# Maybe hell's cool! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 3, 1999, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739 "1999-07-03T18:38:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/1 "1999-07-04T05:33:00Z")
Since history is written by the victors who says that Heaven is the good place and Hell the bad? * * * Thor ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 1999, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/2 "1999-07-03T18:38:00Z")
Well, there is certainly a running humor theme that more fun will be had in hell. After all, who really dreams of sitting around on clouds playing harps? Which reminds me of why I believe that the LDS (Mormon) church holds such appeal for so many (growing by leaps and bounds, doncha know). It’s because it’s the only religion _I_ have ever heard of that basically promises that after death nothing will change…NOT EVEN SEX! You still get to screw your spouse’s brains out. Which, while it might not be QUITE as much fun as screwing everyone’s brains out, certainly beats sitting around on clouds and playing harps, eh? * * * Stoidela **Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!** ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 1999, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/3 "1999-07-03T19:05:00Z")
I’m going to hell because all my friends are gonna be there. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 1999, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/4 "1999-07-03T19:27:00Z")
I’d much rather go to Hell because of the possibility of career advancement. In addition, Heaven will probably be full of the sort of religious dunderhead that is bound to take great offense at this thread and join in with things like “I can’t believe you aren’t taking this seriously, Hell is REAL”. PS Succubi = gorgeous; cherubim = underage. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 1999, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/5 "1999-07-03T20:03:00Z")
“If it’s heaven for climate, it’s hell for company.” –James M. Barrie ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 1999, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/6 "1999-07-03T21:34:00Z")
Plus we’re going to have hot dogs and marshmallows in Hell. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 1999, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/7 "1999-07-03T21:51:00Z")
I’ll bring the beer! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 1999, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/8 "1999-07-03T23:00:00Z")
I saw the _South Park_ movie this weekend, and in a particular scene in which Kenny dies, two signs are shown: The first reads “Heaven, Pop. 1,656”; the second reads “Hell, Pop. 923,769,879” or some similarly outrageous number which is growing by leaps and bounds every second. Got a kick out of that. Oh, and Hell’s residents included Hussein, Hitler, George Burns and Gandhi. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/9 "1999-07-04T01:26:00Z")
[quote] In addition, Heaven will probably be full of the sort of religious dunderhead that is bound to take great offense at this thread and join in with things like “I can’t believe you aren’t taking this seriously, Hell is REAL”. [quote/] ``` Ummmm, yea, it's too obvious, even for ME. But Stoidela mentioned something that caught my eye. She says, ``` [quote] It’s because it’s the only religion _I_ have ever heard of that basically promises that after death nothing will change…NOT EVEN SEX! [quote] Is that really what they believe? That nothing will change? Pshhh. Yet they deny that they’re a cult. Adam ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/10 "1999-07-04T02:34:00Z")
Arg: Well, I take issue with you calling them a “cult”, and I’d be interested in knowing how you define that word. However odd their brand may be, they ARE Chritians, just like you and a zillion other people. They believe that Jesus is their savior. They just happen to believe a whole bunch of additional stuff besides. But as for the particulars of Mormon theology, yeah, if you do everythign according to plan, you get to reunited with your spouse in heaven, re-enter your physical body, and pretty much pick up where you left off. Tha’ts the whole point of the serious ritual of Mormon marriage…you are married here AND in the afterlife. unless you get divorced… But delve deeper and things REALLY get interesting. If thing go REALLY well for you in Mormon-Land, YOU TOO can become an all-powerful diety, and you and your spouse can do your thing and have spirit children, and populate your very own planet with them! Isnt’ that neat? Find me a religion with better promises than THAT, I dare ya! * * * Stoidela **Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!** ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/11 "1999-07-04T03:58:00Z")
Not to interrupt another Mormon - Anti-Mormon slug fest, or anything… But I’ve never understood why Satan is interested in punishing evil doers. If He’s evil, wouldn’t he reward sinners? Wouldn’t He be more interested in punishing good people? I mean, Hitler may be in Hell, but he’s _got_ to be one of the TOP guys down there. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/12 "1999-07-04T04:54:00Z")
Well, let’s just call Mormonism a “false religion.” I’m not sure who started calling LDS, JW, Scientologists…and tons of other little religions, “cults.” But that’s what I’ve heard in every church I’ve ever been to. But I’m not here to bash the church of LDS. They’re confused enough as it is. ``` Aseymayo says: "But I've never understood why Satan is interested in punishing evil ``` doers. If He’s evil, wouldn’t he reward sinners? Wouldn’t He be more interested in punishing good people? I mean, Hitler may be in Hell, but he’s got to be one of the TOP guys down there." ``` I think it may help you to know that it's not Satan who punishes evil doers. It's God. Satan loves it when people sin. It's what he lives for. His hates all people. And he hates us all with the same degree. He has no favorites. If you're human, he wants you dead. A common misconception is that Satan is the "big boss" of hell. This is not true. Satan actually resides here on earth. The Bible says that Satan is the god of this world. He is Christ's chief adversary. ``` Hell is actually the place made to punish Satan. In the end times, Satan will be thrown into the “lake of burning sulfer.” He will not rule there. Like all sinners, he will be “tormented day and night, forever.” So there is no heirarchy in hell. No big bosses, no top guys. It’s a place of eternal punishment. Hope that helps clear things up a bit. 🙂 Adam ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/13 "1999-07-04T05:04:00Z")
If it’s so easy for God to toss Satan into the lake of burning sulphur, there to suffer for all eternity, why wait? Why not just do it now and leave the way clear for Jesus so he won’t HAVE an adversary? Oh…wait…I forgot about God’s penchant for mind games and tests… never mind. * * * Stoidela **Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!** ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/14 "1999-07-04T06:19:00Z")
Stoid asks: > [@](#): > > If it’s so easy for God to toss Satan into the lake of burning sulphur, > there to suffer for all eternity, why wait? Why not just do it now and > leave the way clear for Jesus so he won’t HAVE an adversary? ``` Well, that's an EXCELLENT question Stoidela. Who knows why God has waited this long. He's God right? He COULD have come back during the Dark Ages, or whenever He wanted to. My best (and simple) guess, is that He's giving us as much time as possible, before He comes to take us home. But I hope He comes soon, cause I'm itching to get to heaven. :) ``` ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/15 "1999-07-04T07:42:00Z")
> [@](#): > > But I hope He comes soon, cause I’m itching to get to heaven. Do you have any idea how creepy that sounds? And don’t you think you oughta appreciate the gift of life that He gave you instead of being in such a goldurned rush to shuck it off and bail to the promised land? Seems a mite ungrateful if you ask me. * * * Stoidela **Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!** ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/16 "1999-07-04T12:42:00Z")
Script as follows: ARG220: But I hope He comes soon, cause I’m itching to get to Heaven. (Smiles) ## Person driven crazy by aboves repeated slurs on others religious beliefs: Well now, I’ve got just the thing to take care of that itch! (Chambers round in gun) sosumi ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/17 "1999-07-04T15:23:00Z")
Why does it sound creepy that I want to go to heaven? Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to die just yet. (I’m not scared of death though) I want to finish college, get married, have kids…etc. But as beautiful as life is here on earth sometimes, it’s nothing compared to heaven. Wouldn’t you agree? ``` And I appreciate, and thank God for the life He's given me. But as I said, it's not exactly heaven, if you know what I mean. ``` Adam ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/18 "1999-07-04T15:25:00Z")
Hey, as far as I’m concerned, all theistic religions and most nontheistic ones are both false and cults. So, it appears to be a matter of perspective, huh? Anyway, anyone over the age of 10 who still believes in hell is obviously incapable of the most tenuous skills in critical thinking. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/19 "1999-07-04T15:53:00Z")
> [@](#): > > But as beautiful as life is here on earth sometimes, it’s nothing compared to > heaven. Wouldn’t you agree? > > ``` > And I appreciate, and thank God for the life He's given me. But as I said, it's not exactly heaven, if you know what I mean. > > ``` No, I dont’ know what you mean, and how can I agree with you when even you dont’ know what you’re talking about. You’ve never been to heaven, have you? You’ve been told about it…by people who have also never been there. And that aside, I find the agony and teh ecstasy of life utterly heavenly. Perfection. I’d live forever if I could. * * * Stoidela **Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!** ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 1999, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739/20 "1999-07-04T16:19:00Z")
Sorry ARG, have to inject a little reality here. You asked above: > [@](#): > > Well, let’s just call Mormonism a “false religion.” I’m not sure who started calling LDS, JW, Scientologists…and tons of other little religions, “cults.” But that’s what I’ve heard in every church I’ve ever been to. You’ve got no argument from me on Scientology. But LDS and JW being “cults”? Quite honestly, dear, the same could be said about you and other Pentecostal Christians. Seems like a cult to me. No questioning of authority, trying to convert everyone… And I’m with Stoidela on the whole heaven thing. You don’t know what heaven is like, only what other people have told you. And no matter what trials I have had in this life (and there have been plenty…), I’d prefer being here to being in heaven. Especially if I had to be up there for eternity with people like you. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-hells-cool/1739.md?page=2)