# Mea Culpa—An Apology to Helena330 **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 30, 2017, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336 "2017-03-30T10:24:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CosmicManiac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85e7bf/32.png) [@CosmicManiac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CosmicManiac)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/1 "2017-03-30T10:24:10Z")
Anybody who has been in the **BBQ Pit** here recently knows that I’ve had an ongoing spat with **Helena330** , over a thread that started in the IMHO section, where a user named **Esco** asked for advice on how to deal with his cocaine-snorting businesswoman girlfriend. Everyone was telling this guy he should ditch her, and that it was very likely she would start stealing from him in order to pay for his coke habit, but he was being stubborn and wouldn’t listen to reason. So, I posted a very forceful, polemical and some have argued sexist [post here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20097872&postcount=103), straightforwardly telling him to dump her, and using some vulgar terms to do it. Helena said that the reason Esco wouldn’t leave his cocaine-using girlfriend was because he was “thinking with his dick”, but added that I wasn’t thinking _at all_, evidently offended by the brash terms I used to describe Esco’s girlfriend, calling my post [misogynistic shit](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20098802&postcount=112). I felt that the term thinking with your dick was a little sexist and anti-male, so I decided to [pit her](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=822709). It didn’t go the way I thought it would, and almost everyone, save two users, took her side over mine. Looking over it, I now realize Helena was correct about it. I was being an asshole, and there was no need for me to use the terms “bitch” and “broad” to describe Esco’s girlfriend, no matter how conniving and dangerous I thought she potentially was. I kind of overreacted to Helena’s “thinking with his dick” quip, and shouldn’t have started a whole pit over it, which just ended up in more embarrassment for me. To Helena: I apologize. You were right, I wasn’t thinking like a rational person, I was being an abrasive ass, and should’ve couched my warnings to Esco over his drug-addled girlfriend in a non-misogynistic, but still serious, tone. Now, I think we should call it a day, and let bygones be bygones. P.S.—I still believe that **Esco** ’s continued relationship with this woman will be his downfall if he doesn’t start taking her drug issues seriously, but that is his prerogative, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/2 "2017-03-30T10:30:39Z")
That’s very gracious of you. Occasionally we get things wrong, sometimes spectacularly (yes, even me). The ability to step back, re-evaluate, learn, change and move on is always a good one. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/3 "2017-03-30T10:46:15Z")
Excellent! I think you should consider your previous thread a huge success: you actually learned something from it, **Helena330** discovered that she is well regarded, and a lot of us had a pleasant diversion and a few laughs. A win for all! ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/4 "2017-03-30T12:09:56Z")
Good deal. Many years ago, I dug myself a three page pile on. I apologized and found this place to be pretty forgiving. I hope this lesson sticks with you. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/5 "2017-03-30T12:11:36Z")
So, you all think Cameron’s learned his lesson? We’ll see. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/6 "2017-03-30T12:23:15Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > Excellent! > > I think you should consider your previous thread a huge success: you actually learned something from it, **Helena330** discovered that she is well regarded, and a lot of us had a pleasant diversion and a few laughs. A win for all! And recipes: Don’t forget the recipes! 😉 Maniac, well-spoken. There is nothing wrong about holding countervailing views on the Dope; in the political area adahaer (sp) manages quite well, despite what I think is sometimes churlish opposition (and a lot of smart, informed opposition as well). But offering gratuitous insults to parties unknown usually do not end well, nor trying to pigeon-hole other posters. OK, sorry, I was in my 'old guy gives young folks advice mode…I blame Robert Duvall in “Secondhand Lions”) 🙂 Press on. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/7 "2017-03-30T12:26:56Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > So, you all think Cameron’s learned his lesson? > > We’ll see. For me, the jury is still out. I’m at least willing to give him a chance though. I’ve seen people turn their shit around on this board more than once. So it is with in the realm of possibility. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/8 "2017-03-30T12:33:18Z")
Can’t win the Powerball jackpot if you don’t play! ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/9 "2017-03-30T13:49:03Z")
I think that your apology should be accepted and credit given for all of the great recipes your thread provided. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/10 "2017-03-30T14:58:54Z")
Well done. ‘Course it doesn’t really matter if folks here pat you on the back or kick you in the pants. What matters is how you let it shape you. You don’t have to change your politics, just reassess your philosophy and attitudes. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/11 "2017-03-30T16:10:42Z")
By Jove, an apology. On the Internet. My monocle just dropped! I better go and check the chickens for teeth. 🙂 More seriously, well said. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/12 "2017-03-30T16:42:41Z")
The problem is, the original pit thread will stick around, but this apology will sink like a stone. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/13 "2017-03-30T17:26:52Z")
Don’t end up like [this guy.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=529654) He wrote an “I’m sorry” thread about his previous behaviour, but didn’t change his behaviour. Within a few months, he was banned. Even in the alleged apology thread, he couldn’t resist lashing out at people who expressed doubts or full-blown disbelief the apology was sincere or would be lasting. In short order, he’d added so many qualifiers to the apology that there was nothing left of it. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/14 "2017-03-30T18:50:52Z")
Writing a public apology is a positive gesture and a difficult one to make. Good job. I hope you will take some of the serious advice in the Helena thread to heart. Self-reflection is never a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/15 "2017-03-30T19:05:39Z")
Thank you, **Cosmic.** I don’t think you’re a bad guy. I hope you realize throwing around offensive language about _any_ group of people is wrong. What are you studying, btw? ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/16 "2017-03-30T22:33:11Z")
See this **clothahump**? The liberals won another Doper over to their side! It’s only a matter of time until you start marching in gay pride parades and drinking chard juice! ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2017, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/17 "2017-03-30T22:43:26Z")
I do not want to know anything about chard juice. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2017, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mea-culpa-an-apology-to-helena330/783336/18 "2017-03-31T02:42:10Z")
Since the OP is no longer with us, I’m closing this.