# Mean Mr. Mustard’s List of Original (I believe) Cinematic Sure Things **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** movies, chess\ **Created:** [January 10, 2024, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911 "2024-01-10T19:19:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/41 "2024-01-11T00:45:39Z")
The sexy shower for two. Couple laying on the beach and the ocean tide comes in. Bathtub/hottub funzies night. I’m afraid water sex might be…ummm…not as much as it’s cracked up to be. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/42 "2024-01-11T00:59:09Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I’m afraid water sex might be…ummm…not as much as it’s cracked up to be. A line from WC Fields comes to mind… 🤭 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/43 "2024-01-11T01:02:35Z")
If a big fancy cake is shown (such as a wedding cake) it will be smashed. Usually by someones face. If there is a big build up to a wedding- something will go wrong. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/44 "2024-01-11T01:12:02Z")
If a middle-aged man says he’s having “a spot of indigestion” at the dinner table, he’ll be dead of a heart attack by the time dessert is served. ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/45 "2024-01-11T02:04:19Z")
This is a corollary of the “two coughs” rule referenced above. My contribution: Any abrasion or cut to the face on the star will require, at most, two butterfly bandages - never stitches. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/46 "2024-01-11T03:28:45Z")
Nosebleeds are a dead giveaway that someone has telekinetic powers. ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/47 "2024-01-11T03:50:27Z")
Any woman who vomits or is nauseated is pregnant. In a period piece, anyone who coughs more than once will die of consumption. > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Oh and my favorite a thousand bullets will only kill or wound 2 good guys. > One, poorly aimed under stress, bullet will mortally wound the bad guys in the last minutes of the movie. Roger Ebert dubbed this the “Law of Evil Marksmanship.” ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/48 "2024-01-11T04:31:59Z")
> [@commasense](#): > > Roger Ebert dubbed this the “Law of Evil Marksmanship.” Nitpick: The **Principle** of Evil Marksmanship, according to all the references I could find online (like [Roger Ebert's Little Movie Glossary](https://www.edtruthan.com/movies/) or [The Roger Ebert Glossary of Movie Terms](http://quarterbacks.org/Roger_Ebert_Glossary_of_Movie_Terms/)). ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/49 "2024-01-11T04:34:55Z")
Sorry, my copy of the former has been in storage for several years. I was working from memory. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/50 "2024-01-11T06:27:28Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Brings to mind, any dark, deserted, unmarked gravel roads are never a good route. And when you come across the danger on that road and hit either the gas or the brakes fast, your tires will somehow squeal on that loose gravel. > [@xizor](#): > > > [@commasense](#): > > > > A detective looking for a clue > > If the looking requires opening cabinets, lockers or closets, a cat will jump out of one of them when opened And that cat will inevitably yowl loudly just to bring home the point that it’s a cat. Also, if the good guy does get hit by a bad guy’s bullet, it’ll be in either the leg or the shoulder, and he’ll be fine, aside from maybe wearing a sling or using just one crutch, because it’s not like there are a lot of important blood vessels in those areas. Movie characters can also tell immediately if a crime victim is dead. They know when there’s no point in trying to resuscitate a person on the ground or even try to find vital signs. They wouldn’t want to contaminate the crime scene, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/51 "2024-01-11T07:07:11Z")
Why when danger of a psychotic maniac is approaching do the scared cabin dwellers run towards the forest and not get in the car and speed away? Everytime. ---
**Author:** ![Nyvaak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Nyvaak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nyvaak)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/52 "2024-01-11T07:43:52Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > If a character coughs more than twice, they’ll be dead by the end of the movie A villain who abandons his evil ways and redeems himself by doing something good, (depending, to some extent, on the depths of his previous evil) has the life expectancy of a mayfly. Perhaps the only character with a higher mortality rate than the one who coughed a couple of times. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/53 "2024-01-11T11:59:37Z")
Any group of co-workers who are working late will be shown eating Chinese food out of the container with chopsticks. mmm ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/54 "2024-01-11T12:55:19Z")
This is one of the reasons why Evil Dead is such a great film. The characters actually make inteligent choices and act reasonably. It doesn’t help them at all. But, it makes for a great film. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/55 "2024-01-11T13:24:32Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > If a big fancy cake is shown (such as a wedding cake) it will be smashed. Usually by someones face. Known as “Chekhov’s Wedding Cake” ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/56 "2024-01-11T14:28:41Z")
Ha! I was thinking the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/57 "2024-01-11T14:48:43Z")
When I saw the movie _Everything Everywhere All at Once_ I took the gilded “Buttplug” awards on Jamie Lee Curtis’ desk as a satirical comment. It wasn’t until later that I learned, to my chagrin, that they were Chekhov’s Butt Plugs, and therefore had to be shown to be used by the third act. Thank Og for pixellation. ---
**Author:** ![f.coli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eada6e/32.png) [@f.coli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/f.coli)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/58 "2024-01-11T15:14:51Z")
TV Tropes calls it Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship, and has several examples of it in several media. ---
**Author:** ![sciurophobic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@sciurophobic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciurophobic)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/59 "2024-01-11T15:27:09Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > If someone calls and says excitedly “Turn on the news!!”, you don’t have to ask “Which channel?” because the whatever channel you are currently on will have just started talking about that event is no matter how small and/or localized it is Unless you’re watching [Arrested Development](https://youtube.com/watch?v=yjqbiMFonR8). ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2024, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/60 "2024-01-11T15:39:21Z")
A few corollaries of my own: > [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > If a character coughs more than twice, they’ll be dead by the end of the movie. If a young woman throws up, she’s pregnant (unless a central plot point is that she’s hung over). > [@Lancia](#): > > Whenever two or more people are in a car, the driver will invariably have a conversation with the passenger by looking over at them, only briefly and occasionally glancing back to the road. If a lone person is shown driving for more than a second or two, especially a closeup shot lingering on their face, they’re about to get in a terrible traffic accident. > [@Nyvaak](#): > > A villain who abandons his evil ways and redeems himself by doing something good, (depending, to some extent, on the depths of his previous evil) has the life expectancy of a mayfly. Not so much corollary as agreement with addendum: if the reformed bad guy has done something irredeemable, like having killed a good guy, their only possible best outcome is to die a ‘good death’ while doing something that helps the good guys succeed. > [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > > [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > > > Sex is always 100% fluid-free with no need for any post-coitus clean-up. > > Oddly, literally 5 minutes ago I finished watching a movie\* where the man went to get the woman a post-coital towel. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. Some tropes are so well-established that TV and movie writers have gotten good at manipulating them to fake out expectations and tease the audience. Vince Gilligan and his writers were masters of that in ‘Breaking Bad’ and ‘Better Call Saul’. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911.md?page=4)