# Matchmakers of the world: piss off! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 8, 2015, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133 "2015-02-08T17:31:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CoastalMaineiac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@CoastalMaineiac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoastalMaineiac)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/1 "2015-02-08T17:31:45Z")
Dear Pentecostal\* old lady: I do not want to marry your granddaughter. I know! I know! You knew my grandmother back in the day. And every time I by happenstance run into you, you ask me the same Odin-damned question, and the answer is going to be the same every time. No, I am not married, and no, I do not give a shit that your granddaughter is also not married, so stop trying to set me up with her. As I have told you every time you ask me this same question, I enjoy being single and on my own. If, by the graces of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Dread Lord Cthulhu I live to be 98 years of age, I will still be single and still be enjoying it, especially if my only option were to marry into _your_ family! You people are a whole level of crazy that I want nothing to do with, so piss up a rope with your ideas of marriage! \*By “Pentecostal,” I am referring to the type that requires women to wear long skirts everywhere, wear their hair in a bun, abstain from wearing make-up and jewelry, and never use birth control. I believe the Assemblies of God and Church of God also considers itself “Pentecostal,” but these folks peg the crazy meter way beyond any other Christian denomination I’ve ever encountered. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/2 "2015-02-08T17:44:41Z")
… so is she hot? ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/3 "2015-02-08T17:51:22Z")
Just say you’re married, old chick wouldn’t understand your objections anyway. You know my grandau… MARRIED! ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/4 "2015-02-08T17:52:27Z")
> [@CoastalMaineiac](#): > > No, I am not married, and no, I do not give a shit that your granddaughter is also not married, so stop trying to set me up with her. > [@Alessan](#): > > … so is she hot? Answer: 1) No, or 2) Crazy. Pick one, but not necessarily 1, of the two. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/5 "2015-02-08T18:20:51Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > … so is she hot? Dude. A total GILF. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/6 "2015-02-08T18:26:20Z")
but you make such a nice couple. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/7 "2015-02-08T18:29:40Z")
Just tell her your husband isn’t that open-minded. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/8 "2015-02-08T18:53:38Z")
Tell her that you’ve considering converting to Fundamentalist Mormonism, and you think her granddaughter would make an excellent Sister Wife as wife #3. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/9 "2015-02-08T19:12:18Z")
Keep in mind there are balances. Blazing hot and batshit crazy, we must admit is not a mature, sensible and reasonable choice. Nor is it one we are ever likely to encounter. Clearly, the most perfect balance is very hot but entirely sane, sensible and mature. The sort of woman who might very well not post on SDMB, but occasionally peruse because its more interesting than Facebook. I have little doubt that we can agree that this is the ideal combination. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/10 "2015-02-08T21:00:36Z")
I did some volunteer work once with an older woman who kept trying to set me up with her MARRIED son, hoping that he would have an affair with me and leave his wife. She REALLY did not like his wife. I’m sure she was the mother-in-law from hell. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/11 "2015-02-08T21:49:43Z")
> [@CoastalMaineiac](#): > > Dear Pentecostal\* old lady: > > I do not want to marry your granddaughter. I know! I know! You knew my grandmother back in the day. And every time I by happenstance run into you, you ask me the same Odin-damned question, and the answer is going to be the same every time. No, I am not married, and no, I do not give a shit that your granddaughter is also not married, so stop trying to set me up with her. As I have told you every time you ask me this same question, I enjoy being single and on my own. If, by the graces of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Dread Lord Cthulhu I live to be 98 years of age, I will still be single and still be enjoying it, especially if my only option were to marry into _your_ family! I don’t fundamentally object to the idea of matchmaking,[sup]\*[/sup] but once you’ve said you’re not interested that ought to put an end to it. If anything, my experience has been the opposite of the OP. I wouldn’t mind expanding my social circle, and several people have discussed the possibility of introducing me to someone, but the number who follow through is quite small. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/12 "2015-02-09T02:06:27Z")
The granddaughter’s a slut, man. Hit it and quit it. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/13 "2015-02-09T02:18:54Z")
> [@Ann\_Hedonia](#): > > I did some volunteer work once with an older woman who kept trying to set me up with her MARRIED son, hoping that he would have an affair with me and leave his wife. She REALLY did not like his wife. I’m sure she was the mother-in-law from hell. Hah, my mother did the same thing with me. She _hated_ my husband\*, and after we were married she tried to set me up with “Bob,” the son of her friend “Hazel.” Somewhere in all of the ensuing details, there is a darkly comic novel that could be written based on this. For starters, I really did like Bob a lot - had I been single, sure, I’d have been happy to go out with him. We had a fantastic time together (my mother invited him over to her house for dinner one night when I was visiting her without my husband in tow). Actually it would have served my mother right if I’d divorced my husband to marry Bob, because Bob couldn’t stand his mother Hazel, and eventually severed all ties with her for a number of years. Meanwhile I continued to (barely) put up with my mother, but if I’d been with Bob we’d have given each other moral support and we could have cut contact with our parents at the same time. Then my mother and Hazel could have blamed each other for raising such rotten kids. I do wonder what that might have done to their friendship. \*who is a great guy - the rest of the world adores him. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/14 "2015-02-09T03:16:30Z")
Pitting an old lady who thinks you’re a good match for her granddaughter? The OP is such a badass. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/15 "2015-02-09T03:26:16Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > Blazing hot and batshit crazy, we must admit is not a mature, sensible and reasonable choice. Nor is it one we are ever likely to encounter. Well, maybe YOU don’t. The blazing hot and batshit crazy ones were the only ones who would give me the time of day. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/16 "2015-02-09T16:03:57Z")
> [@CoastalMaineiac](#): > > \*By “Pentecostal,” I am referring to the type that requires women to wear long skirts everywhere, wear their hair in a bun, abstain from wearing make-up and jewelry, and never use birth control. I believe the Assemblies of God and Church of God also considers itself “Pentecostal,” but these folks peg the crazy meter way beyond any other Christian denomination I’ve ever encountered. I thought that was the Amish. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/17 "2015-02-09T16:14:48Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > I thought that was the Amish. The [German Baptist](http://kweeklies.media.clients.ellingtoncms.com/img/photos/2008/05/09/German-Baptist-6_t960.jpg?b8ea04f16efcb7dc07c41fa674167d6870b19a92) dress in similar style, too. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/18 "2015-02-09T16:18:20Z")
Tell her you’re gay. She’ll not only stop pimping her granddaughter, she’ll likely never talk to you again. Win-win! ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/19 "2015-02-09T16:21:22Z")
Her grand-daughter could cure you. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2015, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133/20 "2015-02-09T16:47:24Z")
Tell her you’d like to sample before you buy and would have a lot of premarital sex with her before deciding if she’s the one [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/matchmakers-of-the-world-piss-off/712133.md?page=2)