# Memo to restaurants: Cheez Whiz SUCKS **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 17, 2001, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957 "2001-10-17T12:12:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lateralus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@Lateralus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lateralus)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/21 "2001-10-17T19:13:15Z")
I really had my heart set on kicking your ass for considering American cheese “real cheese”, but it looks like Stoid beat me to the punch. So I’ll just accept it and quietly bump up my pathetic post count. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/22 "2001-10-17T19:32:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dropzone \* > \*\*You’re a Canadian. Your judgement as to food is naturally suspect. I am, therefore, forced to re-evaluate anything nice I said about Cheez Whiz. > > 😉 \*\* Oh yeah? Well…well…you guys don’t have butter tarts. So there 😛 ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/23 "2001-10-17T20:08:00Z")
And we’re a better country for it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/24 "2001-10-17T20:34:34Z")
Bravo, Stoid! Being a Wisconsinite (the real dairy state, I don’t care what you people say) the “American cheese” remark offended me also. But it was funny. Well said! Snicks ---
**Author:** ![stofsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@stofsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stofsky)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/25 "2001-10-17T20:39:06Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by featherlou \* \*\* > [@](#): > > Oh yeah? Well…well…you guys don’t have butter tarts. So there 😛 \*\* I buttered a tart once. It only cost me an extra…wait… Yeah, cheese. American cheese has its pluses. Personally, the best grilled cheese sandwich available (in my kitchen) has 2 slices of American for flavor & texture, a hunk of cheddar for flavor, and a slice of provelone for creaminess. Butter the bread liberally & pan fry over low heat. But the American cheese on the outsides makes the sandwich. ---
**Author:** ![stofsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@stofsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stofsky)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/26 "2001-10-17T20:44:27Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by featherlou \* \*\* > [@](#): > > Oh yeah? Well…well…you guys don’t have butter tarts. So there 😛 \*\* I buttered a tart once. It only cost me an extra…wait… Yeah, cheese. American cheese has its pluses. Personally, the best grilled cheese sandwich available (in my kitchen) has 2 slices of American for flavor & texture, a hunk of cheddar for flavor, and a slice of provelone for creaminess. Butter the bread liberally & pan fry over low heat. But the American cheese on the outsides makes the sandwich. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/27 "2001-10-17T20:50:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dropzone \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Athena \* > > **If you make a nice bechamel (flour & butter & milk sauce) and add cheddar to it, it makes a lovely soft cheese sauce.** > > Which is every bit as uncheesy as Velveeta, if not moreso. And if it takes you more than five or ten minutes to prepare it then you are probably burning it. 😉 \*\* Wait, you’re telling me that you think CHEESE WHIZ is cheesier than an actual cheese sauce made with REAL CHEESE?!? If it’s not cheesy enough for ya, ADD MORE CHEESE. You can add a LOT of cheese to a few cups of milk. I’m boggled. I have no reply to that. And it takes 15 minutes to prepare: 5 minutes to grate the cheese & measure out the other ingredients 5 minutes to properly cook the roux (ick - raw, floury roux. Gotta cook it enough) 5 minutes to slowly add the milk and the grated cheese, and to wait until the cheese is thoroughly melted. Cheese Whiz will never have a place in my house. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/28 "2001-10-17T20:56:47Z")
You MEASURE stuff? And grate the cheese instead of cubing it? No wonder it takes you so long! Part of the cooking time for the roux is shared with melting the lumps of cheese. And adding milk just makes it runny without adding flavor. Yuck! Add more butter if you want it thinner! Women simply don’t know how to cook. :rolleyes: 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/29 "2001-10-17T21:00:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > \*\* > Oh yeah? Well…well…you guys don’t have butter tarts. So there 😛 \*\* If someone does not explain to me what butter tarts are soon, I’m gonna have a cow. I love butter. I love tarts. Please tell me how to make these two things meet. stoid ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/30 "2001-10-17T21:19:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dropzone \* > \*\*You MEASURE stuff? And grate the cheese instead of cubing it? No wonder it takes you so long! Part of the cooking time for the roux is shared with melting the lumps of cheese. And adding milk just makes it runny without adding flavor. Yuck! Add more butter if you want it thinner! > > Women simply don’t know how to cook. :rolleyes: > > 😉 \*\* If ya GRATE the cheese you don’t NEED to ruin your roux by throwing lumps of cheese in with it. It melts up quick as a wink if it’s grated properly As far as “making it runny” - isn’t the whole POINT runny cheese? If you just want melted cheese on top o’ some nachos, throw some cheese on 'em and put 'em in the oven! A sauce, by definition, is RUNNY. Deal with it, dropzone. :rolleyes: \ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/31 "2001-10-17T21:21:41Z")
[QUOTE] I don’t eat that crappy “cheese food” either, but False God’s got a point…a REAL Philly cheesesteak IS made with Cheez Whiz. If you want the true cheesesteak experience, you got to bite the bullet, here. [QUOTE] I hate to disagree with a Mod but, Why don’t you use Steak-ums for the friggin’ meat then, heck why not eat it on wonderbread. Really good steak places give you the option to use whatever cheese they have around. “With Whiz” “Prov” etc…but it’s not the cheese man it’s the thick fresh meat on fresh bread, oozing with fat and yummy things. Don’t want to toot my own horn here but IMHO “Pat’s” and “Geno’s” make fast food cheesesteaks, they have a non-stop pile of meat cooking for who knows how long, they are justmoving you along as fast as possible. There are much, much better places in Philly to get an awesome cheesesteak. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/32 "2001-10-17T21:45:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cheesesteak \* > \*\*Only Cheez Whiz has the combination of meltability, runnyness, and saltiness to make a cheesesteak worth eating. Any other kind of cheese is a desecration of the most perfect food product ever invented. > > Whiz wit’ onions, there is no other way. \*\* And that is, quite frankly, why Philly cheesesteaks suck big time. ( not the poster 😉 ) I’ve been to dozens and dozens of CS places in Philly, been dragged all over town by Philly natives to get the “best”, and inevitably wind up with Cheez Whiz and Steak-Ums. _barf_ C’mon over sometime and I’ll make you a BALTIMORE cheesesteak sub. Provolone cheese melted onto a toasted roll, thin sliced sirloin steak, sauteed onions and mushrooms, lettuce, tomato, mayo and hots if you like 'em. Pure ambrosia. ---
**Author:** ![Engineer\_Don](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e95f7d/32.png) [@Engineer\_Don](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engineer_Don)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/33 "2001-10-17T21:47:11Z")
American Cheese and Cheez-Whiz - Yuck! I don’t know how anyone can eat that stuff at all, unless you compare it to the 7/11 stuff they put on Nachos. I worked the grave shift in a 7/11 for a couple of years in college, and served this stuff to all sorts of night people. (Sean Penn and Madona came in one night at about 3:00 AM. No joke. And yes it has been a while since I worked in a 7/11.) I always had this vague sense of disbelief when I was doing it though, as if even though I was ringing it up there was no way they would actually eat it. I loaded up the “cheese” and “chili” warmers almost every night from the big #10 cans, and even read the ingredients a few times. The “cheese” sauce had nothing to do with cheese, and was mostly vegetable oil, yellow food coloring, and artificial thickening agents, but the “chili” was much worse. I remember textured animal and vegetable protein was part of it, but it was way down the list. Salt played a big role in all of it, but lets get down to the real issue: it tastes horrible! I don’t have any idea how people can stomach it at all. I would have to be very drunk or incredibly hungry before I ate any processed cheese food, but I would eat dog food before I touched the chili. Real restaurants should not do cheez whiz or any cheese-food without some sort of warning on the menu. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/34 "2001-10-17T21:51:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Briminator \* > **Why don’t you use Steak-ums for the friggin’ meat then, heck why not eat it on wonderbread…it’s the thick fresh meat on fresh bread, oozing with fat and yummy things.** Hell, make yourself a sandwich out of mesquite-grilled filet mignon and Tillamook Cheddar with Vidalia onions on a freshly-baked baguette, if you want. It’ll be delicious. But don’t call it a “Philadelphia Cheesesteak.” I dunno, I guess you could call it a “Cheesesteak with a College Education.” Me, I prefer a cheesesteak that flunked out of high school. A Philadelphia Cheesesteak is made outta crappy meat and crappy cheese, plus lots of grease. _1 small onion, sliced 1/2 pound thinly sliced minute steak or chip steak 1/4 pound American, provolone, mozzerella **(or the traditional Cheez Whiz)** 2 long Italian rolls, sliced_ – “Rick Olivieri’s Cheesesteak,” THE READING TERMINAL MARKET COOKBOOK, Camino Books, Philadelphia, 1997 Now shaddup…I’m enjoying watching **dropzone** and **Athena** bicker. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/35 "2001-10-17T22:11:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ukulele Ike \* > > Now shaddup…I’m enjoying watching **dropzone** and **Athena** bicker. \*\* MmmMMmmm… I’m hungry, Ike. Couldya send over one o’ those filet mignon with Tillamook and Vidalia onions? That sounds pretty good to me. Then I’ll bicker more, I promise. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/36 "2001-10-17T22:18:32Z")
Vin’s a cheese snob. I’m a salad dressing snob. If I order a salad at a sit-down restaurant, I expect _homemade_ dressing. If I order ranch dressing, I want it to be made with real milk. But, please, none of that bottled, coagulated stuff that pretends it’s dressing. And, finally, will the restaurants folks PLEASE do us all a favor and either put the dressing on sparingly or put it on the side. Nothing like having a little lettuce with my salad dressing. ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/37 "2001-10-17T22:43:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ukulele Ike \* > **Hell, make yourself a sandwich out of mesquite-grilled filet mignon and Tillamook Cheddar with Vidalia onions on a freshly-baked baguette, if you want** Does this line mean you have access to Tillamook Cheddar in Manhattan, **Uke**? Wow. Didn’t realize it was sold that far away. I’ve hunted for it in vain while visiting relatives in Florida, just so I could show my cousin what a great cheese tasted like. Tillamook makes chedder cheese that will make the Wisconsinites cry. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/38 "2001-10-17T23:43:33Z")
Just for reference, I shall provide the actual ingredient list for Cheez Whiz, from a jar conveniently located in my fridge (I live 2 1/2 hrs from Philly and was jonesing for a cheesesteak something awful), just so all of you naysayers can see that there is actually cheese in it. WATER, MILK, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED SOYBEAN OIL, WHEY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, WHEY, MILKFAT, SODIUM PHOSPATE, MALTODEXTRIN, MILK PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, SALT, SODIUM ALGINATE, WORCHESTERSHIRE SAUCE, lACTIC ACID, MUSTARD FLOUR, SORBIC ACID, OLEORESIN PAPRIKA, ANNATTO, _ **CHEESE** _ CULTURE ENZYMES, VITAMIN A PALMITATE See, there is an actual cheese based product in there, somewhere… And **Weirddave** , somewhere in my heart there is room to forgive your blaspheme, I just haven’t found it yet 😉 And, from the top of the jar, [http://www.cheezyguy.com](http://www.cheezyguy.com) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/39 "2001-10-18T00:27:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dropzone \* > \*\*Kraft used to run ads comparing the melting characteristics of Velveeta (like congealed Cheez Whiz) and real cheese (which they are also happy to sell you). The cheese separated into a butterfat and milk solids glop while the Velveeta retained its texture, only runnier. Flavor didn’t enter into the equation, only appearance. \*\* {Sung to Camp Grenada…-NOT mine-from the old commercial-my cousin and I used to sing it all the time) See Velveeta versus Cheddar Our Velveeta melts much better Cheddar’s lumpy Cheddar’s oily It dribbles off your plate onto your doily Our Velveeta melts so dreamy It improves your tetrazini If the cookbook calls for Cheddar Make it with Velveeta it tastes better! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957/40 "2001-10-18T00:32:53Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by stofsky \* \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Oh yeah? Well…well…you guys don’t have butter tarts. So there 😛 \*\* > > I buttered a tart once. It only cost me an extra…wait… > > Yeah, cheese. American cheese has its pluses. Personally, the best grilled cheese sandwich available (in my kitchen) has 2 slices of American for flavor & texture, a hunk of cheddar for flavor, and a slice of provelone for creaminess. Butter the bread liberally & pan fry over low heat. But the American cheese on the outsides makes the sandwich. \*\* AND it depends on what you get. If you buy those plastic raincoat pieces from the dairy case, individually wrapped in plastic, you deserve what you get. BUT… Land O’ Lakes American Cheese-freshly sliced from the Deli is much better-try eating a slice on it’s own-it’s very creamy with a tangy flavor. Can’t be beat. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memo-to-restaurants-cheez-whiz-sucks/87957.md?page=3)