# Mean Mr. Mustard’s List of Original (I believe) Cinematic Sure Things **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** movies, chess\ **Created:** [January 10, 2024, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911 "2024-01-10T19:19:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2024, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/141 "2024-01-29T13:15:26Z")
I guess I should have been clearer. Without hijacking the thread, train engineers (and usually conductors) do watch the tracks ahead and do know when they hit a car. That a train outweighs a car doesn’t mean the train is unaware of it; the very few times I’ve hit a squirrel with my car I have seen and felt it. And you are correct, trains do not stop on dimes, but they do have emergency braking and can get stopped, albeit hundreds of yards down the line. They need to stop for an accident just like cars do, for legal reasons. My note was for movies like **Back to the Future 3** , **Eraser** , and **Blue Thunder** , where the train just disappears from the scene, which is not how it happens in real life. End of line. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2024, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/142 "2024-01-29T15:25:47Z")
When an empty sports stadium or concert hall’s lights are turned on, it will be accompanied by a very loud and distinctive ker-KLUNK sound. This specific sound effect has found its way into other venues in which lights are switched on, including (typically empty) cafeterias, business offices, and warehouses. I predict that one day a character will access the flashlight function on his cell phone and we will hear ker-KLUNK. mmm ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2024, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/143 "2024-01-29T22:03:56Z")
> [@truthseeker3](#): > > Having a fully loaded freight train basically not notice anything smaller than a semi is not particularly unrealistic. On Amtrack we ran over a shopping cart. Everybody "noticed " it, altho it caused no damage and only momentary slowing. ---
**Author:** ![truthseeker3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e68b1a/32.png) [@truthseeker3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthseeker3)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2024, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/144 "2024-01-30T12:59:58Z")
I think we’re in agreement. Before, I thought you were debating the _physics_ of the situation - which, in this case, is a collision with an almost completely one-sided transfer of momentum. (Lots of people don’t realize just how huge trains are. I, on the other hand, grew up in a rural area where passing freight trains were a routine occurrence and where school administrators therefore deemed it prudent to subject us all to an annual hour-long presentation on trains, the gist of which was: yes, the train will stop - but it’ll be a mile away, and you’ll be dead.) (OK - maybe not literally a mile, but there’s no practical difference between a mile and hundreds of yards if you’re measuring the distance between a locomotive and your maimed and/or lifeless body.) (I’ll stop derailing the thread now.) ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2024, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/145 "2024-01-30T13:11:32Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > When an empty sports stadium or concert hall’s lights are turned on, it will be accompanied by a very loud and distinctive ker-KLUNK sound. > > This specific sound effect has found its way into other venues in which lights are switched on, including (typically empty) cafeterias, business offices, and warehouses. Corollary: when someone is typing or working the mouse on a computer, especially when they’re a l33t hacker or the IT tech in a police procedural, every keystroke or mouse swipe will be accompanied by all manner of chirps, beeps, and other ‘computery’ sounds. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2024, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/146 "2024-01-30T15:14:32Z")
> [@truthseeker3](#): > > I’ll stop derailing the thread now.) ISWYDT ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2024, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/147 "2024-01-30T15:45:04Z")
I’m happy to see us back on track. mmm ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2024, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/148 "2024-01-30T18:20:59Z")
It was a runaway thread for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2024, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/149 "2024-01-30T20:13:34Z")
> [@truthseeker3](#): > > I’ll stop derailing the thread now. I think you secretly just wanted to open the door for a bunch of crazy train puns. I see your loco motive. mmm ---
**Author:** ![truthseeker3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e68b1a/32.png) [@truthseeker3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthseeker3)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2024, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/150 "2024-01-30T21:18:32Z")
[Columbo voice] just one more thing [/voice] If a train does appear onscreen more than briefly, someone is sure to be lying _under_ it (without getting injured by anything that might be protruding or dangling from the undercarriage of the train) or having a prolonged fist fight _on top_ - which they will win by virtue of their superior ability to perceive when the train is about to go through a tunnel. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/151 "2024-01-31T12:10:12Z")
> [@truthseeker3](#): > > which they will win by virtue of their superior ability to perceive when the train is about to go through a tunnel. Well, except in **Top Secret** – one of my favorite scenes. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/152 "2024-01-31T13:00:59Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > When you go looking for anything at all, your chances of finding it are very good. Yes! I thought I had lost my gloves but one day, when I was searching for something else, there they were! I thought, “Great! The weather will be cold soon, and I will need them.” Then, when the weather got cold three weeks ago, I went to get them, and they weren’t where I thought I had found them. In essence, I “re-lost” them! ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/153 "2024-01-31T13:10:56Z")
The improbabilities shown on screen make the cinematic experience better, not worse. Hunches almost always play out? Alcoholics almost always relapse? These plot devices intentionally move stories forward more quickly than realism. If life were portrayed with absolute realism they’d be hauling steady cams into bathrooms as Julia Roberts’ character follows up her dramatic scene by taking a squatski. Who wants to watch a five hour movie where the characters spend fruitless hours on screen chasing down false and pointless leads to no avail? Or Gandalf has hay fever and blows his nose every two minutes? Or Obi Wan Kenobi has gas? (okay, I admit some of those might be pretty entertaining for the novelty factor, but you get my point) ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/154 "2024-01-31T13:36:24Z")
> [@Cardigan](#): > > The improbabilities shown on screen make the cinematic experience better, not worse. I don’t think anyone is denying this. It’s still fun to bring them up. I’m always glad that our hero finds a parking space right in front of the building he is about to enter. I don’t want to watch him drive around the block several times looking for a place to park. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/155 "2024-01-31T15:08:29Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > > [@Cardigan](#): > > > > The improbabilities shown on screen make the cinematic experience better, not worse. > > I don’t think anyone is denying this. It’s still fun to bring them up. I agree. But also, it seems to me that @Cardigan is mixing up two different kinds of things. Improbabilities are one thing; selectivity is another. There’s nothing improbable or unrealistic about only showing us the parts of what happens that actually matter. It’s widely understood that we’re not seeing _everything_ the characters do, just things that are important or interesting—but that’s different from those important or interesting things being highly unlikely or unrealistic. Although I admit that the distinction can sometimes be subtle or fuzzy. For instance, is there a distinction between “We know that this character going into this dangerous situation will not die because they have Plot Armor” and “We know that this character going into this dangerous situation will not die because you wouldn’t be telling us their story if they died within the first ten minutes”? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/156 "2024-01-31T18:28:29Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Any fully clothed person standing near a swimming pool will fall or get pushed into said pool. Annnnnnd, it happened again today. I saw a movie this morning (American Fiction) in which the protagonist is standing, fully clothed, near a pool and ends up in the drink. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/157 "2024-01-31T18:53:08Z")
Continuing with the train theme - trains are only ever comprised of locomotives and boxcars - hoppers, gondolas, and intermodal cars don’t exist. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/158 "2024-01-31T18:59:41Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > trains are only ever comprised of locomotives and boxcars And, if the Good Guy gets into an altercation with one or more Bad Guys on top of said boxcars, the train will enter a tunnel before the skirmish is over. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2024, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/159 "2024-02-03T01:05:55Z")
If it’s a lower-budget TV show, and they don’t have the money to travel to the closest tunnel, an alternative is the long metal boom that rotates just over the top of the train. For some reason, it’s always black, and can be swung effortlessly, but it’s strong enough to smack any miscreant away from the fight on top of the speeding train. If it’s a comedy, a plucky protagonist can grab onto the boom and twirl 360º, to be deposited back on top of the train. ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2024, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911/160 "2024-02-07T02:13:26Z")
when falling down a cliff, precipice, high-rise-building, etc… the good guy always ends up cliffhanging oh and blonde=good, black-hair=bad both women (hair) and men (cowboy hats) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mean-mr-mustard-s-list-of-original-i-believe-cinematic-sure-things/995911.md?page=9)