# "May I kiss you?" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 8, 2007, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185 "2007-03-08T23:57:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/1 "2007-03-08T23:57:40Z")
In regaling a friend with the account of my latest [sexcapade](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=411238) (hee! I had a sexcapade!) she interrupted me, just as things were getting interesting, to ask if he’d asked. To kiss me, I mean. (He hadn’t.) We agreed, nothing was weedier than asking permission to kiss someone. Also, what’s the best response? My friend declared the best answer was no answer, just a look. What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/2 "2007-03-09T01:06:54Z")
What’s weedy about it? It’s a simple yes or no question. A blank stare is a non-answer. Just say yes or no. Of course, after the first kiss, asking permission _every_ time might become annoying, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![some\_white\_dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b487fb/32.png) [@some\_white\_dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/some_white_dude)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/3 "2007-03-09T01:16:00Z")
My SO told me a while ago that there are two types of guys: askers and swoopers. I didn’t do either, she had to tell me to kiss her. I dunno what that makes me. I think that if I felt the time was right I woulda swooped in, but I just didn’t feel it. Guess I have a little trouble with signals. Depending on the context, I don’t think has to seem sketchy (which is what I’m guessing you mean by weedy). Coming from some random dude on the street, that’d be odd, but it could be nice in the right situation. That said, I bet most girls prefer swoopers. ---
**Author:** ![some\_white\_dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b487fb/32.png) [@some\_white\_dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/some_white_dude)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/4 "2007-03-09T01:17:04Z")
Just realized you’re in Australia and you might not know that sketchy = creepy. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/5 "2007-03-09T01:17:53Z")
Is “weedy” good or bad? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Push\_Up\_Bra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/edb3f5/32.png) [@Freudian\_Push\_Up\_Bra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Push_Up_Bra)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/6 "2007-03-09T01:25:23Z")
Weedy means dorky, in an Aussie context. A weedy guy is may be shy or socially inept and has fairly poor social skills, especially around women. In a physical context; skinny with no muscle tone, like an old school ‘nerd’ who was very pale with a high-pitched voice. Weedy. ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/7 "2007-03-09T01:38:46Z")
Before my first kiss, I asked (And I’ve only ever kissed one girl, so…). I had been advised to do so by a friend, though she later said she was probably wrong. There was a perfect moment, with a sunset and such. And I finally got up the courage to ask ten minutes later, long after the moment had passed. Her immediate answer was “I don’t know.” The next day, she kissed me. And a non-personal part: In a couple weeks, there will be a program at Ball State University called “Can I kiss you?” According to the e-mail about it "Before you kiss, do you ask? Will it ruin the moment? Will you feel like an idiot? Most people do not ask their partner before engaging in intimacy. Yet, most individuals love and appreciate being asked first! Why? Mike Domirtz shows how ‘Asking takes away all the pressures and eliminates potential confusion & danger. By giving your partner a choice, you always respect his or her wants. Plus, it’s romantic.’ " ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/8 "2007-03-09T01:42:43Z")
I agree. Asking can be romantic, showing that you really care about what the other person wants, and you’re trying to be sure that your attentions are sought. Of course, asking can also be really sketchy-it depends on the situation. ---
**Author:** ![2pelo\_honey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/ecb155/32.png) [@2pelo\_honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2pelo_honey)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/9 "2007-03-09T01:44:00Z")
Ah, I recall a night many moons ago, being out on the town, and running into some guys from the restaurant I’d recently started bartending at…well, I was chatting away w/ one of them, and out of the blue, he said “may I kiss you?”…honest ta god, I still think it’s one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard. Then, let’s try to forget about how weird he got a few years later, but…my point is, I personally thought it was a nice change from being “swooped” on… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/10 "2007-03-09T01:48:04Z")
Considering he is your subordinate at work, I’d say asking for permission to kiss first is self-preservation. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/11 "2007-03-09T01:51:28Z")
I’ve never had anyone ask me before. I suppose it depends on the context, but my instinct is to say, if you have to ask, the answer will most likely be no. The best kiss in my life involved the guy yanking me around to face him then shoving me up against the nearest wall. No asking involved whatsoever, I can tell you. ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_of\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@Sock\_of\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_of_Doom)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/12 "2007-03-09T01:53:59Z")
[QUOTE=Strinka] And a non-personal part: In a couple weeks, there will be a program at Ball State University called “Can I kiss you?” According to the e-mail about it "Before you kiss, do you ask? Will it ruin the moment? Will you feel like an idiot? Most people do not ask their partner before engaging in intimacy. Yet, most individuals love and appreciate being asked first! Why? Mike Domirtz shows how ‘Asking takes away all the pressures and eliminates potential confusion & danger. By giving your partner a choice, you always respect his or her wants. Plus, it’s romantic.’ " [/QUOTE] [Mike Domirtz](http://www.canikissyou.com/) is an awesome speaker, although his books are a bit childish in my opinion. It’s a great program. I helped bring him to U of D when I did undergrad there, and he’s coming to Penn State later this month. Related to the OP, I’ve both “swooped” and asked. Both worked in different situations. The real question is what an individual makes of the asking. It could be a “that’s sweet that s/he cares,” or “that’s kinda a turn-off.” As always, YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_of\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@Sock\_of\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_of_Doom)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/13 "2007-03-09T01:56:16Z")
[QUOTE=HazelNutCoffee] I’ve never had anyone ask me before. I suppose it depends on the context, but my instinct is to say, if you have to ask, the answer will most likely be no. The best kiss in my life involved the guy yanking me around to face him then shoving me up against the nearest wall. No asking involved whatsoever, I can tell you. [/QUOTE] But what if the guy were Quasimodo’s uglier little brother? Or just some random guy? Then it’s sexual assault. It’s a fine line to walk. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/14 "2007-03-09T02:19:24Z")
I always ask. I never get laid. I am who I am. The only behavioral change I’ve managed is jerking off more often. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/15 "2007-03-09T02:21:09Z")
[QUOTE=Synthetically Organic] But what if the guy were Quasimodo’s uglier little brother? Or just some random guy? Then it’s sexual assault. It’s a fine line to walk. [/QUOTE] If the guy is going to sexually assault me, he wouldn’t ask anyway, now would he? :dubious: I’m not saying I want to be thrown against a wall every time I’m kissed. All I’m saying is, in such a situation where a kiss is hanging in the air, being asked if I want it to happen is going to turn me off. When in doubt, don’t. Or try a light peck on the lips first, to see how it’s received. I can see that some people might prefer to be asked, though. Different strokes for different folks. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/16 "2007-03-09T02:24:01Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] I always ask. I never get laid. I am who I am. The only behavioral change I’ve managed is jerking off more often. [/QUOTE] I should really amend my original claim to I _used_ to ask. Having tired of rejection, now I don’t ask or do. I wait for the right woman to come sweep me off my feet. Anyone? ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/17 "2007-03-09T02:40:55Z")
I have never asked, but I have definitely kind of made an announcement. As if it just occurred to me (which it probably did). “I’m gonna kiss you.” Grunt, snort. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/18 "2007-03-09T02:47:49Z")
I went out with a man who went on and on about what a gentleman he was, he’d always ask before kissing me because he respected me so much. uh-huh After our 3rd or 4th date, I was thinking he’d get around to asking for a kiss pretty soon and we were walking around after dinner and he suddenly grabbed my shoulders. I brought my arms up under and between his, stepping into him and was ready to put my fist in his throat and we read each others’ expressions. We both jumped back. “I was just trying to kiss you!” “I thought you said you would always ask!” We walked home in sulky silence. ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/19 "2007-03-09T07:30:14Z")
[QUOTE=araminty] We agreed, nothing was weedier than asking permission to kiss someone. [/QUOTE] I’m guessing “weedier” is Aussie slang. What does it mean? ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2007, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185/20 "2007-03-09T07:46:12Z")
I’m surprised that no one has raised the issue, yet, but on a number of college campuses in the U.S., they have instituted policies in which asking is a requirement for every stage of physical interpersonal contact. (This is supposed to cut down on the amount of date rape that goes on. I suspect that the intentions may be good, (although among some individuals they simply seem misandrist), but I am not sure how it is working out in the real world. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-i-kiss-you/395185.md?page=2)