… {{{{{{VestalBlue}}}}}} Is that better, my dear? 😉 (oops!, sorry, Chief) ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/19 "2000-06-08T23:46:43Z")
_feels left out_ But won’t we go blind? ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/20 "2000-06-09T00:03:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Sheeesh! Let’s just be done with it: > > Tell me how kind you are, how understanding, how considerate and give yourself a big hug. Then I don’t want to hear anymore about it. > \*\* Well fine, go ahead and start a thread like this. Leaves people like me out completely. I don’t have a damned thing to say about how nice I am, I am only average at being considerate (except to Hubby), and am understanding only when I am in the mood. I rarely hug people. You won’t hear any more about it from me. 🆒 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746.md?page=2)