http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/1988-04-05/news/0030130213_1_wear-a-parachute-sky-diver-mcguire
It’s not a syndrome because one person does it over and over. It’s a syndrome because lots of people do it once, under similar circumstances. Down Syndrome, for example, is a collection of symptoms - mental retardation, certain facial features, finger length, etc. - that are almost always correlated with having a third copy of the 21st chromosome. It’s not a syndrome because people who have it are doing something repeatedly. It’s a syndrome because it repeats across the population under highly similar circumstances.
That’s like saying you know you would never get struck by lightning, because you haven’t been struck by lightning yet.
Look, you’ve got a human brain on you, yeah? Then this can absolutely happen to you. This isn’t a moral failing, it’s a bug in our software. Under just the right set of stress and stimulation, our brains can just… lose a packet. Luckily, the right set of circumstances is exceedingly rare. The vast, vast majority of people will never hit just the right set, and so will never suffer this unimaginable tragedy. But that’s all it is - luck. If you happened to hit just the right combo, it could happen to you, too.
One of the reasons I decided not to have kids was the confidence that sooner or later I’d stick 'em somewhere and forget about 'em.
I would go so far as to say that many of the parents who accidentally leave children in hot cars, are probably themselves people who, prior to doing so, would be aghast and dumbfounded as to how parents could leave children in hot cars.
And the people who recommend harsh punishment for parents who forget, seem to assume the following:
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The threat of punishment will somehow alter the brain and make the brain better at memory;
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That the threat of jail time somehow will punish the parent, or deter other parents, in a way that the grief/regret/horror over the child’s death didn’t do so - that somehow parents need “100 units” of suffering in order to deter them from accidentally leaving their child in a hot car, and that somehow the grief and horror itself only gets to “90 units,” or some logic of that sort.
“There but for the grace of God”–no, I don’t think so.
Yes, I have made some parenting mistakes, even including almost roasting a kid in a hot car, not because I left him there–I was in the car too–but because I didn’t realize what effect it was having on him. I realize that most people would not do this.
But leaving a tiny child in the car and forgetting they were ever there? No.
I do think these people are fundamentally different from me.
Some of you have likened this to misplacing your glasses. I have to conclude that you don’t really, REALLY need those glasses. I have to say, during 60-some years of wearing glasses I have never once misplaced them, because they are always within my reach, because without them I can’t see. So they’re important to me. This is not to say I haven’t dropped a contact lens down the sink, but that’s different (and also rare). I don’t actually understand that one either, how do you misplace your glasses?
However strongly my specs were important to me is NOTHING compared to the way I felt about my children. This is pretty much why I can’t visualize myself ever leaving them in the car. A screw-up as to who’s gonna pick up which kid at which place, okay, I’ll cop to that. But–forgetting the kid is in the car with me? And just going off and leaving him there? Unthinkable.
Now I read the article, and I guess I admit that some busy and absent-minded parent might do this, innocently, and for those (thankfully extremely rare) times, I do feel for the parent. Except for the guy whose car alarm went off multiple times while his dying infant tried its best to make its presence known and he fucking ignored it. I don’t know how that guy lives with himself. I actually can’t imagine any of my children, especially when they were babies, being that far out of my mind.
I do think the punishment they give themselves for this callous disregard is enough and they shouldn’t go to jail. Even that one guy.
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I’ve participated in these threads before and can’t be stuffed citing my own experiences again of changed routines and babies etc. But if you’ve not read this article as a parent or not, you have no right to make judgements.
You say you’ll cop to a screw up as big as “Who’s gonna pick up which kid at which place” given any other circumstances, you could have a dead kid.
However much I may be willing to say “There but for the grace of the all mighty…” I’ll jump in the “syndrome” is wrong camp.
“Syndrome” means a collection of symptoms. It seems to me that the implications is that THIS person had X, Y & Z plus “left baby in car,” and should therefore be excused, while perhaps other people who had “left baby in car,” but lacked X, Y & Z are not to be excused. That does strike me as a bad precedent.
I don’t think there is a “Left baby in car” syndrome under which paradigm people with the full syndrome are excusable, while those who lack enough features to be diagnosed with the syndrome should be thrown to the lions.
How unthinkably arrogant and presumptious you are. My god, I surely hope that nothing awful happens to shatter your illusions of your precious stance in the Parenthood Parade. So you think that ‘those’ people are fundamentally different to you? FFS, I truly pray you never have to find out if your claim is true.
Goddamit, I thought Dopers were smart people. 
Seems that some have slipped under the fence and avoided the test of being a reasonable human as well.
Well, people are just different. A friend of mine lost a bracelet worth (she claimed) $75,000–diamond bracelet, really pretty–because she took it off to wash her hands at the ballet or some shit and forgot to put it back on and left it in the washroom.
Now this happens to people. I don’t know how. Not saying I couldn’t have lost a bracelet, but no way would I have lost it that way.
Same thing with the kids. Sure, I might have endangered them at some point. But not that way. I just wouldn’t have.
And, you know, didn’t.
Right, but that’s a different kind of screwup entirely than just leaving your kid in the car. And actually the kid was in a place where there were other adults, who were plenty miffed that they had to wait around for somebody to show up, but no danger they’d just go off and leave him standing on the ball field all alone.
If you hadn’t been here for so long, and if I hadn’t interacted with you in other threads yada yada, I’d be calling you a TROLL right now!
Haven’t, not didn’t. I hope it stays that way for you.
“you cannot imagine” something means you have poor judgement and risk assessment skills, the numbers do not support the idea that is is unimaginable.
Or do you believe you are somehow a better parent?
Arrogant twat.
I don’t even think it’s presumptuous. Let’s face it, most people are not going to do this. They don’t. More kids are killed by their parents’ bad driving–a lot more. It’s very rare, rarer than SIDS, it’s tragic, and while I kinda understand how it happens, in the same way I kinda understand how my friend lost her bracelet, I also kinda don’t. I’m not saying they’re terrible people.
However. If any of these people ever said, “Oh, this could never happen to me,” and then it did happen, I would be very suspicious.
WTF??
There actually is a band called Dogs Die In Hot Cars.
I don’t know why it’s arrogant, to say that I’m just not like that. I once watched a rather young girl almost leave her baby on the bus. She was standing, she sat the baby down on a ledge, then a couple of blocks later she started to get off and the people around were like, hey, you’re forgetting something. And she was like, “Oh yeah,” and she grabbed the baby. Am I arrogant for not understanding how she could do this? Because I don’t. That child was right there in front of her.
I don’t think I ever had one second when I had my kids in the car that I wasn’t aware that I had my kids in the car. I get that people can forget this, but deep inside, I don’t really. The only explanation here is that people are different. Obviously there are some people who are capable of forgetting this. I’m also confident that none of my kids are every going to lapse out with my grandchildren in their cars.
The fact is, I AM a better parent than someone who let their kid die in a hot car. I had four kids and none of them died in a hot car. The worst they could complain about in that respect was being the last one picked up at day care and it wasn’t because I forgot about them. ETA: That’s not true, the worst one of them could complain about was nearly getting heat stroke because Mom wasn’t hot.
I spent many years driving kids around in cars and never, not once, did I ever think, “Oh, I sure hope I don’t one day leave one of them in the car, by accident.” Did. Not. Enter. My. Mind. As. A. Possibility.
But if it did enter your mind, as something you thought you might possibly do, and then you did it, that means you really, really weren’t taking steps to prevent doing something horrible and deadly that you thought you might do.
I think this shows some pretty low-grade thinking on your part and no small amount of arrogance. This phenomenon is known. Don’t believe us, listen to those that study this. They will tell you that every human is susceptible. Your claim that it is “unthinkable” and I reckon that is a failure of imagination and humility on your part.
I wouldn’t choose glasses as an example because when you aren’t wearing them you have an ongoing tactile reminder that you aren’t wearing them. The same cannot be said for many other “items” in your life and cannot be said for a child that is out of sight and providing no feedback. This may be either because it is at school, daycare or asleep in the back of the car.
It is an issue of broken routine and malfunctioning autopilots. Imagine your other half normally brings the kid home from daycare and on your way home from work you go to the supermarket.
This one day though they are sick and you have to do it…your first time in ages.
On your way home you know you have to take a different exit to go to daycare but you boss calls you as you are setting off and before you know it you are carrying on down your normal route, declare “shit” and turn round to collect the little one. Sound familiar? sound possible? Anyhow. You pick up the little one, your mistake only cost ten minutes and they haven’t been eaten by wolves so no problem.
You strap them in and stop off at the supermarket and park in your normal place and mentally plan out your route around the shop and try to remember that one thing you hadn’t put on the list yet as you grab a trolley and get your bags out of the boot.
At that moment your boss calls again and gives you a hard time about figures you prepared that just don’t add up and needs them explaining. You hang up and have his requests and complaints now ringing around your head with new deadline for you meaning you are now going to have to work all evening and will rethink dinner plans and the list you prepared is now needing changes. So now you are flustered, hurried and hassled and your mind is churning over the bollocking you just received. You lock the car and hurry off into the store. Your trolley doesn’t have a child seat because you just grabbed the small trolley that you normally use and it gives you no visual cue or reminder that you have the kid with you.
You get into the store and the first thing on your list is jars of baby food…“shit!..I’ve left the baby in the car” and off you go to fetch them and there they are, asleep and unharmed. Great, now what about if you didn’t have baby food on the list?
Now then, that scenario is hardly the stuff of fantasy. It touches on many realities for busy and hassled families. Does it rely on a convergence of factors? of course which is why it is very rare but at the same time there is nothing special about any of those factors and absolutely anyone could fall foul of them. Do you recognise yourself in any part of that story? If so then acknowledge the fact that you aren’t immune and have not screwed up due to luck more than talent. If you don’t recognise any of that then I question your honesty and self-criticism abilities.