# Maybe I'll lose weight. Maybe I'll gain inhuman monkey strength. Maybe I'll go nuts. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 9, 2006, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020 "2006-06-09T04:03:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2006, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/1 "2006-06-09T04:03:52Z")
[Maybe I’ll lose weight. Maybe I’ll gain superhuman monkey strength. Maybe I’ll go crazy.](http://www.angryman.ca/monkey.html) ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2006, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/2 "2006-06-09T13:07:52Z")
Monkey-like Attributes: monkey stink Thanks for sharing. That made my morning. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2006, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/3 "2006-06-09T13:39:45Z")
I read this yesterday. It sounds promising if it works, but he should probably supplement it with fresh fruit and vegetables. You know, like monkeys in zoos get to. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2006, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/4 "2006-06-09T14:08:33Z")
> [@](#): > > Maybe I’ll lose weight. Maybe I’ll gain inhuman monkey strength. Maybe I’ll go nuts. First draft of “Hard Candy Christmas”? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2006, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/5 "2006-06-09T20:30:04Z")
Thanks for the heads-up; that was hilarious. And as for the OP, two outta three ain’t bad! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2006, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/6 "2006-06-09T20:56:52Z")
“Inhuman Monkey Strength” No way can I type that without laughing! I think we have a new catchphrase. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2006, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/7 "2006-06-09T21:11:27Z")
“Bachelor chow.” hee hee… ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2006, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/8 "2006-06-10T00:15:52Z")
That needs to be Weird Earl. ---
**Author:** ![Cherry2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cherry2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cherry2000)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2006, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/9 "2006-06-10T03:30:47Z")
BF and I are waiting for the where the only entry is, “Monkey hate clean”. I’m laughing so hard at this thing I’m crying. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2006, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/10 "2006-06-10T03:51:39Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > I read this yesterday. It sounds promising if it works, but he should probably supplement it with fresh fruit and vegetables. You know, like monkeys in zoos get to. He says the bag of Monkey Chow specifically says not to do that. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2006, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/11 "2006-06-10T05:01:08Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > He says the bag of Monkey Chow specifically says not to do that. I’m surprised that any zoo would withold fruit from monkeys. Isn’t that what they live for? Maybe MonkeyBoy needs additional foodstuffs beyond what the chow provides, since he’s not a monkey. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2006, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/12 "2006-06-10T05:23:22Z")
Well apparently all the people who work at zoos who emailed him told him that they fed their monkeys fruit, but he decided to keep to his original plan since he wanted to go “by the book” or rather, “by the bag”. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2006, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/13 "2006-06-10T08:17:34Z")
The bag also says the food is suitable for great apes. Great apes can’t synthesise vitamin C. Vitamin C does not stick around for very long in chow of any kind. The bag is wrong, and any ape that gets fed according to its instructions is going to die of scurvy. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/14 "2006-06-12T14:54:44Z")
Which explains why, although gorillas may be primates, they make lousy pirates. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/15 "2006-06-12T15:24:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Monkey-like Attributes: moderate desire to fling poop [del]Ah, yes, I remember it well.[/del] How odd. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/maybe-ill-lose-weight-maybe-ill-gain-inhuman-monkey-strength-maybe-ill-go-nuts/360020/16 "2006-06-12T17:12:03Z")
Well based on the monkeys who live on the Monkey Island at the Brookfield Zoo here in Chicago he should be able to supplement his diet with thrown Doritos, the occasional ball point pen, and red licorice ropes.