# Math joke **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 16, 2002, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591 "2002-03-16T06:23:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/1 "2002-03-16T06:23:16Z")
Here’s a joke I heard on the Dr. Dean Edell show: Math Through The Years: 1950 A logger sells a batch of lumber for $100. His production costs are 4/5 of this. What is his profit? 1960 A logger sells a batch of lumber for $100. His production costs are 4/5 of this, or $80. What is his profit? 1970 A logger excanges set L of lumber for set M of money. If set M=$100 and sunset C, costs, = $80, what is the value of the intersection of sets that indicates his profits? 1980 A logger sells a batch of lumber for $100. His production costs are 4/5 of this, or $80. His profit is $20. Your assignment is to underline the number 20. 1990 A logger destroyes a beautiful forest and sells the wood for $100. What do you think of his method of making money? Discussion question: How do you suppose the birds and animals felt about having their wonderful home razed by a greedy human? There are no wrong answers. 2002 A logger sells a batch of lumber for $100. His production costs are $120. How does Arthur Anderson determine that his profit is $60? ---
**Author:** ![Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/db5fbb/32.png) [@Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fred)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/2 "2002-03-16T07:17:41Z")
Hey, here’s another math joke: Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9! HAHAHAHA! 7 8 9!!! ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/3 "2002-03-16T07:19:25Z")
I used to do this sort of thing with my students: “And this, of course, can’t be true, because zero x plus zero y cannot equal 4, unless you’re workng with large values of zero.” No, they didn’t think it was funny either. ---
**Author:** ![d12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/71c47a/32.png) [@d12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/d12)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/4 "2002-03-16T07:22:52Z")
Read in Readers Digest: Working in an algebra class the answer ended up being x = 0 when a hand shot up and the kid asks… You mean we did all that work for nothing? Well I thought it was funny 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/5 "2002-03-16T07:58:00Z")
When I was about 13 I came up with the following, and I thought it was the cleverest thing ever: How are one minute and the fraction 1/16th alike? … They’re both “two thirty seconds!” **Weirddave** , that was funny. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/6 "2002-03-16T10:29:48Z")
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. That is so true… ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/7 "2002-03-16T12:20:23Z")
Thank you, Enron and Arthur Andersen, for breathing new life into this moldy oldie. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/8 "2002-03-16T16:01:44Z")
I was afraid I was going to see the return of noted criminal Curly Pi. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/9 "2002-03-16T16:15:31Z")
As RTFirefly points out, Weirddave’s joke is actually fairly old. It’s an anti-new-math, anti-political-correctness, I-hate-these-stupid-young-kids joke that’s had a new line added to make fun of Arthur Anderson. Here’s a more mathematical joke (and it’s even older than Weirddave’s joke): What’s the following?: Hilton + Wilding + Todd + Fisher + Burton + Burton + Warner + Fortensky + . . . Answer: It’s a Taylor series. ---
**Author:** ![Spritle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/10 "2002-03-16T18:15:09Z")
Hey, **Wendell** , know what this is? Yeah…Yeah…Yeah…Yeah… [sub]My God, I’m turning into a geek![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/11 "2002-03-16T18:17:26Z")
Q. What does a mathematician with constipation do? A. Works it out with a pencil. Psst. It’s “Andersen”, not “Arthur Anderson”. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/12 "2002-03-16T18:20:03Z")
A young woman comes home to her small town. She’s the first person in her family to have graduated college, let alone earned a PHD in advanced mathematics. Her family is thrilled and they throw a huge party to celebrate. Toasts are given, along with well wishes, and then they push the woman up on stage and ask her to give a speech. “I don’t know what to say,” she blushfully yells out. “Tell us one of them mathematational formulas you done learned in the big city!” ol Jethro yells out. “Well…ok. This is one of the first I learned, very simple. Pi r[sup]2[/sup]” A stunned silence hits the crowd. The young woman’s grandmother slowly starts weeping in her wheelchair. The mother looks up at her and yells “you stupid fool! We done sent you aways for seven years and you come back to tell us that nonsense? Everyone in this town knows that pies are round!” ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/13 "2002-03-16T18:49:48Z")
Two functions are walking down the street when they see a differentiation operator coming the other way. The first goes “Oh no! I’m but a constant function; I live in fear of differentiation operators cause they’ll turn me into nothing!” and with that, she runs away. The second is undaunted; he approaches the differentation operator and says, “Hello, I’m e[sup]x[/sup]. I’m not afraid of you, cause you can’t do anything to me.” The differentiation operator looks him up and down and says, “Hello, e[sup]x[/sup], it’s nice to meet you. I’m d/dy.” And as a bonus, the world’s shortest mathematical joke: let [symbol]e[/symbol] be less than zero. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2002, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/14 "2002-03-16T20:02:55Z")
Spritle writes: \> Hey, Wendell, know what this is? \> \> Yeah…Yeah…Yeah…Yeah… That’s even better than the way I’ve heard before of telling that riddle. I can’t draw on the SDMB, so I’ll have to explain this: What is the following?: A + A + A + A + . . . [But you have to draw in some hair (some fur, get it?) on the A’s.] ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2002, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/15 "2002-03-17T02:14:35Z")
I like **ultrafilter** ’s jokes. Very clever! ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2002, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/16 "2002-03-17T05:42:20Z")
Two math professors are in a restaurant, arguing over whether or not today’s youth have any concept of mathematics. The younger one, who felt that young people knew more than the older prof suspected, arranged a bet. “When the waitress brings us our bill, I’ll ask her a math question. If she gets it right, you pay for dinner.” The older prof agreed, and left for the restroom. The younger prof, starting to have second thoughts, grabs the waitress while the other is away and tells her, “When you bring us our bill, I’m going to ask you a question. The answer is ‘x cubed’.” “X cubed?” “X cubed.” “Sure, whatever,” she says. When she brings them the bill, the younger prof says. “Excuse me miss, but could you tell us the integral of one-third x squared?” She looks nervously at the younger one, looks to the floor, and then mumbles, “X cubed.” “There, you see?” says the younger prof, winking at the waitress. As they walk away, she mutters, “plus a constant.” ---
**Author:** ![Palve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a698b9/32.png) [@Palve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palve)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2002, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/17 "2002-03-17T06:05:30Z")
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side. _insert groan smiley here_ Two mathematicians are walking down the street and one falls into a bottomless pit, so the other one sets a flamingo on fire and quacks. I’ve just invented surrealist mathematician humor. ---
**Author:** ![Soup\_du\_jour](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Soup\_du\_jour](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soup_du_jour)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2002, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/18 "2002-03-17T06:20:51Z")
Taylor series jokes? I never thought I’d see the day… ---
**Author:** ![Achernar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e274bd/32.png) [@Achernar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achernar)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2002, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/19 "2002-03-17T06:24:51Z")
Although it’s less purely mathematical than these others, here goes: A man walks into the doctor’s office and yells, “Help me doc! I’m the metric! I’m Maxwell stress-energy! I’m the metric! I’m Maxwell stress-energy!” The doctor replies, “Calm down! You’re just two tensors.” ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2002, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591/20 "2002-03-17T14:27:38Z")
Why did the mathematician name his dog Cauchy? Because it left a residue around every pole. OK, another one: A plane flying to eastern Europe developed a mechanical problem and was in danger of crashing. One mathematician shouted, “everyone with a Polish passport, move to the left side of the isle!” The passengers did so, and the plane became stable again. Yes, he achieved stability by moving all the Poles to the left half-plane. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/math-joke/98591.md?page=2)