# Memorable Family Guy Quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 24, 2004, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853 "2004-10-24T02:45:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Burrido](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Burrido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Burrido)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/21 "2004-10-24T15:32:58Z")
SIE WERDEN SICH HINSETZEN! SIE WERDEN RUHIG SEIN! SIE WERDEN NICHT BELEIDIGEN DUETSCHLAND!! Anyone care to translate? plz 🙂 My favorite dialogue (Paraphrasing) Peter: “Now I’m leaving you in charge of the camp Chris.” Chris: “No problem dad, I’ll keep…zzzzzzzz” Falls asleep. Peter: Wakes up Chris, “Chris, I need you to wake up and pay att…zzzzzz” Falls asleep. Chris: “Zzzz” Falls asleep also. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/22 "2004-10-24T15:44:12Z")
Holy crip. He’s a crapple. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/23 "2004-10-24T15:45:34Z")
> [@Burrido](#): > > SIE WERDEN SICH HINSETZEN! SIE WERDEN RUHIG SEIN! SIE WERDEN NICHT BELEIDIGEN DUETSCHLAND!! > > Anyone care to translate? plz 🙂 Babel Fish says: IT ITSELF PUTTING! IT CALM ITS! IT NOT INSULTING DUETSCHLAND!! ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/24 "2004-10-24T16:02:12Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Babel Fish says: > > IT ITSELF PUTTING! IT CALM ITS! IT NOT INSULTING DUETSCHLAND!! Close. 🙂 You will sit down! You will shut up! You will not insult Germany! ---
**Author:** ![Iacob\_Matthew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Iacob\_Matthew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iacob_Matthew)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/25 "2004-10-24T16:33:29Z")
The general DeBeers shadows pictures, with a man slipping a ring onto a woman’s figure, who then slowly lowers her head and advances. “Diamonds: She’ll pretty much have to.” ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/26 "2004-10-24T17:31:45Z")
Chris’s line: “Well, we can’t put it in my room because of the evil monkey in my closet. The sad part is, he wasn’t always evil.” ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/27 "2004-10-24T18:14:19Z")
For some reason each child is to be given a wish. Chris: I wish I had a new hat! Meg: I wish I had a new hat! Stewie: I wish they had new hats! (Note that Chris and Meg are typically seen with chapeau, while Stewie is uncovered.) –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/28 "2004-10-24T20:17:58Z")
Stewie: It’s over. We’re finished. Game over man, game over! ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/29 "2004-10-24T22:02:45Z")
Chris: If I had a hole in my throat, I would put pennies in it! (Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington, the episode where Peter becomes a tobacco industry lobbyist) I also love when Brian goes up to Keanu Reeves and starts lavishing praise about his acting on him, when a woodpecker comes up and starts pecking on Keanu’s head. I enjoy the subtlety and the woodenness of Keanu’s reply. (Brian Goes to Hollywood, where Brian becomes a porn director.) Chris: I bet Samuel L. Jackson is in this movie. He’s in everything! Uttered before the family knew Brian’s film was a porno, followed immediately by a shot of Samuel L. Jackson in a robe before a fireplace, a girl on her knees in front of her. Stewie: You know, Brian, just because you can’t feel your teeth doesn’t mean the girl can’t feel your insults. (The Thin White Line, where Brian becomes, quite literally, a police drug-sniffing dog.) ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/30 "2004-10-24T22:46:11Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > Chris: I bet Samuel L. Jackson is in this movie. He’s in everything! > Uttered before the family knew Brian’s film was a porno, followed immediately by a shot of Samuel L. Jackson in a robe before a fireplace, a girl on her knees in front of her. I think you mean in front of Him. 🙂 But that reminded me of the scene at the end of that episode, when a porno director hits on Lois: _Director: How’d you like to be in a movie? You know, get a little girl on girl action? Lois (offended): Peter, say something! Peter: Hah! Good luck pal, I been barking up that tree for 17 years!_ ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/31 "2004-10-24T22:57:48Z")
Peter (at a women’s retreat after making un-PC jokes at work): I think you’d make more of a connection if you hugged her, too. Woman: Very good, Peter. That’s true. Peter: That’s it. Now rub her back. Okay, that’s good. Now comfort her. Oh yeah, you like that, don’t ya. Yeah, yeah, oh, it’s okay to like it. It’s very natural. Okay, good, good. Now smell her a little. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/32 "2004-10-24T23:09:52Z")
Lois: “Oh, I can’t help it! I know, I know, [Peter]'s become a superficial, ego maniacal, jerk, but, I’ve never been more attracted to him! Oh, does that make me a bad person?” Brian: “Yes! Yes it _does_ make you a bad person!” ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/33 "2004-10-24T23:39:27Z")
> [@ZebraShaSha](#): > > Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es brian … Nosotros caramos ir condustedes… uhhhh … > Bellboy(spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said “me llamo es Brian,” you don’t need the “es,” just me llamo Brian. > Brian: Oh, oh you speak english > Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it. > Brian: You … you’re kidding me, right? > Bellboy(spanish): Que? Bellboy? Huhn? That was no bellboy. A farm worker, from the look of him. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/34 "2004-10-24T23:41:26Z")
Oh, and… Brian: Whiney little runt, isn’t she? Lois: Brian! Brian: What? I said _runt_! ---
**Author:** ![Bob55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Bob55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob55)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/35 "2004-10-24T23:44:41Z")
At the football game when their daughter Meg is flag girl doing her solo - Lois: Look at her Peter, isn’t she beautiful? Peter: (looking in another direction at some other girl) Yeah but I think she’s with that guy, she’s been holding his hand all night. ---
**Author:** ![Hellestal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3ab097/32.png) [@Hellestal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hellestal)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2004, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/36 "2004-10-25T00:00:09Z")
The best line: Brian, speaking of his sexual history: “I’ve licked my share of peanut-butter.” Ha! I almost can’t believe that one made it onto TV. It’s a pretty obscure reference, I know, but still… ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2004, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/37 "2004-10-25T01:11:25Z")
I love when Brian goes back to his birthplace (paraphrasing because I’m too lazy to go look up the actual quote): BRIAN: “I’m Brian, I was born here!” FARMER: “Brian, Brian… which one were you?” BRIAN: “I was the one who could talk.” FARMER: “Brian!” Teehee. Stewie’s taunting of Brian’s stuffed mom was pretty hilarious, too. “Peter, you’re like the white version of a black man that’s bad with his money.” - Cleveland ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2004, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/38 "2004-10-25T01:52:12Z")
I love when Meg’s glasses get broken and she gets new ones and says “How do I look?” Stewie: Somewhere there’s a picture of you getting prettier. I snorted Coke out of my nose the first time I heard that. ---
**Author:** ![yoyodyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a9a28c/32.png) [@yoyodyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yoyodyne)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2004, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/39 "2004-10-25T02:25:12Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > I snorted Coke out of my nose the first time I heard that. It’s supposed to go **in.** ---
**Author:** ![Roseworm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/df788c/32.png) [@Roseworm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roseworm)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2004, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853/40 "2004-10-25T02:29:54Z")
I love Stewie’s sulfurous mega-oath: “Oh, damn you to the pus-spewing bloody bowels of hell!” Does the character of Stewie remind anyone else of Clifton Webb (1889-1966)? He specialized in playing effete, prissy, bitchy older men (not so different from his own personality, by all accounts). Everytime I hear Stewie in action, I think of Clifton Webb. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-family-guy-quotes/270853.md?page=3)