# "Maybe Attending" Muppets (Facebook) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 12, 2009, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610 "2009-06-12T22:32:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/61 "2009-06-17T18:46:29Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > If you have a real event with a carefully-chosen guest list, don’t use Facebook. It’s irritating. YMMV. Exactly this. Use Evite, an email list, or even \ the telephone to ask people if they are coming. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/62 "2009-06-18T00:23:46Z")
> [@neuroman](#): > > Exactly this. Use Evite, an email list, or even \ the telephone to ask people if they are coming. How is Evite or an email list any better than Facebook? I honestly don’t understand this. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/63 "2009-06-18T01:01:59Z")
I myself would never whine because people indicated an interest in being in touch with me. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/64 "2009-06-18T01:20:16Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > At a wild guess, so people will STFU and quit nagging about why you don’t have a Facebook account and OMG they can’t seeeennnnndddd you thinnnnnggggssss. Oh noes! > > As someone who sees absolutely zero appeal in Facebook and thus doesn’t have one, I get very, very tired of patiently explaining to people that they can indeed send me things. On my email. If they haven’t got my email, well, there’s probably a reason for that. I have the _exact_ same conversation with people, and it gets tiring. “So, are you on Facebook?” “Nope.” “Ok, well, I’ll add you and then… wait, what?” “I’m not on Facebook.” Stunned silence. An owl hoots somewhere in the distance. A tumbleweed blows across the road. Not having Facebook contributes to the ongoing march of International Communism, apparently. > [@MsWhatsit](#): > > How is Evite or an email list any better than Facebook? I honestly don’t understand this. I can only posit that it’s because there’s a small element of personalisation in an e-mail from someone you know; ie “This message has been sent to me, and it’s in my inbox. The sender had to manually add my address and send the e-mail. I feel special.” Whereas quite literally 1,000 people could be reading the same invite on someone’s Facebook page, so it makes the recipient (potentially) feel like an anonymous part of Social McButterfly’s Friend-Padding Fanclub and not a valued friend. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/65 "2009-06-18T04:15:05Z")
No muppets in the thread, so I guess my original disinclination to open it (on account of it mentioned Facebook) was the correct path for me. Too bad for me that I didn’t stay on it. ☹ P.S. When come back, bring Muppets. 😛 No, I don’t want anyone to “explain” social networkig sites to me. I’m going to go outside and mine my front lawn with the dog turds from the back, to save myself the trouble of yelling at kids to stay off of it. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/66 "2009-06-18T06:21:00Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I thought the British term was _moppet_, and then Muppet was a portmanteau of \*moppet \*and puppet? Well, the later link seems to say that it is a portmanteau word, but I’ve never heard moppet used, whereas muppet is really, really common. @Shot From Guns: if you’re inviting people to your house for dinner, as the OP is, then you probably will have their mobile/cell numbers at least. It’s not like an invite to a party of 20+ people who are also bringing guests. It’s a lot more personal. ---
**Author:** ![maplekiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@maplekiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maplekiwi)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/67 "2009-06-18T06:25:09Z")
My daughter used facebook for her 21st invite. We won’t be using it for my son’s one (in 4 and a half years time) Its too vague. & she accidentally invited a boy she didn’t like. (no I don’t understand why you would have someone you don’t like on your Facebook page either) Next time we’ll email people (with print invites for those dinosaurs who don’t have computers. ) ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/68 "2009-06-18T06:40:42Z")
> [@scifisam2009](#): > > Well, the later link seems to say that it is a portmanteau word, but I’ve never heard moppet used, whereas muppet is really, really common. The term “Muppet” (in relation to someone who was a bit stupid) was quite common when I was growing up in NZ, too. Also “Muggins” in reference to someone (usually the speaker, or someone very familiar to everyone involved) being roped into something they’d rather not do. (“So she decided she wanted to go to see a show tonight, and Muggins here has to do all the housework on his own because his aunt and uncle are coming to visit tomorrow morning.”) ---
**Author:** ![Hrududu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Hrududu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hrududu)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/69 "2009-06-18T10:55:09Z")
Aww I love the word “muggins” I really don’t hear it enough these days. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/70 "2009-06-18T13:21:35Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > How is Evite or an email list any better than Facebook? I honestly don’t understand this. Because e-mail is simply more direct. Many people have disabled Facebook notifications, and the only way they would get the invitation is when they log on to Facebook (which would, for the vast majority of people, be less frequent than checking e-mail). > [@Martini Enfield](#): > > Whereas quite literally 1,000 people could be reading the same invite on someone’s Facebook page, so it makes the recipient (potentially) feel like an anonymous part of Social McButterfly’s Friend-Padding Fanclub and not a valued friend. Huh? You don’t get an invitation by reading someone’s profile page - you get it because it’s been sent to \*your \*Facebook profile page. But since you’re not on Facebook, maybe it’s best to refrain from commenting on the interface, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/71 "2009-06-18T14:12:25Z")
> [@Hrududu](#): > > Aww I love the word “muggins” I really don’t hear it enough these days. Clearly you need to play more cribbage. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/72 "2009-06-18T15:11:17Z")
“Maybe attending” is useful when you honestly don’t know if you’ll be able to be there or not–you’re not sure about work schedules, or a babysitter, or whatever. In that case, I think it’s important to leave an explanation of the “maybe” and to change it to a more definite reply as soon as you know for sure. If it’s still “Maybe Attending” at the time of the event, that’s just wrong. Of course, I have the flakiest group of friends in the history of the world, and I’m usually lucky if I can get a “maybe” out of them. They’ll usually show up when I throw a party, but they won’t say they’ll be there for sure until they’re in the car on the way over. I don’t know why I attract such people, but I always have. (To be fair, a lot of them have kids these days, and they hate to be definitive when last-minute illnesses and flaky babysitters are in the mix.) I have no idea why I attract such people, but I always have. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/73 "2009-06-18T15:30:44Z")
Nonsense, **DoctorJ**. Clearly, they all attracted _YOU_. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/74 "2009-06-18T18:11:15Z")
In another way though, email is less intimate. On facebook, you can see that you’re part of a select group who received this invite wheras with email, if everybody’s name is BCCed, you don’t know if you’re going to an event for 5 or 50 people. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/75 "2009-06-18T18:14:10Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > In another way though, email is less intimate. On facebook, you can see that you’re part of a select group who received this invite wheras with email, if everybody’s name is BCCed, you don’t know if you’re going to an event for 5 or 50 people. Presumably, they’re only using BCC if a large number of people are being invited. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/76 "2009-06-19T01:28:06Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Huh? You don’t get an invitation by reading someone’s profile page - you get it because it’s been sent to \*your \*Facebook profile page. But since you’re not on Facebook, maybe it’s best to refrain from commenting on the interface, eh? My wife uses it and some of her friends put stuff like that on _their_ page, on the assumption that everyone is going to read it anyway. They don’t always send out specific invites- they just change their status message to “… Is having a party next weekend” and just let anyone who is interested read the details themselves. I can’t believe people get invited to _weddings_ via Facebook- that’s taking informality a bit too far, I think. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/77 "2009-06-19T06:42:14Z")
I find that getting invited to a wedding via Facebook is the same as being invited by the local newspaper. People you really want to come get individual invites. The rest is just to fill the location/not leave anybody out. And it seems that Facebook is a at a different level in different social circles. In mine, it’s assumed that, if you have a Facebook, you check it at least once a day, unless you’ve posted an out-of-town message on your status. Heck, I know people who have Facebook but don’t have email (don’t know how they pull that off, though.) And almost everyone has Facebook hooked up to their cellphone. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/78 "2009-06-19T11:21:44Z")
You have to have email address to register for facebook, but I understand that someone can never actually check their email. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/79 "2009-06-19T15:23:20Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > If you feel that actual communication with your friends is not possible via a social networking service, then why in the world are you signed up with the social networking service in the first place? I believe that a certain level of communication is possible via certain social networking sites, but that it doesn’t take the place of cultivating _individual_ and _personal_ communication on a one-on-level. > [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Also, your complaint that if you are going to be invited somewhere, then an email is acceptable, but only if not cc’ed to other people is frankly weird. Do you feel similarly slighted if you get a paper invitation in the mail that has been pre-printed and sent to multiple people? I phrased that poorly. I don’t mind a mass e-mail invitation to an informal event. I mind being invited to things via mass-sent electronic messages by people who don’t have the time, willingness or wherewithal to occasionally communicate with _me_, individually, conversing about the sorts of things that friends do. In other words, if you’re going to stick me on your bcc “come to my movie/bowling/board game/pizza party night” list, I’d better also be on your radar of “people I actually keep in touch with beyond group events” list. E-mail _me_ once in a while, or chat with me on IM, and know what’s going on in my life. In other words, be an _actual_ friend, not the pastiche of friendship created by social networking sites labeling passing acquaintances that way. (Someone who doesn’t know where you live, who you live with, what you do for a living, or other basic facts about you? Not a friend. Not even an electronic one.) > [@Munch](#): > > :shrug: An informal invitation begets an informal response. If you want to validate your guest list, then you should try following up with them, and/or making your invitation much clearer that you need a definite response. This is what I’m getting at. If something you’re planning needs a certain level of concreteness (due to space concerns, purchasing enough food, arranging transportation) then relying on the “come to my thing” and “yes, no, maybe” mechanism of Facebook invitations is insufficient, especially with people who are ostensibly important enough to be invited to this thing to begin with. You can’t cultivate real life social relationships via online form-clicky laziness. You have to put some effort into it. If someone you want at your event is still a “maybe” when you have to go buy the food or start making final arrangements, don’t rant about their indecision, _talk to them and get a direct answer_. This is not rocket surgery. > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > **Zeriel** , I think \*\*tumbleddown \*\*was specifically reacting to someone else’s snooty “People who don’t RSVP with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to Facebook invitations are rude” with a "People who think Facebook invitations are formal enough to expect a definite ‘yes’ or ‘no’ are just as rude. Yes, I was, thank you. Also, I’ve got to say that the definition of “close friend” is stretched pretty thin if your _only_ means of contacting a “close” friend is via a website that could disappear into thin air tomorrow. (I’d say, if it weren’t Facebook that “close friend” could also delete themselves from the site tomorrow, but since it’s easier to self-remove an organ with a steak knife than delete an FB account, that doesn’t apply.) If someone is really close and important to you and you value their friendship, why in the world wouldn’t you know their e-mail address or phone number or AIM name or some way to keep in touch with them if one or both of you are unable to be at the computer for a period of time, or if Facebook gets DDOSed and is offline for a week? If someone claimed deep affinity for me but couldn’t be bothered to cultivate any signifiers of a relationship with me beyond a specific social networking platform, I’d question the depth of that friendship very significantly. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610/80 "2009-06-19T17:19:21Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > This is what I’m getting at. If something you’re planning needs a certain level of concreteness (due to space concerns, purchasing enough food, arranging transportation) then relying on the “come to my thing” and “yes, no, maybe” mechanism of Facebook invitations is insufficient, especially with people who are ostensibly important enough to be invited to this thing to begin with. You can’t cultivate real life social relationships via online form-clicky laziness. You have to put some effort into it. If someone you want at your event is still a “maybe” when you have to go buy the food or start making final arrangements, don’t rant about their indecision, _talk to them and get a direct answer_. This is not rocket surgery. Very yes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-attending-muppets-facebook/499610.md?page=5)