# Meet Even Sven- yet another despressed doper **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 5, 2002, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-even-sven-yet-another-despressed-doper/135275 "2002-11-05T00:00:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-even-sven-yet-another-despressed-doper/135275/1 "2002-11-05T00:00:59Z")
Sometime this spring, one of my friends commented that he had never seen me cry. I thought that was kind of strange, because I am one of those deep-feeling people that cries at the drop of a hat. About a week later, we went out, and for some reason I started crying. I havn’t really stopped since. How can I possibly be this sad? I’m beginning to look like a crazy lady. I cry on the bus. I cry walking down the street. I’ve nearly failed classes because I start crying in the middle of them and have to go home. I cry in the morning when I realize that I’ve woken up. I cry so hard I throw up. For months. For more than half a year. I barely even remember summer. Just a blur. Me walking down Ocean street crying. Me crying in the shower as I force myself to get ready with the day. Me crying on the swings in the park in the middle of the night. Me crying at a job interview. Me waking up, crying, taking a shot of vodka, and going back to bed. My cheeks have abrasions from being wet all the time. I’m afraid to go out with my friends because I can’t keep my composure for long. I’m pushing people away from me because nobody wants to be around someone as sad as I am. I’m losing my friends. I’m scared to be around my family. There is no real reason for it. There are semi-reasons…troubled love affairs, stressful school work, isolation…but there is nothing to justify how far I’ve fallen. Nobody has died. My life is still sucessful. I havn’t ruined anything yet. But yet I despair. I mourn. I feel nothing buy emptiness. I have no more good memories. I have no more hope. All I have is an unbearable present. The “signs of depression” lists are beginning to look like jokes to me. Weight loss? My bones stick out. I’ve lost thirty pounds. I look skeletal. My clothes fall off of me. Sleep problems? I wake up at four AM every morning and I can’t go back to sleep without crying for a while. I’m a mess. I always feel like I’m on drugs even though I am not. My heart races. Things look to bright or too dull. I get panicky. I get slow. Sounds are too loud. I can’t take it all in. I can’t handle it. But mostly I’m just sad. Every moment I hurt. I despair. I wonder how time can possible still go by despite my agony. It shocks me that there can be so much cruelty on earth. That I can feel this much pain and nothing in the whole world can stop it. It just keeps going. There is no mercy. What am I going to do? Cleraly I have to see a professional. My previous experiences with professionals have been pretty bad. And it is so hard to want to get better. I keep thinking that I’ve hit rock bottom, that I have nowhere to go but up, that I’ve finally given myself persmission to start feeling okay. But then something happens. Something stupid. It doesn’t matter. And I feel all those same things again. It just doesn’t stop. How can I convince myself to get the help I need? ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-even-sven-yet-another-despressed-doper/135275/2 "2002-11-05T00:11:31Z")
Let me see . . . Post here, e-mail me (my e-mail address is in my profile), check out[Cecil’s Place](http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cecils_Place/), a Yahoo group I set up for depressed Dopers a while back, keep looking for a good psychiatric professional, or talk to your regular doctor for openers. **Even Sven** , depression was raging for me at its ugliest and most dangerous this weekend, so I do have an idea where you’re coming from. If you’ve got good friends you can call on in real life, please do so. I got yelled at by a married couple of friends of mine because his cell phone wasn’t working and I didn’t think I could call hers just to say “I’m feeling down and I could use a friend.” That incorrect impression has been noted. 😉 I repeat, you can also e-mail me. Since I’m job hunting, I check my e-mail pretty regularly, and I will not ignore you or brush you off. I’ll also offer you a virtual hug until you can get professional help. When I was looking for a therapist, the first 5 I called were all not accepting new patients, and I was tempted to give up. The 6th one was the wonderful therapist I have now. I don’t know your religious affiliation, but I will say a prayer, send energy your way, or, if you’re an atheist, think nice thoughts about you, whichever you prefer. {{{Even Sven}}} Take care, and good luck, CJ ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-even-sven-yet-another-despressed-doper/135275/3 "2002-11-05T01:42:26Z")
**even sven** , Please send me an e-mail. I’ve been there, it only gets better. {{{even sven}}} Honey ---
**Author:** ![Asylum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/53a042/32.png) [@Asylum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asylum)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2002, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-even-sven-yet-another-despressed-doper/135275/4 "2002-11-05T21:44:07Z")
I normally hate cyber hugs, but in this case. . . ((((( **even sven** ))))) There are people out there who care about you.