# Mattress tag "Do Not Remove" jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 19, 2006, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mattress-tag-do-not-remove-jokes/365250 "2006-07-19T22:38:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mattress-tag-do-not-remove-jokes/365250/1 "2006-07-19T22:38:13Z")
[This thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=380341) in GQ discusses the “Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law” tag found on mattresses. For a long time, it wasn’t clear that the tag applied only to merchants, not consumers. As several posters noted, this provided grist for many a joke. My favorite was when Mr. Carlson, the nebbishy boss on _WKRP in Cincinnati_, was explaining how law abiding and fearful of authority he was. "You know those mattress tags that say, ‘Do not remove under penalty of law’? I get nervous just _having those in the house!_" Can anyone remember any others? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mattress-tag-do-not-remove-jokes/365250/2 "2006-07-19T22:43:15Z")
Classic _National Lampoon_ cover: “Crime issue!” Semi-dark bedroom, _film noir_ atmosphere. In the background, a terrified hottied backed against a wall, staring in horror. In the foreground, a leather-gloved pair of hands rolling back a mattress and tearing off the tag. Og, I miss _NatLamp!_☹ ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mattress-tag-do-not-remove-jokes/365250/3 "2006-07-19T23:47:06Z")
_Mad_ Magazine’s parody of _Apocalypse Now_. The severed heads of a few Vietnamese who’d transgressed against the mad rule of Colonel Kurtz are shown. One was condemned for jaywalking in the jungle. Another for spitting on the floor of a jungle bus and the third: “You know those little tags that say ‘do not remove under penalty of law’?” ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mattress-tag-do-not-remove-jokes/365250/4 "2006-07-20T00:21:57Z")
IIRC, in **Pee Wee’s Big Adventure** , Pee Wee’s on-the-lam buddy was thrown in jail for said heinous crime. ---
**Author:** ![Meeko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Meeko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meeko)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mattress-tag-do-not-remove-jokes/365250/5 "2006-07-20T03:53:51Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > IIRC, in **Pee Wee’s Big Adventure** , Pee Wee’s on-the-lam buddy was thrown in jail for said heinous crime. Just popped in to add Mickeys quote. Peewee seeing the broken, still locked handcuffs on each wrist: “Whatd you do?” Mickey “Well, one night, I got real mad… and so I took a Knife… [[Mickey quickly reconsiders confessing to pee wee]] and I … You know those do not remove tags on mattresses…” Peewee “Yeah ?” Mickey “Well one night, I got real mad, and so, I cut one of em off!” Peewee “I always thought that was the stupidest law” [peewee laughs] ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mattress-tag-do-not-remove-jokes/365250/6 "2006-07-20T11:30:28Z")
When Fletch gets caught in the house in Utah (or something), he’s looking under the bed, and he pops up and says, “mattress tag inspector.” From IMDB: "I’m afraid I’m gonna have to pull rank on you. I didn’t want to have to do this. I’m with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses. "