# May god have mercy on my soul, I'm a paying member **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 28, 2007, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004 "2007-02-28T08:26:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/21 "2007-02-28T18:49:50Z")
[QUOTE=Jeff] Eep. Sorry but would you believe my pantaloons are full of eels? Winston, I’m somebody’s brother. I could be yours too; make me an offer and we’ll talk. My rates are reasonable. [/QUOTE] Wellllllllllllll you’re going to be a close personal acquaintance of a “Mariah”. BRING ON THE SQUID, BOYS!! ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/22 "2007-02-28T18:57:43Z")
Welcome **Jeff**. Say, are you the same Jeff from that _Men in Black_ movie? If so, I loved you in that part! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/23 "2007-02-28T19:21:57Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Wellllllllllllll you’re going to be a close personal acquaintance of a “Mariah”. BRING ON THE SQUID, BOYS!! [/QUOTE] The squid is quite capable of bringing herself on, so to speak. :: shudder :: ---
**Author:** ![Jeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/24 "2007-02-28T20:13:32Z")
[QUOTE=Nic2004] Welcome **Jeff**. Say, are you the same Jeff from that _Men in Black_ movie? If so, I loved you in that part! [/QUOTE] Yes, but they changed just enough of my life story that I couldn’t sue for damages. Frakking hollywood big-budget sci-fi-comic-book-to-movie-adaptions ruined my life! ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/25 "2007-02-28T20:18:56Z")
Wait a minute. _I_ never got to meet the squid! I love tentacled things. You’re saying I had the opportunity to experience something tentacled but never did? _grumble grumble_ Welcome, **Jeff.** Or Welcome back. Whichever suits you. No hard feelings, I swear. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/26 "2007-02-28T20:30:34Z")
Welcome. Have a margarita - you’ll need it. Try not to step on the cats. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/27 "2007-02-28T20:31:43Z")
An Ode to Jeff, Welcome Jeff You’ll like it here Even though we’re awful queer I mean that in the funny sense Please excuse me if I’m dense You say you’re Scottish, that’s awful sweet Sucking on a young lamb’s teat Have you ever had the dish called Haggis Personally it reminds me of Rick Moranis in the sense that he makes me want to vomit In the opposite sense I watch Wallace and Gromit I’m sorry this poem is rambling Twisting and turning the internet brambling I’m going to go now but welcome sir May you truly live long and prosper, prosper. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/28 "2007-02-28T20:47:48Z")
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th] Wait a minute. _I_ never got to meet the squid! I love tentacled things. You’re saying I had the opportunity to experience something tentacled but never did? _grumble grumble_ Welcome, **Jeff.** Or Welcome back. Whichever suits you. No hard feelings, I swear. [/QUOTE] If you _want_ the squid, it clearly is not the appropriate experience for you. Think back to that blank spot in your memory, and the events just after it. You may get some clues as to what actually happened. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/29 "2007-03-01T01:20:34Z")
Welcome to the boards! Who’s got the goat? ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/30 "2007-03-01T02:39:56Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] If you _want_ the squid, it clearly is not the appropriate experience for you. Think back to that blank spot in your memory, and the events just after it. You may get some clues as to what actually happened. [/QUOTE] You gave her to the goat, instead? That’s a horrible thing to do to poor **olives**! ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/31 "2007-03-01T02:46:55Z")
It’s not everyone who’s welcomed with poetry, **Jeff**. You should feel honored. Don’t let the squid scare you. She’s really very…errrrrrrrrrrm…affectionate. Welcome! GT ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/32 "2007-03-01T02:55:03Z")
[QUOTE=Morgyn] You gave her to the goat, instead? That’s a horrible thing to do to poor **olives**! [/QUOTE] Excuse me? I don’t _do_ goats. [sub]Except as squid food.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/33 "2007-03-01T03:30:26Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] Excuse me? I don’t _do_ goats. [sub]Except as squid food.[/sub] [/QUOTE] At Straight Dope Message Board, members do not do goats. Goats do . . . . well, what do goats do? They eat paper and tin cans, and they butt things. It has possibilities. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/34 "2007-03-01T03:40:41Z")
Welcome! Just out of curiosity, are you the same Jeff that joined in 2001, or have you been mind-melded to someone else? Not that it matters – glad to have another Kanukistani aboard. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/35 "2007-03-01T04:04:03Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] So, did anyone scare up that giant squid? I know we caught one recently, but that squid’s gonna be ornery. [/QUOTE] It won’t matter… [Groundskeeper Willie] There’s nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman! [/GW] ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/36 "2007-03-01T04:08:49Z")
By virtue of the fact that you have 144 posts in less than 24 hours and a join date of 2001, I suspect this is a Welcome Back Kotter thread. We’re glad you finally hunkered down and doled out the $14 smackeroos. Welcome back! ---
**Author:** ![Jeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/37 "2007-03-01T08:50:13Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin] Just out of curiosity, are you the same Jeff that joined in 2001, or have you been mind-melded to someone else? Not that it matters – glad to have another Kanukistani aboard. [/QUOTE] Close, I have him tied up in my basement. He says hi. Actually it’s more like _mmmph-mmmph mmmmmmmmmmuph_. And Autolycus, I’m honored. Your poem almost makes up for the nervousness I feel at my impending ententacle-ation. edit: and thanks to all for the warm welcome! ---
**Author:** ![Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silence_of_the_clams)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/38 "2007-03-01T09:17:16Z")
Ssssshhh! Put away them bagpipes! You might awaken the squid! I’m Kotick byt he way (shakes hands), the emergency exits are here, here and here. No, wait, we don’t have any. You are stuck here just like the rest of us. The trick is to not disturb the squid (laughs nervously, fades away into the shadows). ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/39 "2007-03-01T11:28:18Z")
You know, we aren’t supposed to tell _everyone_ about the initiation animals. The squid and goat are least of your worries, **Jeff**. Just don’t go into the back room with anyone saying they’re part of the membership committee. All seriousness aside, welcome. Glad to see another Pacific Northwestern here. We’ll be taking over the board soon. Oh, I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hugh\_Jass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4da419/32.png) [@Hugh\_Jass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hugh_Jass)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-god-have-mercy-on-my-soul-im-a-paying-member/394004/40 "2007-03-01T14:33:33Z")
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