# Meet my neighbors, The Douche Bags **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 4, 2011, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638 "2011-05-04T00:04:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Time\_to\_get\_a\_gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@Time\_to\_get\_a\_gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Time_to_get_a_gun)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/1 "2011-05-04T00:04:45Z")
Hello! I’m new here and wanted a platform in which to rant about my neighbors. Do not read anymore if you could give a crap…you wont hurt my feelings. I live in a condo …Mr and Mrs Douche Bag live right next door. Front door is 8 inches from mine. Our patios share a fence. Now that you have a picture of our cozy little living arrangement I will get to the meat of it. Their two dogs bark all the time. We have done all that we were suppose to…talk to them politely, again and again. Nothing. They don’t hear the dogs I guess. WRONG. They dont care! It’s our problem if the dogs bother us. We filed a dog complaint. On the day Mr Douche received the citation, he started kicking our fence in. When we looked over the fence and ask what the F he was doing he threatened us and wanted to meet us in the alley to duke it out. I called the cops as he damaged some plants I had on the fence. The cops did nothing. He lied and acted all innocent. After the cops left he went back onto the patio and proceeded to threaten us again and say the most foul trash…all in front of his 13 year old daughter. He has anger managment issues and the police have been out before for “domestic disputes”. I video’d this last tirade of his and he knows it…he shut up when he found that out. He also has taken to waiting in the alley or hanging out on the front porch if he thinks we are leaving. So now because of this bully, I feel like I should cancel the dog complaint. He is worse than they are. Because they are inconsiderate, I have to file complaints and keep barking dog logs and they think I am a busy body. I just want their effing dogs to shut the fuck up. Thoughts or ideas anyone? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/2 "2011-05-04T00:09:40Z")
Do not cancel the complaint. I would keep a video recorder ready at all times. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/3 "2011-05-04T00:11:23Z")
I’d say this is an…unfortunate…combination of username/first post content. For that matter, making one’s first post a Pit OP is usually contra-indicated. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/4 "2011-05-04T00:22:57Z")
It’s only a little worse than some neighbors I’ve had. The Dickhead’s come to mind. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/5 "2011-05-04T00:49:39Z")
You really have two choices - either cancel the complaint and live with it, or carry on with it, and take the risk that he will attack you. If you choose to carry on, document everything, and report every threat, so if something does happen, you have plenty of evidence. Do you have other neighbours? If so, try contacting them and seeing if they have a problem also - the more complaints the better. ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/6 "2011-05-04T01:04:17Z")
Can you get one of those things that does the annoying ultrasonic noise when they bark? It’s worth a try. I used to have barking dogs next to my house and if they hadn’t moved I was going to train them to not bark. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/7 "2011-05-04T01:07:41Z")
Nevermind, bad joke ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/8 "2011-05-04T01:16:27Z")
Someone must manage this condo, others must hear the dogs and wish to complain, rally together, approach the manager, there must be a process or protocol. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/9 "2011-05-04T01:26:37Z")
That’s right - most condos have a condo board, or you’d have landlords if you rent. I’d get in touch with them and tell them all that’s going on - the dogs barking is not acceptable, and your neighbour kicking in your fence and threatening you is far from acceptable. Since you have video proof of how violent he is, is it possible you could get a restraining order against him, and continue to complain about his dogs? I hate barking dogs very, very much. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/10 "2011-05-04T01:29:40Z")
Document, Record, Record, Document. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/11 "2011-05-04T01:41:14Z")
Look at the owner’s agreement you have with the condo association and see what it says about noise, annoyances and the like. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/12 "2011-05-04T02:24:31Z")
Digital voice recorder. Less noticable than a video camera and just as valid when requesting a restraining order or filing charges for terroristic threats. ---
**Author:** ![Nadir](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nadir/32/7302_2.png) [@Nadir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nadir)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/13 "2011-05-04T02:41:46Z")
Rat Poison. It mixes well with raw hamburger. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/14 "2011-05-04T02:43:47Z")
Or if you wish to sink to his level, sometimes douchebags need to have things explained in douchebag as opposed to English, buy a shotgun, better yet a double barrel of the smallest length you are legally allowed to own. Sit on your patio cleaning this shotgun whenever douchebag is around. If anyone asks say you like to do gun cleaning in the fresh air. Give douchebag a dirty look, then stroke shotgun and smile. If you can pull it off act like you’re carrying on a little conversation with the shotgun even. Let douchebag believe you could easily be crazy than them. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/15 "2011-05-04T03:02:14Z")
> [@Nadir](#): > > Rat Poison. It mixes well with raw hamburger. 😉 That’s not funny. It’s not the dog’s fault they have horrible owners. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/16 "2011-05-04T03:03:30Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Or if you wish to sink to his level, sometimes douchebags need to have things explained in douchebag as opposed to English, buy a shotgun, better yet a double barrel of the smallest length you are legally allowed to own. Sit on your patio cleaning this shotgun whenever douchebag is around. If anyone asks say you like to do gun cleaning in the fresh air. Give douchebag a dirty look, then stroke shotgun and smile. If you can pull it off act like you’re carrying on a little conversation with the shotgun even. Let douchebag believe you could easily be crazy than them. That’s probably not wise. It could potentially be considered brandishing, at least if the neighbor tells a convincing enough version of events to the police. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/17 "2011-05-04T03:13:32Z")
> [@Martin\_Hyde](#): > > That’s probably not wise. It could potentially be considered brandishing, at least if the neighbor tells a convincing enough version of events to the police. I don’t know about the laws where the OP lives, so they probably should check them out first. However, I have done the gun cleaning routine before as a deterrent to obnoxious neighbors some of which have called the police. At least where I live in Texas sitting on your porch cleaning a legal gun or rifle in the fresh air because it’s a nice day and you don’t like the gun oil smell in the house is legal. According to my husband, me sitting on the porch cleaning a shotgun singing a lullbye or doing baby talk directed at the shotgun has been one of the most frightening things he has ever witnessed. And he did doubt my sanity until I told him that was the point. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/18 "2011-05-04T04:13:58Z")
I think the OP is misusing the word douchebag. His neighbor sounds like an asshole. My neighbors (well, they live in my neighborhood) are douchebags. E.G. I buy a new house and do some major renovations. The home is part of an HOA and as I am moving in, these folks come around and say howdy. They start talking to me about how I fixed up the house and they say “did you paint the house? I think I remember it being a different color” I say “no, but I gutted the kitchen and bathrooms, laid down heated hardwood floors throughout and redid the bathrooms, boy it was a real hassle, yada yada yada” So they say “Hrmm, perhaps you painted your shutters a different color, I seem to recall them being a different color” So I say “Nope, but I replaced all the windows with new windows and capped the sills and replaced the gutters, maybe that’s what you are noticing” So they say “are you sure you didn’t paint something a different color?” I say “nope I did a lot of painting on the inside, would you like to come in and take a look?” they say “nope, well have a good day” So my next door neighbors come by and ask “so what did THEY want?” I told them and my next door neighbor told me that these guys were a powertripping couple that were on the HOA committee and they were trying to get me in trouble for making outer cosmetic changes without HOA approval. Those people were douchebags, the OP’s neighbor is an asshole, ---
**Author:** ![3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/47e85d/32.png) [@3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3_20_59_or_bust)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/19 "2011-05-04T04:37:42Z")
First, don’t come to a message board for serious advice because you’ll get insane ideas like poisoning dogs or threatening people with shotguns. Then _you_ can end up in jail instead of your asshole neighbor. Please take all advice with a serious grain of salt. And good luck. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/20 "2011-05-04T05:33:02Z")
> [@Zulema](#): > > Can you get one of those things that does the annoying ultrasonic noise when they bark? It’s worth a try. I used to have barking dogs next to my house and if they hadn’t moved I was going to train them to not bark. Honestly, I think this is a beautiful idea. It solves the problem, the homeowner has no clue its happening, and all the neighbors get a little more peaceful neighborhood. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638.md?page=2)