# Memorable things your friends have said (remote NSFW possibility) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709 "2018-01-29T05:38:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/1 "2018-01-29T05:38:11Z")
I have done this before, but since there are a great many newer Dopers I thought I’d get some good new responses. Cool things my friends have said: \*“Show me a woman whose man doesn’t give head, and I’ll show you a woman I can steal.” - “It’s a thin line, between pole and bait.” \*“Everyone’s suffering is the worst suffering they have ever experienced.” (meaning that even though somebody’s pain might be relatively minor in the grand scheme of things, they can only ever know what their own worst pain is like.) I’ve got more, but you guys go ahead until I can remember them. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/2 "2018-01-29T06:06:54Z")
Me: So what would you do if, say, you were in a car that was gonna go off a cliff? Chad (without missing a beat): Pass out and hope for the best. Keith: Whoa! These chips are really good; where’d you get them? Me: The store. You oughta go sometime; they got all kinds of stuff. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/3 "2018-01-29T06:54:22Z")
Rick Seaward, a Canadian journalist and colleague of mine, came up with this memorable remark at a morning staff meeting, talking about the flexibility of workplace directives: “Rules are to guide the wise and command the foolish”. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/4 "2018-01-29T07:30:53Z")
My friend told another lady who kept asking for her advice, " You’re a grown-assed woman, quit bothering me with your problems, cause I dont give a shit". Everybody within ear shot applauded. You kinda had to know how irritating the advice seeker was. My husband’s Grandmother was relaying a tale of how a spider bit her friends toe, the toe got real infected and turned purple, then black, and had to be amputated. I asked her what kind of spider it was. She said “It was a granddaddy long legs” . I told her I didn’t think they could bite. She said “That one did” ---
**Author:** ![BobBitchin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@BobBitchin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobBitchin)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/5 "2018-01-29T07:59:37Z")
My buddy Dave gave me the phrase, “The other day ago” As in Hey have ya seen Bill Yeah I saw him the other day ago. (A few days ago):rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/6 "2018-01-29T08:50:36Z")
“You could have a lot of fun if you were really, really tiny.” ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/7 "2018-01-29T13:07:52Z")
“I usen’t do it that way” (I used to not do it that way.) ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/8 "2018-01-29T16:04:19Z")
> [@BobBitchin](#): > > My buddy Dave gave me the phrase, “The other day ago” > As in > Hey have ya seen Bill > Yeah I saw him the other day ago. (A few days ago):rolleyes: I often say that “the other day” is anywhere from yesterday to 20 years ago. They are all other days from today. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/9 "2018-01-29T17:19:06Z")
> [@BobBitchin](#): > > My buddy Dave gave me the phrase, “The other day ago” > As in > Hey have ya seen Bill > Yeah I saw him the other day ago. (A few days ago):rolleyes: My friend gave me something similar, he was trying to say he would be over later today, but longer than “a while” so he said “I will be there in a couple of whiles” ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/10 "2018-01-29T18:12:10Z")
About two thirds of the way through s bar crawl: “Standing still is easier than walking” ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/11 "2018-01-29T20:07:03Z")
My buddy, describing a particularly bad hangover: “I was hung over like a horse!” ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/12 "2018-01-29T21:06:15Z")
A friend: I keep falling off the couch after I pass out drunk. Me: perhaps you should sew Velcro to all of your clothing. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/13 "2018-01-29T21:45:55Z")
First, a bit of setup - a family friend had committed suicide. The day of the funeral it is customary to have people drop by a specified family member’s house after the service. Most folks bring food (ain’t no family in the South ever starved in the weeks after a death), so there are usually volunteers at the house to receive and set it out/put it up for later, etc. These are usually extended friends of the family who don’t mind missing the funeral to take care of setting up the house. In this case, someone had brought a large cooler of something into the kitchen when our friend, the food volunteer, loudly exclaimed “That’s one big cooler - you could fit a body in that thing!”. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/14 "2018-01-29T23:07:46Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Rick Seaward, a Canadian journalist and colleague of mine, came up with this memorable remark at a morning staff meeting, talking about the flexibility of workplace directives: “Rules are to guide the wise and command the foolish”. Or, for being rude to obnoxious incompetant females: “Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.” I won’t give you the context where I heard that, but when she heard it, she knew arguing was past and the issue under dispute would have to go to arbitration. ---
**Author:** ![Annoying\_Buzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Annoying\_Buzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annoying_Buzz)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/15 "2018-01-30T01:57:22Z")
“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t.” ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/16 "2018-01-30T03:28:14Z")
At one of those stupid work meetings, with some ‘productivity expert’ trying to get you all hyped about getting more work done, and keeping you away from actually doing your work for hours: We were given special colored paper, and asked to _“write down some barriers to higher productivity”_. A very senior fellow worker asked “do you want actual names, or just their job titles?” ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/17 "2018-01-30T04:02:08Z")
“Not all morticians are necrophiliacs, but all necrophiliacs are morticians.” Ew. ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/18 "2018-01-30T21:06:59Z")
Haha, these are great! Oooh, I remembered another: “How do you know they’re townpeople? They might be _village folk_!” And another: “Capitalists! \<_snort!_\> They’ll sell you the rope you hang 'em with!” ---
**Author:** ![yo\_han\_go](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yo_han_go/32/130_2.png) [@yo\_han\_go](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yo_han_go)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/19 "2018-01-30T22:24:07Z")
From my uncle Venceslav (in a thick slavic accent): “Sharpening your axe and beating your woman is not a waste of time.” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2018, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709/20 "2018-04-03T04:26:03Z")
A classmate during study hall was encouraging me to lift weights to increase the size of my chest, while motioning to her own ample bosom. Took her a moment to realize what she had done. I was the second tallest student in school. One of my shorter friends would do a Tattoo impression at least once a week: “De plane! De plane Look out, boss, you’re too tall!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/memorable-things-your-friends-have-said-remote-nsfw-possibility/807709.md?page=2)