# Me and my big yap -or- fun on suicide watch **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 3, 2017, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404 "2017-07-03T01:04:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/1 "2017-07-03T01:04:36Z")
On June 7 my wife died and I crawled into a bottle. I tried to sober up for her memorial on 6/19, but it wasn’t complete. By Wednesday I felt so lousy, and had been warned about DTs, that I tried checking into rehab at a place associated with my hospital. “What can we do for you?” “I need to dry out and get some help for my depression.” “Are you suicidal?” “Always have been, to an extent. It’s why I don’t own a gun.” This is where it went south: “But there was this little paring knife I noticed, heh heh heh.” Freud knew that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Jung got jokes. Modern psych people are distressingly literal, so that’s where I stopped being a recovering drunk with mental issues and became an Imminent Suicide. But they needed to fix my dehydration first. They couldn’t trust the other fuckups around an IV of saline, so off to the ER I went. With none of my possessions, including my phone so I couldn’t tell my family where I was. First 24 was spent sleeping and watching the soap opera that is an ER. After that I went back to rehab, where they put me alone in a featureless room without a TV. “Hey guys? I’ve been taking Prozac since 1998 for depression and OCD. It’s in my chart. If you don’t have any to spare there’s some in my kit. Guys? Guys?” What they did have for me was a diuretic because I have lymphedema in my legs, so they started draining out the fluids I’d been given the day before, and then some. So I spent the next 24 hours pissing and drawing deeper into my decreasingly rational and increasingly repetitive thoughts. “Guys, you do know that sudden withdrawal from Prozac can trigger suicides, right?” I did get five minutes with a psychiatrist, who asked, “How many calories in an ounce of vodka? And how many calories in a Big Mac?” “About 110 and 500. And your point is?” He failed to explain. “Doc, the hard part of withdrawal is the knowledge that the symptoms will go away if you have a drink.” “No, they won’t.” “Yes they do. Have you never tried sobering up?” “They wait under the surface.” At that point I gave up reasoning with a man who doesn’t understand what he claims to treat. Friday it was back to the ER for IV antibiotics for the sores on my legs, then up to a room for more diuretics. There I was left in the care of a series of female nurses aides with urinal bottles. “Why are you here?” “You are on suicide watch.” “Huh? Why?” “You made a comment about a paring knife.” “Miss, if I had wanted to kill myself I’d’ve drunk myself to death before any of this started.” Was able to talk to my oldest, who texted her sisters, “Dad’s on suicide watch.” “How’d that happen?” “Guess.” “He shot his mouth off.” “Yep.” After a day of the last shreds of my dignity being stripped from me, I could go home. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/2 "2017-07-03T01:18:40Z")
You wanted to get attention. You got attention. People who make jokes about suicide to mental health professionals get put on suicide watch. Do you know what’s _really_ not funny, and makes any joke go sour? A patient committing suicide because the doctors thought he was just joking. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/3 "2017-07-03T02:15:29Z")
I hope you get better, I really do. I’ve enjoyed seeing you on the Dope. But the kind of joke you made is the kind of joke that can, in some circumstances, be illegal. Don’t joke about being a hijacker to a flight attendant. That can get you arrested. Don’t be in a courthouse and joke about having a weapon. I saw the results of that once, and nobody was laughing when the idiot was wrestled down. He had nothing of course, but my was he foolish. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/4 "2017-07-03T02:33:26Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > You wanted to get attention. You got attention. People who make jokes about suicide to mental health professionals get put on suicide watch. Do you know what’s _really_ not funny, and makes any joke go sour? A patient committing suicide because the doctors thought he was just joking. No shit. I’m sorry but you deserved whatever crap they put you thru. Wow, what an idiotic thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/5 "2017-07-03T03:03:02Z")
Very sorry about your crisis and mini-vacation, but I’m glad you checked in here. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![steatopygia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steatopygia/32/3132_2.png) [@steatopygia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steatopygia)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/6 "2017-07-03T03:17:56Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > You wanted to get attention. You got attention. People who make jokes about suicide to mental health professionals get put on suicide watch. Do you know what’s _really_ not funny, and makes any joke go sour? A patient committing suicide because the doctors thought he was just joking. This ^^ You say they didn’t give you your Prozac, did you get your other meds? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/7 "2017-07-03T03:21:39Z")
FWIW, I can totally see myself making an ill-advised jocular comment like that. At any rate, do your best to enjoy your stay and time off from the world. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/8 "2017-07-03T04:40:55Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > You wanted to get attention. You got attention. People who make jokes about suicide to mental health professionals get put on suicide watch. Do you know what’s _really_ not funny, and makes any joke go sour? A patient committing suicide because the doctors thought he was just joking. Bullshit. He wanted help, not attention. The guy’s wife died. He doesn’t deserve to be insulted for trying to go get help. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/9 "2017-07-03T04:46:50Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > No shit. I’m sorry but you deserved whatever crap they put you thru. Wow, what an idiotic thing to do. I apologize for wording my response so harshly. I do wish you well Dropzone. I was just caught off-guard by what seemed like an entirely avoidable fiasco. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/10 "2017-07-03T04:49:08Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Bullshit. He wanted help, not attention. The guy’s wife died. He doesn’t deserve to be insulted for trying to go get help. Did you miss what he said? He was referring to the comment that was made that led to the problem. The comment was a cry for attention and he did get the appropriate attention. Seems like the system worked. No one was insulted. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/11 "2017-07-03T04:49:16Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Bullshit. He wanted help, not attention. The guy’s wife died. He doesn’t deserve to be insulted for trying to go get help. This. People don’t say things like this to mental health professionals unless they want help. Maybe not the kind of help he ended up getting, but I suspect the OP knows he’s at the end of his rope. **dropzone** , I’ve been there. On suicide watch, in a hospital, minus the alcoholism. It’s a weird, disorienting experience, but it can also be a wakeup call. I hope you can see that a lot of us have been worried about you, and from where I’m standing that worry has been totally justified. Please take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/12 "2017-07-03T09:32:22Z")
**dropzone** , I hope you’re able to get the help you need. It’s good that you were willing to seek it, and I hope you still have the courage to seek help after getting put through about as anti-therapeutic\* experience as I can imagine on your first try. \*Even if they thought you might be suicidal, exactly how did they think they were helping you by what they put you through? Because there’s nothing as good for one’s mental health as being confined in a room with nothing to do and no way to talk to anyone you know, amirite? Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/13 "2017-07-03T10:51:41Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > …Modern psych people are distressingly literal, so that’s where I stopped being a recovering drunk with mental issues and became an Imminent Suicide… Yes. This is how it works. This is how it \*must \*work. I hope you’re not still carrying the ridiculous thought that the medical folks were overreacting. mmm ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/14 "2017-07-03T10:55:53Z")
Well, some good that I see in this situation is that you got help for dehydration. That’s a pretty serious condition. My dad had it late last year and needed serious medical attention. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/15 "2017-07-03T12:59:09Z")
At least your daughters know you… I hope you’ll get better. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/16 "2017-07-03T16:44:28Z")
Some people here can sure be heartless assholes. How are you doing now, **dropzone**? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/17 "2017-07-03T16:48:04Z")
I’m glad that you’re getting help. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/18 "2017-07-03T19:16:15Z")
If you make such jokes, they force you to take antidepressant drugs. Which make you suicidal for real. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/19 "2017-07-03T19:26:04Z")
Dropzone, I know you didn’t want to be in the hospital on suicide watch, but…maybe that’s where you needed to be? I wasn’t there, but you’re legitimately in trouble and need help. Maybe the hospital wasn’t the actual help you needed, or the help you wanted, but maybe it was better than no help. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2017, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404/20 "2017-07-03T19:35:04Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > “Hey guys? I’ve been taking Prozac since 1998 for depression and OCD. It’s in my chart. If you don’t have any to spare there’s some in my kit. Guys? Guys?” > > What they did have for me was a diuretic because I have lymphedema in my legs, so they started draining out the fluids I’d been given the day before, and then some. So I spent the next 24 hours pissing and drawing deeper into my decreasingly rational and increasingly repetitive thoughts. “Guys, you do know that sudden withdrawal from Prozac can trigger suicides, right?” > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > If you make such jokes, they force you to take antidepressant drugs. Which make you suicidal for real. > > Go figure. Looks like the exact opposite happened here. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/me-and-my-big-yap-or-fun-on-suicide-watch/790404.md?page=2)