# Meet my neighbors, The Douche Bags **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 4, 2011, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638 "2011-05-04T00:04:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/41 "2011-05-05T16:02:35Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > 1. See if there is a maintenance man in your your complex who can teach you some form of martial arts. Challenge your neighbor to a match some time in the future provided he leaves you alone long enough to train properly. Bonus points if you train via a montage. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/42 "2011-05-05T16:09:49Z")
_We need a montaaaaage…_ ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/43 "2011-05-05T16:11:38Z")
Cheap video camera sitting on your patio, pointed towards their yard. Cheap VCR attached to video camera. Expensive video camera sitting inside your house, recording your neighbor stealing your cheap video camera and VCR. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/44 "2011-05-05T16:26:35Z")
> [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > Bonus points if you train via a montage. It has to be to 80s music or the plan will fail. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/45 "2011-05-05T16:27:00Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Who said it was for the dogs? > > Well it would solve the problem, wouldn’t it? Technically, feeding it to the dogs only solves one problem. Feeding to the douchebags solves all of them. 😃 Not that I would endorse such behavior. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/46 "2011-05-05T19:46:44Z")
Regarding the OP’s dog and the bark machine. Your dog will hear whatever the other dog hears. So until the offending dog is trained, yours will experience whatever annoyance/pain (do they cause pain? Can’t imagine they do or else they’d likely be banned I imagine) the other one does. I’d suggest plenty of ox tails and soup bones for your pup if you go this route. Sounds like your best option. One question, and this may be dependant on local laws and too convoluted to easily answer. Continuing disclosure in the event of a sale. If law enforcement and the association won’t do anything, isn’t that in a way proof there isn’t really a problem and therefore not subject to disclosure? ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/47 "2011-05-05T21:07:25Z")
> [@Time\_to\_get\_a\_gun](#): > > We own this condo…and have HOA’s. The CC&R’s have “no teeth” and little has been done from that front. I would be astonished if a properly worded complaint to the condo association board and the condo lawyer went absolutely nowhere. Condo and HOA boards tend to fall into one of five categories: 1. Developer-controlled, keeping fees low and enforcement high to sell the properties. Normally hands off power to one of the next two categories. 2. Well-meaning people keeping fees low. Rule enforcement often slips. 3. Power trippers keeping enforcement high. 4. Courageous people cleaning up from the messes of the previous two categories. Frequently has to raise fees, levy special assessments, and return to high enforcement of condo/HOA rules. 5. Whoever is available to take a post after the people from category 4 have hit their limit. Usually evolves back into category 2 or 3. If your board is in category 1, 3, or 4, the board will address matters. If your board is in category 2 or 5, skip the board and talk directly with the property management company and the law firm. ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/48 "2011-05-05T22:47:23Z")
Hire someone to kidnap the dogs and drive them off into the country:D Your neighbor sounds like an unpredictable psycho. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/49 "2011-05-05T23:05:54Z")
> [@classyladyhp](#): > > Hire someone to kidnap the dogs and drive them off into the country: Not the dogs, the owner. 1. Someone has to get him and drug him without being seen, so he has no description of person or even of any attack. 2. Load him in a car/van and keep sedated for many hours. 3. Drive to a remote area 15 miles from the nearest town and preferably a hundred miles or so from the nearest highway (for me that would be easy - any part of the northern half of South Dakota. 4. Strip naked. Pour cheap booze down his throat and all over him. 5. Dump on the side of the road miles from anywhere. 6. Leave the clothes and ID scattered all over his back yard, with no witnesses and no fingerprints. No clothes, no ID, no idea what happened, naked and reeking of booze. No credible story of any kind. A complete mystery! Nothing missing - it is in his yard! ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/50 "2011-05-06T00:30:37Z")
And leave him out in the sun for awhile. If this is done in northern S.Dakota he’ll likely get picked up and dumped at Standing Rock. Give him a Redskins jersey and all your problems should be solved shortly. Oh, and give him a chest tattoo that says, “Peltier blows prairie dogs”. Er, maybe that’s a little too cruel. Nah, fuck it. I consider it animal abuse when idiots don’t properly train their dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/51 "2011-05-06T01:29:03Z")
One of the good things about being a large bearded man with crazy eyes who can roar like an angry beast is that I rarely have to deal with asshole menacing me. If you know anyone like me, you could invite him to your place for a wood splitting party and see what the neighbor does. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/52 "2011-05-07T13:34:03Z")
“This can’t end well…” And that’s why I’ll keep checking back. Do let us know which works better: the “singing lullabies to your Remington double-action ‘Sweetie-Pie Baby Girl’” or “videotaping everything with the hidden DoucheCam®, with WiFi Pit access” or “subletting to the Inuit lesbian emo biker square-dancers”. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/53 "2011-05-07T20:31:49Z")
I don’t think you need to go that fancy; I think just subletting to a bagpiper would do the trick. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2011, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/54 "2011-05-08T00:12:33Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I don’t think you need to go that fancy; I think just subletting to a bagpiper would do the trick. 🙂 As a proud Scotsman, fuck you. Carry on.😛 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2011, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/55 "2011-05-08T05:52:24Z")
Definition of a gentleman - can play the bagpipes but doesn’t. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2011, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/56 "2011-05-08T07:30:35Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Not the dogs, the owner. > > 1. Someone has to get him and drug him without being seen, so he has no description of person or even of any attack. > 2. Load him in a car/van and keep sedated for many hours. > 3. Drive to a remote area 15 miles from the nearest town and preferably a hundred miles or so from the nearest highway (for me that would be easy - any part of the northern half of South Dakota. > 4. Strip naked. Pour cheap booze down his throat and all over him. > 5. Dump on the side of the road miles from anywhere. > 6. Leave the clothes and ID scattered all over his back yard, with no witnesses and no fingerprints. > > No clothes, no ID, no idea what happened, naked and reeking of booze. > No credible story of any kind. A complete mystery! > Nothing missing - it is in his yard! A good weekend party then? ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2011, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/57 "2011-05-08T07:38:21Z")
Wait, South Dakotans hate the Redskins?!? Is there a South Dakota football team? Move out for six months. Offer your place at reduced rent to any cop who wants it. Put note up on bulletin board at local PD “Out of town for six months, looking for trustworthy housewatcher.” You’re sure to find some young, newly minted cop who will move in and straighten the whole thing out for you. Seriously though, if this guy has kids you are doing them an enormous favor by responding logically and involving the authorities. Please for their sakes if not your own, continue to document and report. Be careful about aiming video cameras at places where 13-year-old girls might be sunbathing. That can end badly. And get the barker breaker, it’s fairly cheap and I"ve heard great things about it. It just releases a high-pitched sound. Your dog may find it unpleasant but he won’t be in pain. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2011, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/58 "2011-05-08T20:16:32Z")
The Douchebags? That’s a German name, is it not? ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2011, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/59 "2011-05-08T20:57:58Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > The Douchebags? That’s a German name, is it not? French. The German equivalent is “Duschebags.” The family is widespread, with Docciabags in Italy and Duchabags in Spain. I believe there are even some Душбагs in Russia. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638/60 "2011-05-09T23:02:29Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > French. The German equivalent is “Duschebags.” The family is widespread, with Docciabags in Italy and Duchabags in Spain. I believe there are even some Душбагs in Russia. Seems like there everywhere. Can barely throw a rock without hittin’ one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/meet-my-neighbors-the-douche-bags/580638.md?page=4)