# May Mini-Rants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 7, 2009, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668 "2009-05-07T16:26:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/61 "2009-05-11T19:10:01Z")
I’m sorry to hear of your step-kids’ loss, Dung Beetle. And yours too, with all the stuff that goes with it. I’ve been reading your posts about the kids, and I think you’re being the best Mom you can be. I hope it all gets better soon. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/62 "2009-05-11T19:30:06Z")
> [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](#): > > I’m sorry to hear of your step-kids’ loss, Dung Beetle. And yours too, with all the stuff that goes with it. I’ve been reading your posts about the kids, and I think you’re being the best Mom you can be. > I hope it all gets better soon. Thanks for the kind words, **TDG**. They helped. I’m sure it’s going to get better, I’m just not feeling too chipper today. Hey, I said I was going to do some work, didn’t I? _carries self out by scruff_ ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/63 "2009-05-11T20:36:10Z")
Neighbor kids … that reminds me. Hey neighbors! Yeah, you with the 8 kids. Your kids are kind of noisy, what with there being 8 of them plus all their friends and such, but it’s a miracle they aren’t even worse because you parents are complete assholes! Why must you blow your car horns all day and night? Go into the damned house and get the kids. Every school morning, starting at 7:15, for every truckload of kids you haul, must you honk your horn every time? At 2:00 am what are you honking for? Any time of the day or night, you can’t use your god-damned car without blowing the horn. I’m willing to bet your kids don’t even notice it anymore. You blow! Also, if you want to scold your kids, as I know you do - all day, everyday - come out of the house and go to where the kids are. I can hear you, bellowing on your front steps, loud and clear even when I’m in my basement. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/64 "2009-05-11T21:04:46Z")
I hate talking to reporters. One of these days I’m going to be “smoove” and not feel inarticulate and dumb but apparently today is not that day. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/65 "2009-05-11T21:06:38Z")
Why the fuck has my friend not returned my computer yet? Ya know, when you become seriously involved with a girl, you’re not supposed to forsake your _friends_ you douchebag. You’re supposed to forsake females, that you’re not already friends with. Just give me my computer back and I’ll let you two go back to obsessing over each other. Pussy. ---
**Author:** ![Claire\_Beauchamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ec9cab/32.png) [@Claire\_Beauchamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claire_Beauchamp)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/66 "2009-05-11T21:11:48Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > Attention people who make operating systems and other software developers: > > Whatever I am doing is the most important thing on my computer. Nothing else that’s going on is more important than what I am doing at that moment. You do not get to steal focus from what I’m doing for anything short of warning me about impending death. I truly do not give a shit that there’s a new Java update, or something is done downloading, or my daily anti-virus scanner is done running, or _anything_ other than what I am doing at the time. Will Java suddenly stop working and kill all the puppies because I didnt install this brand new update that adds an extra fucking stripe to the UI and fixes one tiny little problem out of the millions of problems Java causes on a daily basis? Fuck no. I know there’s something downloading, I fucking told you to download it. I’m working on this right now, I’ll get to it when I fucking decide to get to it. And anti-virus scanner, shut the hell up. You didn’t find any viruses. You didn’t find them yesterday, or the day before that. What you did find was a bunch of cookies from web sites I visit. I’ve told you before, they’re not dangerous. I don’t need to read a report about all these cookies you found. No, I don’t, shut the hell up. > > This goes triple for when I am typing something. Jumping Jesus on a fucking pogo stick, why the hell would you shift focus out of a window I was typing in? I might accidentally say Yes to all the fucking stupid shit you bombard me with on a daily basis, and that would suck. If I am typing or clicking or otherwise actively doing something and you switch focus to another window ever again, I will find out who was responsible for coding that particular piece, hunt you down and force feed your own slow barbecued extremities. yeah. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/67 "2009-05-11T21:58:58Z")
> [@Jodi](#): > > I hate talking to reporters. One of these days I’m going to be “smoove” and not feel inarticulate and dumb but apparently today is not that day. Can I ask why you talked to reporters? Was there a love triangle ending in a shooting at your law firm? Did the press discover pictures of you having hot, simulated sex with Ms. California? Did you find the missing proof that Obama is not really a US citizen? If it is something dull, lie. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/68 "2009-05-11T22:44:44Z")
“Congressional”? Why the fuck would I be typing Congressional? Apparently I just confused the hell out of a friend by replying to his text with “Congressional!” This is entirely the fault of whatever idiot programmed the auto-fill in for my phone. After I got to CONGR and it auto-filled I had assumed there was a brain somewhere and the algorithm would have assumed the common reply “Congratulations”, but no it seems that they feel it is more common for people to start a message with “Congressional”. and why all the way there why not “congress” first if you are going down that retarded road. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2009, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/69 "2009-05-12T00:16:29Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > If it is something dull, lie. Well in that case . . . I’m an international hostage negotiator and I have to convey counteroffers in a public forum, in code. 😉 [sub]It’s something dull.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2009, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/70 "2009-05-12T01:12:58Z")
> [@Liberal, you dickwad hypocrite - Part 2](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/liberal-you-dickwad-hypocrite-part-2/495449/145): > > Nod. Sometimes I stick around, sometimes I burn out and “take a vacation”. I don’t make a big production out of it, or do a big drama thing. I just go and when I’m in the mood I come back. Nobody gives a shit, and that’s how it should be. I come and I go, and things go on as usual. Well, now that you’ve announced your MO, I suppose we can be on watch. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2009, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/71 "2009-05-12T01:31:33Z")
> [@Jodi](#): > > I hate talking to reporters. Your best bet is to not live across the street from that really quiet guy who was sort of a loner but never bothered anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2009, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/72 "2009-05-12T17:59:16Z")
“Amazon customer support, may I help you?” “Yes, a package was delivered addressed to the previous owner, who hasn’t lived here in over five years.” “OK, can I get the order number?” “Uh…I don’t have the order number - it was addressed to the previous owner. I didn’t order it.” “Well I can’t help you without the order number.” “I can give you the address.” “I need the order number. Go ahead and open it and tell me the order number off the paper inside.” “Uh…I don’t feel comfortable opening mail not addressed to me. Isn’t that illegal?” “I can’t do anything without the order number.” Sigh. “OK, I’ve opened it, here’s the order number.” “OK, I will send you an email with a link to a return label. You’ll need to give me your account number so I can credit your account for the order.” ::incredulous:: “I. Did. Not. Order. It.” “OK, well I can’t credit your Amazon account without your account number.” “I don’t have an Amazon account. I did not order it. It was sent here by mistake. There is no account to credit.” “Do you have the account number of the person who ordered it?” ::blinking:: “Why would I have the account number of the previous owner, or of anyone who may have ordered this and had it sent to the previous owner?” “OK, well when the item is returned you will need to contact Amazon to have your account credited.” “I see. Thanks. I’ll do that. Can you send me that label now?” “OK, I’ve put in an order to have the label sent to your email. Just print that out, and on the order form inside the package be sure and list a reason why you were unsatisfied with the order in the ‘reason for return’ section. Would you like to conduct a phone survey about your customer service experience?” “Oh yes. Yes, I would.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2009, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/73 "2009-05-12T18:04:17Z")
FuckityFuck. I really need to start keeping better track of crap I’ve volunteered for. You need a newsletter by when? Saturday? Sure, I’ve got a free 12 hours this week. Fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2009, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/74 "2009-05-12T19:20:23Z")
Key line from the conference call we just had: “…so we reorganized and removed some redundancies in the operation”. No, you didn’t – you fucking well fired people. If it needed to be done, then ok, that’s the reality of business in this economy. But stop thinking giving it a different name is going to make it suck any less. Describing our former coworkers that way is fucking cowardly and insulting. ---
**Author:** ![RedRosesForMe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/91b2a8/32.png) [@RedRosesForMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedRosesForMe)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/75 "2009-05-13T07:46:35Z")
Fuck you, circadian rhythm. It’s not enough that I sometimes go through periods of insomnia or hypersomnia, but now you’ve decided to play a little trick on me to see how soon I’ll go insane. I know, I know, I decided to stay up a little later than usual to hang out at the bar for my friend’s birthday. I know this left me tired, and I ended up falling asleep extremely early the next night. But why the fuck would you decide that my new sleep pattern should include a 9PM nap instead of just letting me sleep through the damn night? Now I can’t help but fall asleep in the early evenings if I’m not otherwise occupied and then **wake up at midnight!** And you won’t let me go back to normal if I do manage to avoid the evening nap! So now I’m stuck napping from 7-ish to midnight, and then napping again from 6AM to noon. That fucks everything up! I have to drag myself up in the middle of a sleep cycle to get to work on Tuesdays, and end up exhausted during the dinner rush at work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Not to mention trying to make it through class Monday and Thursday night. Fuck off. However, I did just look up the wiki entry for circadian rhythm to get some ideas for resetting my ridiculous clock, and came upon this line: “For temperature studies, people must remain awake but calm and semi-reclined in near darkness while their rectal temperatures are taken continuously.” That made me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/76 "2009-05-13T10:15:31Z")
I love Pixar movies. They are consistently wonderful. In a couple of weeks, the latest Pixar masterpiece “Up” will be released in US cinemas. A couple of weeks later, Russia, Mexico, USA, Singapore, Argentina, Romania, Venezuela, New Zealand, and even the Ukraine will all have it in their cinemas. When is it getting released in Australia? September. After Greece, Egypt, France, Estonia, Portugal, Spain, Czech Republic, and Iceland all get it before us. Now, on the one hand, this is consistent with every other Pixar release for the last ten years. But on the other hand - ARGH!! Worldwide Release for cool movies, PLEEEEEASE!!! ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/77 "2009-05-13T13:10:37Z")
Dear [hotels.com](http://hotels.com) representative: No, I am not making a reservation in Washington, Dizzy. It’s Washington, D.C. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/78 "2009-05-13T20:08:02Z")
This must be a sign of advancing age (FTR I’m 39) because I find myself becoming increasingly annoyed by listening to the speech habits of other people, especially younger people, such as the table full of teenagers that will inevitably be sitting at a nearby table when we go out for a late night eat and will be impossible to ignore. Every third word (or so, it seems) is “like”, as in: "Oh, Brad, he’s _like_ ‘I’m not going out with you, because I’m _like_ hooking up with Brenda’ and she’s _like_ a total slut, I mean, _like_ I’m just thinking, you’re so lame, so I’m _like_ talking to Mindy and she’s _like_, “Oh, Brad, yeah, he’s…” Each time I hear a “like” it’s as if someone were jabbing me in the shoulder with their elbow. It’s not painful, just annoying as hell. What’s worse is when I hear adults, people my age and older, talking in this fashion. I almost expect to hear it from a teenager, but an adult should have his or her speech habits refined so as to exclude such unnecessary verbiage. ---
**Author:** ![Rack-a-Bones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rack-a-Bones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rack-a-Bones)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/79 "2009-05-13T22:40:02Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > “Amazon customer support, may I help you?” > “Yes, a package was delivered addressed to the previous owner, who hasn’t lived here in over five years.” > “OK, can I get the order number?” > > \ > > Would you like to conduct a phone survey about your customer service experience?" > “Oh yes. Yes, I would.” Holy shit man. That is sad to me. When I worked at Amazon in customer support you would have never encountered that bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668/80 "2009-05-13T23:53:14Z")
Morbo, you should have just said, “I swear to GOD!” and gotten yourself transferred to the marginally more competent supervisor. Worked for me. > [@dwc1970](#): > > Each time I hear a “like” it’s as if someone were jabbing me in the shoulder with their elbow. It’s not painful, just annoying as hell. You’ll be heartened to know that, when my students do oral reports, I tell them I’m deducting 1 point for each phatic “like” they use. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/may-mini-rants/495668.md?page=5)