If the looking requires opening cabinets, lockers or closets, a cat will jump out of one of them when opened
If someone calls and says excitedly “Turn on the news!!”, you don’t have to ask “Which channel?” because the whatever channel you are currently on will have just started talking about that event is no matter how small and/or localized it is. It could be a Spanish language ESPN station and they will still wait until you are viewing to report on the event.
Smart phones are always lightning fast and the thing the person is looking for on their phone (pic, map, app, video)is always one tap away.
Sex is always 100% fluid-free with no need for any post-coitus clean-up.
Pizza must be old, even when it’s freshly delivered.
Characters at hockey games always sit right by the glass and must pound on the glass while yelling at the players.
A plan will only have a chance of succeeding if it is not explained beforehand.
This is one I learned as a kid watching Scooby-Doo. Many of the episodes would feature a somewhat elaborate plan for catching the monster/bad guy. About half the time, Fred would explain on-screen how the plan was supposed to work, and I noticed that, inevitably, something would go wrong when they attempted to carry it out. (“Looks like Danger-prone Daphne’s done it again!”) The rest of the time, we in the audience would not hear the explanation of how the plan was supposed to work, and those are the times when the plan would actually prove successful.
The narrative reason for this is clear: it would be boring and wasteful storytelling to spend time showing us both how the plan is intended to work and how it does actually work if these are the same. But unfortunately this means that, whenever we (the audience) know ahead of time how a plan is supposed to work, that’s a dead giveaway that it is guaranteed to not work out that way.
This happens to me all the time in real life. My wife will say something and I will miss the first part and only hear the last couple of words. When I say “What?” she only repeats the last part, which is the part I’ve heard. I’ve had to learn to say something like “I didn’t hear the first part of what you said” so that she starts from the beginning.
My contribution to the thread: when someone is breaking up with someone else, and they start the conversation with “I have to tell you something…” the other person will invariably jump in with “I have to tell you something first” then profess their undying love for the breaker-upper.
Oh, that’s a good one! I think that’s definitely a sure thing…
Mysteries and dramas have so many poignant moments that real life never would. My kid and I would lampoon one of those, the “meaningful pause as you leave the room.”
Our version always involved the lower, slower repetition of a phrase. I’d be leaving the house to go to the hardware store, and he’d say “Dad…”
“Yes, son?”
“You’re going to be careful, right?”
And I’d turn, fix him with a stare: “I’m afraid there’s no time to be careful.”
Open door. Look back over shoulder… “No time…” Look wistfully out the door, then close it.
If there is a bomb that needs defusing, no matter what the guy on the radio says, it’s always the other wire that needs cutting.
RE Cinematic Sure Things
These are important points in The Cineverse Cycle of books. At one point, minorest of spoilers. our couch potato hero convinces everybody the safest place to wait for the car chase to end is in the middle of the street. Everybody is stunned when he’s right. He points out that car chases always end in the noisiest crash possible. So standing in the open was safe as the bad guy was destined to crash into that row of trash cans over ther.
HIGHEST POSSIBLE RECOMMENDATION for the books.
ETA
Slaves Of The Volcano God
Bride Of The Slime Monster
Revenge Of The Fluffy Bunnies.
I’ve read and re read them many times.
That’s how I learned about 9/11. I asked “which channel”, and the reply was “any”. I knew it was bad.
Love conquers all, and oral hygiene is a non-issue
Oh, yes. The trained, hired assassin with an automatic weapon literally spewing out bullets will fail to find their mark, but a shot or two from our hapless hero’s six gun is sure to drop the baddie.
I’ve seen this several times recently - drives me nuts.
If a character coughs more than twice, they’ll be dead by the end of the movie.
Whenever two or more people are in a car, the driver will invariably have a conversation with the passenger by looking over at them, only briefly and occasionally glancing back to the road.
The only exception to this that I’ve seen is inThe Office, and that’s because the actors were really driving real cars on actual streets in actual traffic, so their driving was real driving, not (only) acting.
The old, broken down athlete who’s pressed into service at a critical moment will always have one last moment of glory to win the championship.
Oddly, literally 5 minutes ago I finished watching a movie* where the man went to get the woman a post-coital towel. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.
mmm
*May December
Absolutely.
Spouse: “mumble mumble mumbe mumble mumble prehistoric bacon”
Me: “What?”
Spouse: “Prehistoric bacon.”
mmm
At some point you will inevitably hear things like:
“Your friend is either very brave … or very foolish.”
“Perhaps … a little of both!”
“Be careful! Don’t hit the girl!”
“What have to done with her?”
“Nothing … yet!”
“Don’t worry, kid. She’ll wait for you. Not all dames are like Francie.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being afraid, kid. Any guy who says he’s not afraid is a liar.”
“i can’t ask the men to do something I wouldn’t do myself.”
Well slap my ass and call me Sparkle! That’s a first.
Did they smoke after sex? 