# Masturbatory Kindness **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 8, 2000, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746 "2000-06-08T12:53:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/21 "2000-06-09T01:59:21Z")
Omigod, medical emergency on the Ike! Corpsmen to the bridge! _WHOOO-ga, WHOOO-ga!_ Dive, all dive! Oh, sorry, the only pattern I have is old WWII submarine movies. Poor Chief Scott, stalwartly defending our freedom and we send him into diabetic shock. Okay, Chief ::grabs him by the ears::, can you hear me? **Britheal bites!** There, feel better now? Veb ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/22 "2000-06-09T03:22:20Z")
Holy Shit… can’t you just feel the love in this room. Chiefy I’m not gonna hug you, I’m just going to tell you to get some damn sleep will ya!! Roll into the rack and close your eyes. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/23 "2000-06-09T08:05:07Z")
Whoa, the flamin’ e-mail! Apparently others, in addition to **UncleBeer** , got the impression that I was attacking a specific thread or group of threads with my OP. Some believe I was attacking a specific poster. Not so, folks. Like smilies, I feel the contrived, virtual hug {{}} to be so much detritus. If you wanna use 'em, go ahead. I don’t have to like em. But I’m not gonna start a war over 'em. Sure, I’ll bitch. Sure, I’ll moan. But with the exception of humorous, one-line retorts, I won’t make a big deal out of their use – I promise. As to the thread title: “Masturbatory” was used in the sense of “self-gratifying”. Not in reference to the excitement of one’s genitals. Finally, someone _really_ needs to: **{{{{{{Unclebeer’s dick}}}}}}**. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/24 "2000-06-09T10:14:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Finally, someone _really_ needs to: > **{{{{{{Unclebeer’s dick}}}}}}**. > \*\* I’m…uh…not touching that one with a 10 foot pole. What are the odds that Cecil will check in on this thread? A million to one? ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/25 "2000-06-09T11:26:28Z")
I thought it was amusing… now I feel left out if people think you were insulting, I never get to be insulted or flamed. Whats with that 😉 😉 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/26 "2000-06-09T11:28:35Z")
oops… attack not insult. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/27 "2000-06-09T11:44:22Z")
I can hug myself any time Chieffie, I’d rather hug you!! {{{{{{{{Chief}}}}}}} ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/28 "2000-06-09T11:46:13Z")
Please let her hug you… watching her wrap her arms around herself is well… hmmmm rather an odd thing to see and a habit I’ve been trying to help her break for a long time. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/29 "2000-06-09T11:46:38Z")
I’m waiting to see who will kill the “Masturbatory Kindness” thread. Goddamn it, it’d better not be ME! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/30 "2000-06-10T19:57:26Z")
Yup. Dead for a whole day **DRY**. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/31 "2000-06-10T20:06:44Z")
Nope, I understood your OP just fine, Chief. I happen to agree with you. I’m sorry if my sarcasm fell flat and caused any misunderstandings. On the other hand, if someone wants to hug my dick, I’m not averse. Get outta here SqrlCub, you know what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/32 "2000-06-10T20:11:09Z")
I was gonna wear that public flagellation with pride, too. ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/33 "2000-06-10T20:35:42Z")
UncleBeer, I would volunteer, but Mr Bear wouldn’t like that. 😛 Chief, I understood you perfectly. Maybe that’s because I have the same warped sense of humor. Ya think? Glad to see that you only put it to sleep for a day, DRY! Now watch, **I’ll** be the one that kills it. After all, I haven’t killed a thread in …oh,… a couple of days maybe. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/34 "2000-06-10T20:57:01Z")
But I will give you a kiss… _ **Chief** _ for posting [this.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=25199) ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/35 "2000-06-10T22:48:03Z")
> [@](#): > > On the other hand, if someone wants to hug my dick, I’m not averse. :::raising hand::: ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/36 "2000-06-11T01:54:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > On the other hand, if someone wants to hug my dick, I’m not averse. > > . > \*\* I think what Unca Beer is saying here folks, is that he’s got his own Private Eye, if you know what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/37 "2000-06-11T05:36:52Z")
AWWWW, Chieffie! {{{{{elelle}}}}}} :::SLAP::: What can I say, I’ve got roving hands… ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/38 "2000-06-11T10:59:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > On the other hand, if someone wants to hug my dick, I’m not averse. > > :::raising hand::: > \*\* “Your hand…look like the innocent flower, But be the serpent under’t.” –Macbeth, Act 1, scene v (THIS time, I think I’ve killed this thread) ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/39 "2000-06-11T17:20:51Z")
MacBeth has the curious habit of killing everything he touches… ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746/40 "2000-06-11T21:56:24Z")
Don’t worry, DRY, you’re off the hook now (and I don’t care if I do end up killing the thread). But for all your Shakepeare knowledge, don’t you know that one never, ever refers to that play by name? If it’s necessary to mention it, it’s the Scottish play. Sheesh, next thing you know, you’ll be wishing an actor “good luck”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/masturbatory-kindness/21746.md?page=3)