# "Maybe Attending" Muppets (Facebook) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 12, 2009, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610 "2009-06-12T22:32:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/41 "2009-06-16T15:36:52Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Since you aren’t required to indicate yes/no/maybe upon reading the invitation, why not just scroll down a few inches and see who has replied “yes”? Then you’d be able to accurately predict who will be attending or not. Because then he’d be utilizing an EVIL SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE and clearly would be a bad friend. Don’t you know anything? Gosh. I’m 23. Everyone invites everyone to everything in two ways: Facebook and mass text message. You usually get a Facebook invite, then a mass text a few minutes later. We don’t use FB for “Hey inner group of friends, come eat dinner at my house tonight!”- that’s just a thing you send a quick text for. FB gets used mostly for birthday parties, going away parties, etc. General, big events where there will be beer and maybe burgers. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/42 "2009-06-16T15:38:03Z")
**Shalmanese** , why not use Facebook to \*ask \*people for their phone numbers, addresses, or email addresses, and then use those better means of communication? ETA: And if I’m understanding you correctly, your friend was incredibly rude to invite more people than she knew would fit in her planned venue. What if everyone had said “yes”? Would she have retracted her invitation to some of them? ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/43 "2009-06-16T15:47:10Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > I have high standards for my friends. One of which is that they actually communicate with me. That is, with me, not with my WhateverSocialNetworkingService username, and especially not through mass means. If I’m not important enough to get a 30 second e-mail (not bcc’ed) or a telephone call, then they’re not important enough to get a few hours of my time. I’ve got better things to do than hang out with people with no sense of etiquette. > > Once upon a time, the honor of being invited to receive someone else’s hospitality involved an actual invitation, not a mass-sent electronic bleat. Meanwhile back in Reality™, people use new communications technologies without getting any old fart cranky about it. “OH NO, I got a wedding invitation that was clearly done by a professional printer and an exact copy of the invitation everyone else got! Obviously the senders are not good enough friends for me.” That’s what you sound like. Seriously, what on earth is the difference between “everyone gets the exact same message” snail mail and “everyone gets the exact same message” e-mail except that the former costs forty cents a pop and kills a few more trees? Also, I second the “why do you (the generic one) even HAVE a Facebook user name if you don’t want to actually keep in touch with people using it?” ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/44 "2009-06-16T15:49:17Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > **Shalmanese** , why not use Facebook to \*ask \*people for their phone numbers, addresses, or email addresses, and then use those better means of communication? > > ETA: And if I’m understanding you correctly, your friend was incredibly rude to invite more people than she knew would fit in her planned venue. What if everyone had said “yes”? Would she have retracted her invitation to some of them? Now I’m actually curious about the “proper” way to say “hey, I have this place on the beach where we can hang for a weekend, but it only has X beds and I have X+8 friends I wouldn’t mind hanging out with there.” In my particular circles, a mass invite of that type with a First-come-first-served provision is considered the appropriate way to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/45 "2009-06-16T15:52:55Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I thought the British term was _moppet_, and then Muppet was a portmanteau of \*moppet \*and puppet? According to [dictionary.com](http://dictionary.com), it’s a portmanteau between m(arionette) and (p)uppet. That’s definition 1. Definition 2 is “a stupid person”. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/46 "2009-06-16T15:58:17Z")
**Zeriel** , I think \*\*tumbleddown \*\*was specifically reacting to someone else’s snooty “People who don’t RSVP with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to Facebook invitations are rude” with a "People who think Facebook invitations are formal enough to expect a definite ‘yes’ or ‘no’ are just as rude. As to your post in response to mine… I think it would be okay to do an event like that as first-come, first-served _if you specified it as such in the invitation_. The fact that **Shalmanese** ’s friend was worried that too many people would say yes tells me it probably wasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/47 "2009-06-16T16:29:29Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > **Shalmanese** , why not use Facebook to \*ask \*people for their phone numbers, addresses, or email addresses, and then use those better means of communication? FYI: If you click the gigantic “Friends” link at the top of every single Facebook page, it’ll take you to a list of your friends. There’s another gigantic “Phonebook” link on the left side of the page. Clicking this brings you to a list of all of your friends, and a phone number for them (if they’ve entered it). A quick scan of my friends indicates that only one of them has refrained from providing this information. The vast majority of them are mobile numbers. I can also find addresses and e-mails for most of them as well via Facebook. > [@Shalmanese](#): > > It’s a great platform ruined by some awful social etiquette. :shrug: An informal invitation begets an informal response. If you want to validate your guest list, then you should try following up with them, and/or making your invitation much clearer that you need a definite response. If that’s too much, then treating “Maybe” responses as “No” responses would be the first thing I’d adopt. Any “Maybe” that shows up is not guaranteed food/a seat/etc. Print out your invitation and highlight where you say, “Please do not respond with a “Maybe” - I need to be able to accurately plan for this. Thank you in advance.” ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/48 "2009-06-16T16:32:05Z")
Applause for **Munch**. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/49 "2009-06-16T16:33:52Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > Also, I second the “why do you (the generic one) even HAVE a Facebook user name if you don’t want to actually keep in touch with people using it?” At a wild guess, so people will STFU and quit nagging about why you don’t have a Facebook account and OMG they can’t seeeennnnndddd you thinnnnnggggssss. Oh noes! As someone who sees absolutely zero appeal in Facebook and thus doesn’t have one, I get very, very tired of patiently explaining to people that they can indeed send me things. On my email. If they haven’t got my email, well, there’s probably a reason for that. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/50 "2009-06-16T16:38:03Z")
Lisa: Dad, what’s a Muppet? Homer: Well, it’s not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man… (laughs wildly)… So, to answer you question, I don’t know. Now seriously, the way to ask eight (or however many) of your friends if they’re available over the phone is to call them on the phone and ask them if they’re available. However many people say so, call that amount of friends and ask them if they want to go. Etc. If you can’t find enough people, then nobody likes you. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/51 "2009-06-16T16:49:05Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > **Zeriel** , I think \*\*tumbleddown \*\*was specifically reacting to someone else’s snooty “People who don’t RSVP with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to Facebook invitations are rude” … It is not snooty to expect a definite response promptly after tendering the invitation. What is snooty is the “I’m not going to answer, because maybe something better will come along (although I would just break the plans anyway) but, at the same time, if I’ve miscalculated, I don’t want to lose the option” non-response. And let’s be frank, it is _this_ that explains why people say “Maybe.” Not the cockamamie malarkey about “Won’t the hosts just be absolutely devastated if I say I can’t make it?!?!” and how saying “Maybe” will spare them that heartbreak. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/52 "2009-06-16T16:57:20Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Lisa: Dad, what’s a Muppet? > Homer: Well, it’s not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man… (laughs wildly)… So, to answer you question, I don’t know. > > Now seriously, the way to ask eight (or however many) of your friends if they’re available over the phone is to call them on the phone and ask them if they’re available. **However many people say so** , call that amount of friends and ask them if they want to go. Etc. If you can’t find enough people, then nobody likes you. I meant however many people say _no_. (Quoting myself seems so unnatural.) ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/53 "2009-06-16T17:20:07Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > It is not snooty to expect a definite response promptly after tendering the invitation. What is snooty is the “I’m not going to answer, because maybe something better will come along (although I would just break the plans anyway) but, at the same time, if I’ve miscalculated, I don’t want to lose the option” non-response. > > And let’s be frank, it is _this_ that explains why people say “Maybe.” Not the cockamamie malarkey about “Won’t the hosts just be absolutely devastated if I say I can’t make it?!?!” and how saying “Maybe” will spare them that heartbreak. It’s snooty to expect a \*definite and timely \*response when you use a \*casual \*means of invitation that \*allows for \*a “maybe” response. And let’s be frank–there are plenty of people who say “maybe” because they have other tentative plans already and aren’t sure how they’re going to firm up. ---
**Author:** ![metonymic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@metonymic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/metonymic)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/54 "2009-06-16T17:55:02Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > I don’t actually have any problem with electronic invitations for most things, but it’s pretty dumb to assume that people will use them exactly the way you would use them. > > > [@metonymic](#): > > > > Incidentally, this thread makes me feel a little better. Last year, one of my friends invited people to her wedding via facebook. I don’t use facebook much and I missed the wedding. Arghh! > > For real? Sheesh! Yeah! I felt so bad when I found out I’d missed it. I must have seemed like a real asshole, since I probably RSVP’d ‘yes’, too. (I don’t actually remember rsvp-ing since I’d assumed it was just the first announcement and the “real” invite was going to arrive in the mail at some future date, but I was really looking forward to it so I would have chosen ‘yes’ if anything!) Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/55 "2009-06-16T17:55:50Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > **Shalmanese** , why not use Facebook to \*ask \*people for their phone numbers, addresses, or email addresses, and then use those better means of communication? Because if I needed those, I would have gotten them. There are some close friends I’ve known for months before needing to ask for their phone number. We travel in the same social circles so we’ll see each other once or twice a week anyway, if I ever need to tell them something, I’ll do it through facebook. It’s only when I need to co-ordinate something that I’ll ask for their number. > [@](#): > > ETA: And if I’m understanding you correctly, your friend was incredibly rude to invite more people than she knew would fit in her planned venue. What if everyone had said “yes”? Would she have retracted her invitation to some of them? I’ve never seen an event with a 100% acceptance rate, people are out of town or have work or prior commitments, 30% is about typical. Usually, the way I’ve seen it done is you first invite maybe twice as many people as will fit in a venue, wait for some responses to gauge interest and then invite a few more to fill up the extras. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/56 "2009-06-16T18:00:52Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > It’s snooty to expect a \*definite and timely \*response when you use a \*casual \*means of invitation that \*allows for \*a “maybe” response. > > And let’s be frank–there are plenty of people who say “maybe” because they have other tentative plans already and aren’t sure how they’re going to firm up. Your experience with facebook will differ from mine and that’s fine as long as we both acknowledge that. In my world, facebook isn’t considered casual at all. I’ve been invited to a wedding via facebook, I’ve had friends be invited to funerals via facebook. If the thought of that horrifies you, the so be it but it’s the reality in my world. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/57 "2009-06-16T18:02:52Z")
Regardless of whether you’ll actually have a 100% acceptance rate, once you’ve extended the invitation, it can’t be retracted without being very rude. As the host, it is your job to invite no more people than you can actually accomodate or afford; if that means you have to stagger your invitation in such a way that the B list doesn’t get an invite until you get a certain number of "no"s from the A list, so be it–as long as the B list doesn’t know they’re second-choice. ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/58 "2009-06-17T00:41:51Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Once upon a time, the honor of being invited to receive someone else’s hospitality carried with it the obligation promptly (i.e., within 24 hours) to reply with a definite yes or no. All this quite without any formula on the invite indicating that a response was anticipated from the potential guest! Once upon a time, invitations to receive someone else’s hospitality didn’t usually read “Hey, a bunch of us decided to throw a party at our place on Saturday night just for the hell of it. Show up anytime after seven and bring as many fun people as you can rustle up. Oh, and you’d best bring some beer, because otherwise you’ll have to settle for doing shots of that dusty 15-yr-old bottle of creme de menthe we found in the basement.” The world has become a more casual place, overall, and this is particularly true among my age group and social circle. Unless the invitation itself indicates that the event requires the formality of a proper RSVP, everyone in my world works on the assumption that the “Maybe” option is perfectly acceptable. It’s generally understood that if anyone in particular absolutely, positively needs to be there barring illness/death/loss of limb, this will also be specified. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/59 "2009-06-17T11:31:36Z")
I wish people would stop dropping the label “passive aggressive” on people for pretty much anything. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/60 "2009-06-17T13:26:46Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > At a wild guess, so people will STFU and quit nagging about why you don’t have a Facebook account and OMG they can’t seeeennnnndddd you thinnnnnggggssss. Oh noes! > > As someone who sees absolutely zero appeal in Facebook and thus doesn’t have one, I get very, very tired of patiently explaining to people that they can indeed send me things. On my email. If they haven’t got my email, well, there’s probably a reason for that. This is a sign that you need to kick the whiners to the curb, if you ask me (says the guy who resisted literal years of WHY AREN’T YOU ON MYSPACEEEE (because your page gives me migraines, numbnuts) and WHY DON’T YOU UPDATE YOUR LIVEJOURNAAAAAAL (because I’m not a whiny college prick any more)). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610.md?page=4)